Reasonable consequences for teen losing expensive door key twice?

[Zoo2tropolis]

This may be a mix of AIBU and WWYD

My DC is early teens. Usually very responsible, well behaved, very few problems at any age. At the start of the school year they were given a door key. In a pouch, to go inside their school bag and stay there. Told to keep it safe, we have a special door and lock so it's really expensive. It would only be needed every now and then when noone gets home in time to let them in.

Around Xmas time, they lost the key. Then eventually found it, but we were mad they hadn't looked after it. They had taken it out of the pouch, left it loose. The responsibility and importance of keeping it safe, and consequences of not doing that were impressed on them. We helped them devise a means to keep it safe - put it in a zipped pouch, again within school bag and it should stay there.

Today they said it's lost again, this time the zip on the pouch apparently broke, they put the key tucked just inside their phone case and it's gone. The phone has been taken multiple places and they have no idea when it went or whether in or outside the house.

I'm saying the consequences for this should be:

1. Grounded for 1 month, due to seriousness of the issue and it being lost despite previous conversations (but they can still go to clubs)
2. Loss of phone except for travel to and from school for communicating
3. They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

So AIBU, or what would you do in the same position?

Why not get a key lock box?

Your punishments are really mean. If I heard of this from a students, I would be tempted to raise a safeguarding flag.

Hence me saying I'd be genuinely interested in knowing, as I'm not a social worker, so I'm not quite sure the flippant tone is quite necessary. If a child in my class came and told me they'd been made to do chores every night for an hour without an end date in sight as punishment for losing one item, I'd flag this to SLT. There are degrees of unacceptable treatment of children below rape.

I was the person you responded to and I made it quite clear that I thought it should be a month.

Thirty hours' work for fifty pounds, though?

That seems disproportionate

This was mine with the 18 year old, terrible for losing keys and lost about 3 in a row. I'd get a new one cut, telling to be more careful next time, I was annoyed etc.
Then thought "fuck this, it's getting ridiculous now" and just used to lock up when going to bed, or if we're not in well sit on the doorstep until we get back or go for a wander around town or something. 🙄😁
Must have got bored of waiting about and stuff as so far so good

Complete over reaction.

Yes a few extra chores towards the expense.

In fact I think having to keep safe a key you dont use more often is harder than everyday.

Id get a key chain to attach to the bag or a keysafe.

We had similar, DS lost something and it was replaced but on the 2nd one we charged him for it. Just stopped his pocket money until it was paid. I think grounding is probably too heavy. Don't know if it's been suggested, but would it be better to get one of those key boxes that you use a code to get the key out of?

We have a combination lock key safe with a spare key, hidden out of sight. It has been invaluable for every one of us who forget our keys occasionally.

I think you sound ludicrous. It’s not your DC’s fault you have some sort of bank vault level door lock.

Keys get lost. It’s far from ideal, but most people just go to a key cutter and get another one.

It would be abusive to ground someone for a month for a simple mistake.

Its not as if the DC asked for the key or the responsibility of it - you were the one who told them they had to have it. The onus is on you as a parent to either be there to let them in or offer and alternative that is child friendly like a key box on the side of the house maybe or a number lock !

@Zoo2tropolis I'd say this is on you. Don't punish them for losing the key. Get a key safe on the wall. The key comes out, unlocks the door, and goes back in. Job done.

Exactly, be there for your kid, but it was not their idea, it was yours. They did not ask for the responsibility of it. I quite often use the phrase ' I cannot take responsibility for that'. Maybe that's what your DC should have said.

My two lost 3 keys within 2 weeks of us moving to our new house so we got a key safe. 10 years on and no more lost keys.

I don’t agree with punishing kids for minor things like this. My mum was like you, she would go mad at me for losing or forgetting something, so I learned to lie and didn’t go to her when anything really serious happened.

Teen brains are still developing. Cut them some slack and work them on solutions rather than dishing out punishments.