Reasonable consequences for teen losing expensive door key twice?

[Zoo2tropolis]

This may be a mix of AIBU and WWYD

My DC is early teens. Usually very responsible, well behaved, very few problems at any age. At the start of the school year they were given a door key. In a pouch, to go inside their school bag and stay there. Told to keep it safe, we have a special door and lock so it's really expensive. It would only be needed every now and then when noone gets home in time to let them in.

Around Xmas time, they lost the key. Then eventually found it, but we were mad they hadn't looked after it. They had taken it out of the pouch, left it loose. The responsibility and importance of keeping it safe, and consequences of not doing that were impressed on them. We helped them devise a means to keep it safe - put it in a zipped pouch, again within school bag and it should stay there.

Today they said it's lost again, this time the zip on the pouch apparently broke, they put the key tucked just inside their phone case and it's gone. The phone has been taken multiple places and they have no idea when it went or whether in or outside the house.

I'm saying the consequences for this should be:

1. Grounded for 1 month, due to seriousness of the issue and it being lost despite previous conversations (but they can still go to clubs)
2. Loss of phone except for travel to and from school for communicating
3. They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

So AIBU, or what would you do in the same position?

A month? Loss of their phone? Get a job to pay it back? Are you for real?

It's frustrating, but it was clearly not intentional and not even that careless. And yes, my teens have all lost a key at one point (hence they've always had back door keys only).

Perhaps a key lock somewhere would be a possibility, like estate agents use?

Your consequences are very severe - grounding for a month is ridiculous!

they messed up, haven’t you ever lost something ?

replace it and if you need to something give them a few jobs around the house to earn some money to contribute towards it but personally I would let them off this time.

Aka "I'm having a paddy because the truth hurts".

Wow those are harsh consequences for a lost key and I thought I could be hard on mine sometimes.

they pay for the key from pocket money over time as a life lesson - non of this grounding stuff.

I think you are being very unrealistic and your punishment choices are very draconian.

Think back to when you were a child, I would be surprised if you never lost a key?

When you replace the key, hide it outside in a very clever place for your DC.

£50?! The punishments you’re suggested, I was thinking it would be about £1000! Blimey, they lost a key. Calm down.

Yabu

Very harsh. We’ve all lost keys.

I thought you were going to say hundreds! Totally OTT set of consequences. If you have to, take half of it from their pocket money.

This, or the extendable lanyard with an air tag.

Have you never lost a key? I have. Your suggestions are ridiculous.

You sound completely unhinged, grounded for a month for losing a key?? What are you going to do when they are caught having a cheeky underage beer, call the police and get them arrested, I don’t even think £50 is that expensive, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live in such an oppressive household.

No consequences. It’s not your son’s fault you have an unusually expensive lock. Attach the key inside of the bag on something long like a key ring spring.

Why is the key in a pouch?

But the natural consequence of you not wanting a key safe is that you will need to fork out for replacement, expensive keys when they inevitably get accidentally lost, especially if you choose to give the keys to relatively young children. If you, as an adult, make that decision, you need to take responsibility for the consequences of that decision.

That’s really harsh for losing a key. Earning money on his laptop! That could go very wrong! And I think I’m on the stricter end of the parenting spectrum. Maybe a bit less pocket money or fewer treats? Then it’s more of a logical consequence ie you will put the money towards a new one.

Grounded for a month is madness. I wouldn't punish them tbh, I think you should be punished instead for giving them the key again when they misplaced it before. Did you not learn?

What I'd do is not give them another key but just put it somewhere like under a plant pot round the back on any day when you're not home.

I love airtags, changed my life!! I prefer them to tiles because the batteries are replaceable.

How is being grounded a consequence of losing a key?

OP you ask about 'reasonable consequences' but it's clear you are actually talking about punishing your child. Horrid.

If my teen lost a key twice I would rethink the current key system because it's obviously not working for her, but I wouldn't punish her.

Just get a replacement and put a key safe on your wall. Don’t know why you didn’t just use a key safe straight away as you, obviously, didn’t trust your child to look after it to start with.

Easily solved with an Apple AirTag on a key ring attached to precious key

You are being completely unreasonable re your punishments. Crazily so.

Does he have ADHD? My daughter does and she was and still is a bugger for losing keys. Put a key safe on the wall, if you don’t trust him to carry a key 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't punish , I would devise a different system if possible eg a hiding place for the key or for it to be left with a neighbour / trusted family member who your DC could retrieve key from if necessary

Gosh, your consequences are beyond ridiculous.

I think this sounds very extreme. I understand it’s frustrating when children lose things, but it’s not on purpose and you’ve said your child is generally well behaved. This seems more like a display of power and control over them than a punishment that fits the crime.

If your teen has access to money, then they should pay towards a new key, or have their pocket money docked etc. I certainly wouldn’t be grounding for a month or removing a phone which they use for safety reasons.

At the end of the day it’s your house and your rules but something must have made you want to ask MN if you were being unreasonable and I’m wondering what’s caused you to question yourself.