Reasonable consequences for teen losing expensive door key twice?

[Zoo2tropolis]

This may be a mix of AIBU and WWYD

My DC is early teens. Usually very responsible, well behaved, very few problems at any age. At the start of the school year they were given a door key. In a pouch, to go inside their school bag and stay there. Told to keep it safe, we have a special door and lock so it's really expensive. It would only be needed every now and then when noone gets home in time to let them in.

Around Xmas time, they lost the key. Then eventually found it, but we were mad they hadn't looked after it. They had taken it out of the pouch, left it loose. The responsibility and importance of keeping it safe, and consequences of not doing that were impressed on them. We helped them devise a means to keep it safe - put it in a zipped pouch, again within school bag and it should stay there.

Today they said it's lost again, this time the zip on the pouch apparently broke, they put the key tucked just inside their phone case and it's gone. The phone has been taken multiple places and they have no idea when it went or whether in or outside the house.

I'm saying the consequences for this should be:

1. Grounded for 1 month, due to seriousness of the issue and it being lost despite previous conversations (but they can still go to clubs)
2. Loss of phone except for travel to and from school for communicating
3. They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

So AIBU, or what would you do in the same position?

Key safes are very easy to break into, its not advisable to have one

No, it isn't cheaper including labour. And would mean exchanging a secure lock for less secure, so no cost benefit.

I mean it's really not difficult to do yourself but if you're determined to be that stubborn about it just get a key safe. The need to punish your child excessively over a mistake you could make just as easily is just so odd

Yes, we did. See previous posts, they took it out of the bag.

Teens should pay for it . That will annoy them the most . Can you get a back door key in a key lock .

Agreed

Wow @Zoo2tropolis this is over a £50 key? I thought you were going to say like £500.

The YP has actually lost it once. Was the key labelled in any way? (that's my only concern really).

Do they have a PT job? If so can they use some of the money to (say) ay half the cost – or use birthday money? just to try to teach them the value. But overall I think your suggested consequences are way too harsh. DS at a similar age lost his phone for a week (worth more than £50). I had no thought of stopping him from going out.

Agree with a lanyard attached inside schoolbag or similar. How often do they actually need to use the key? as in, my DC needed a key always in early teens as no one was ever in at 3.30. But if someone is often in, or it's the kind of door that's only locked if you are out, maybe it's not such an issue.

Wow those ‘consequences’ are way too harsh! Your DC does chores to pay for a new key, or if they have a little job its paid for from their wages!

Good grief, I’d hate to think what there punishments are for other minor issues - poor kids!!

Jeez that's really OTT for a £50 key. Get a key safe FFS. Poor kid.

you said a zipped pouch? no mention of having a key lanyard actually fastened inside the schoolbag? how could they have taken it out? cut or broken the lanyard?

I think a lot of people dont understand the sort of lock and door OP might have, if its the same Im thinking of. You cant just 'change the lock', it invalidates the door for a start.

I think it depends on the quality of the one you buy, we’ve just installed one at my Mothers, it’s in a fairly hidden away spot securely attached to her wall and police recommended it.
It doesn’t have external hinges etc and apparently can’t be smashed open with a hammer either.
I think it helps that it’s not easily found but I’d hope the police aren’t recommending a product that can easily be broken into…

Your consequences are soooo disproportionate. Come up with a way for them to work off the cost. Anything else is frankly a bit unhinged. Grounded and lose phone for losing a key? Wild.

Yeah we have one of these which was there when we moved in. I could tell they were different kind of keys when I looked at them, but I got a shock when I went to get a couple of new ones cut!

It certainly doesn’t look like a fancy door or a special lock. I also don’t think it’s an easy replacement.

Ok, it's turning into a thread where people are far more interested in attacking me than giving a reasonable reply. It's tiresome, you can discuss amongst yourselves as I'm off. Goodnight.

Its not their fault the door lock costs that much. They'll resent you for such a harsh punishment and then they'll stop telling you stuff. That's certainly what I did with my parents.

It's an accident. Have you never lost anything?

My teens have lost keys, we have a non standard door lock. Keys are around £20 each. We said ok when the first was lost then after that u pay or have to fit coming and going round us. After a while we did pay for new keys.
My husband then lost a key 🤣

My partner works in housing and knows virtually every type of key safe there is and knows how easy criminals can open them. He wont have one.

Our house couldnt have it hidden away but if its really hidden away it might be different as theres no opportunity for someone to spot it so she might be ok.

Jeez poor kid. What punishments do you place on yourself for accidently losing things? I'm guessing none because you're a human being who will inevitably will lose things throughout your life...

My 14 year old has lost his key twice. Second time, I told him if it happens again, he'll be covering the cost of a new one (£30). I should have said it the first time he lost it!

I would not do the extra punishment. That will just piss them, and you, off, especially as you have caveated them both.

Next one get a springy cord keyring and sew a little loop into an inside blazer pocket.

Teenagers lose keys. £50 isn't that expensive.

At our old house we had a key pad fitted. Brilliant. Haven't bothered here because the dc had grown up a bit when we moved. They still occasionally forgot their keys though. Punishment - sit on the drive or go to the coffee shop if it's cold. Tough.

Translation. Oh no People disagree with my excessive punishments so I'm throwing a strop and leaving?

@Zoo2tropolis I think your consequences are way over the top.

They've lost the key so they need to pay to replace it. That's it.

In the same way if you lost your key you'd have to buy a new one. You wouldn't have to also give up your phone and be banned from socialising.

I wouldnt punish at all. Accidents happen.
I would however get a key safe.

Do you want to give a consequence or a punishment?

I'm a fan of consequences rather than punishments and the consequence of losing their key should be replacing the key. So deductions from spending money or doing chores at an agreed value until it's paid off.

It teaches them that something can be an accident and still be your responsibility. Which is so important. So many people seem to think that something being an accident means you don't have any responsibility for sorting it which is a fucking piss poor lesson to teach a child imo.