Constantly losing keys, purse and essentials with ADHD, how do you cope?

[AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay]

Does anyone with ADHD understand this? A day in the life ....

Yesterday I lost my house key. I don't know where, or how. It has never turned up in spite of me searching everywhere. Luckily my neighbour has a spare, but I need to pay to get a new one cut. Hopefully I won't lose this spare one.

I went to Caffe Nero for a coffee this morning. I got out my purse to see if I had any of those full cards for a freebie, I didn't, so paid by phone. I had the coffee and then went to a jeweller's to collect some items I had fixed, and also to take in a watch for some repairs.

My purse was not in my bag, neither was the watch. I got very upset in the shop but left my bag with them while I went back to the coffee place. I found the watch in my pocket having no idea it was there. At the coffee place the two women I spoke to (baristas) said that no, no purse was handed in. Could I come back on Saturday when the manager had a chance to look at the CCTV? It had all my cards in.

One of them said to the other "Steph have you looked in the drawer?" She did and it was there. One of the other colleagues would probably have put it in, and not told anyone else. I'm grateful, but it was so stressful. I lost it a couple of years ago on a train, same purse. A year or so before that, in Aldi.

Every day I have an occurrence like this. I bought some eyelash serum and can't find it anywhere. Every single day I lose something or forget something. I do try hard. I use calendar alerts and things but I waste so much time on hunting for things, replacing things and also panicking when I put something somewhere "really safe" and then forget where I've put it.

It's tiring and exhausting. Anyone relate? How do you get around this?

Totally relate. It can be exhausting. I don’t have any particular ways of dealing, just the usual, alarm on my phone and Apple Watch etc. Hoping soneone on here will have nuggets of wisdom, lol.

Same.

I spend my life printing out documents I have lost and searching for keys/bags/purses.

I would likely be super productive if I could remember basics.

I can totally relate and it is knackering. I try to be so careful, create systems etc and I'm still shit at it.

Oh my goodness I can relate to this.
I got a very late life diagnosis that I'm Autistic and now I find, like a lot of Autistic people I am ADHD aswell. So until recently I hadn't actually realised that my constant losing things was because of ADHD

Specs is the main thing , but also keys. And important documents which I put somewhere safe and then can't remember where.Oh and earrings - i find losing them particularly distressing. And losing my tools when i'm gardening - i'll put my small gardening fork down into a container and then spend the next three days or so searching for it

I try to combat this by trying really really hard to be organised. So that when I move from one location to another - like leaving a shop for instance - to take a moment to check i've not left my purse or my phone in the shopping trolley, that I've not dropped my gloves getting off the bus etc etc.But if I'm at all flustered or distracted that just doesn't work. It's very distressing and time wasting

We've got tile trackers on our car keys now because we both end up with them in our pockets or bags especially now they are keyless entry. You can also get similar card shaped ones for wallets.

I can relate to buying a specific thing like the serum and then not being able to find it, especially when you buy it on a whim or as a one of purchase, annoyingly. Its definitely worse when I am busy and distracted.

-Put an airtag on your keys.
-As far as possible have a "touch it once" approach- when you buy something and get it home, take it immediately to its permanent home (eg eyelash serum in the bathroom cabinet or whatever). Don't put it somewhere with a plan to put it away later. Don't buy it unless you can think exactly where its home will be.
-Related to the above, there are two times with ADHD- now and not-now. If something can be done now, do it now. If not, find a way to bring it back to another now (eg an alarm on your phone)- set the alarm now and add lots of description (don't assume you'll remember). Otherwise whatever it is will be lost to not-now.
-Basket or bowl by the front door for your keys and anything else that gets lost a lot
-Take inspiration from surgeons and Atul Gawande's checklist principle (the idea that having an explicit checklist avoids errors- very much resisted by surgeons at first who thought "of course I won't forget to do X" but in reality a massive life saver. Surgeons now routinely use checklists even for things like swabs used- they are all counted out and counted in again). You can do the same.

AS a fellow ADHDer I know none of this comes naturally but that's the point- if it came naturally you wouldn't be struggling. The trick is to identify what it is you find hard to do internally and then put external structures and rules in place to make up for it. It does mean that you spend a reasonable amount of time maintaining these rules and structures but that's ok- you save time overall and avoid the panic and shame. Most people who know me now probably think I'm really organised but that's because my organisation is all external and visible- planners, spreadsheets and rules. Anyone who knew me before I started with all this knows that I'm actually completely disorganised!

Same here. It absolutely sucks doesn't it?

What's been helpful for me is finding out what works for me and doing that - not being constrained by "systems" set up by other people (ie DH). I've very recently finally been brave enough to put my foot down and say no this is what works for me and this is how I'm going to do things now.

So I have a bowl by the door where my keys, purse, phone, charger go - basically anything that goes in and out of the house in coat pockets. They all live in The Bowl now and because it is right by the door, no opportunity to put anything down somewhere else in the house and lose it.

For paperwork, I just put it all in a pile in a designated drawer. Then I know that's where something will be if I need it (same with emails - delete nothing!). It's when I try to file things that it goes awry because I can't remember how I set the system up and if I can't see things, I lose them.

As for being out and about, I take as little as possible then there is less to lose. Sad but true.

House Keys - they go in the door lock, in my coat pocket, or the car. We also have a key safe on the wall outside the front door.

Car keys go on a rack in the hall.

I don't use a purse. All my cards are loaded on my phone. If I can't have a digital loyalty card I don't use it because I know I'll lose it.

Everything goes in the calendar religiously. Reminder automatically the day before and half an hour before.

If I get an email I try to reply there and then.

AirTags on everything!

I don't have an autism diagnosis, but I wonder about it. I don't "get" jokes, for instance or understand teasing. I've been having problems with my car (I have to use it for my job and I carry things to do with my job in it) and a friend just said "get a motorbike". I spent 5 minutes explaining that I haven't taken a bike test, have no intention of doing so, I wouldn't be able to take passengers, I couldn't go shopping etc etc to be told "I'm joking." I mean, why?

For your bag, might it help to have a few of these clipped to the handle for your keys purse etc https://amzn.eu/d/06aEFsFK
You keep the keys , purse etc in the bag onbuously, but they are easier to find because they are 'clicked in'. You would of course have to remember to do it in the first instance, but they idea would be not to unclick them while out and about.

Trackers on everything. Keys, purse, bag, coat, car…

I have little systems and routines that help a bit. So when I get off a train or plane or cab (I travel a lot for work) I say to myself aloud (but quietly) 3 bags and a coat or whatever I should have. I have a place at home where my keys and work pass live and they aren't allowed anywhere else ever - although I do massively fail at this sometimes. I have a leather pouch that has my purse, lipstick, reading glasses, headphones, tissues etc and that also has a special place it lives when not in whatever bag I'm carrying.

It's exhausting though. DH is a big help he puts stuff away for me quite a lot and will do stuff like put my lunch in my work bag in the morning or move my keys from the fucking radiator or wherever I have insanely chosen to leave them to the key place.

I have also just got better as I've got older not sure why, maybe just a built up of these coping strategies! I used to lose several coats a year. Actually spending less time in pubs and clubs probably explains the coat improvement ha ha.

I have an airtag in my wallet as have misplaced it too many times.
Keys I have big colourful key chains so I can easily see them on my bench/in a bag.
I have 2 phones- work and personal and multiple times I will use "find my device" on one of the phones to locate the other one 😐

We have trackers on everything. My mum used to say when I was a child that I would lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on 😂

Are you diagnosed?

Things that actually work 1) Be super minimalist 2) Take off all the doors on your cupboards and throw them away, so you have everything visible 3) Get rid of all but one horizontal surface per room (ideally don't have a clear flat surface at all in as many rooms as possible).

Unfortunately this is in direct opposition to drives such as 1) starting lots of hobbies 2) needing to reduce visual clutter/stopping seeing things after two mins 3) Being very prone to walking past things thinking about picking them up rather than picking it up right now (often from self preservation to stay on task) and therefore needing dedicated food table/work table/craft table as they won't get cleared and repurposed multiple times a day.

As others have said - trackers on everything. I am constantly losing stuff. Helps a lot!

Yes for ADHD. I don't take medication.

why not? I found it life changing and suddenly I didn’t miss the little details anymore. No more lost train tickets and missed flights

Unfortunately this is in direct opposition to drives such as 1) starting lots of hobbies

Haha, I have had to impose a 48 hour moratorium on new hobbies (ie if I still want to do it after 48 hours, I can go ahead).

I don't have an ADHD diagnosis but I do lose things constantly.

I've got Tile trackers on my keys, purse and various other important items and they've made a huge difference as I can locate stuff using my phone. And then I have a smartwatch to help me find the phone...

I have everything on my phone so only one thing to remember plus my keys and inhaler. Keys and inhaler go in right hand pocket and phone goes in left hand pocket. This never changes unless I occasionally use a handbag. If I do I immediately put the stuff back in its pockets when I get home. I say to myself ‘I’m putting my keys in my pocket’ and I check my pockets regularly. I think with adhd you have to streamline everything as much as you can so you don’t get yourself easily muddled trying to remember too much stuff.

I just don't like taking medication unless absolutely necessary. Trying to cope myself. My brother takes Adderall and it makes him hyper and he can't sleep.

are you in the US