Constantly losing keys, purse and essentials with ADHD, how do you cope?

[AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay]

Does anyone with ADHD understand this? A day in the life ....

Yesterday I lost my house key. I don't know where, or how. It has never turned up in spite of me searching everywhere. Luckily my neighbour has a spare, but I need to pay to get a new one cut. Hopefully I won't lose this spare one.

I went to Caffe Nero for a coffee this morning. I got out my purse to see if I had any of those full cards for a freebie, I didn't, so paid by phone. I had the coffee and then went to a jeweller's to collect some items I had fixed, and also to take in a watch for some repairs.

My purse was not in my bag, neither was the watch. I got very upset in the shop but left my bag with them while I went back to the coffee place. I found the watch in my pocket having no idea it was there. At the coffee place the two women I spoke to (baristas) said that no, no purse was handed in. Could I come back on Saturday when the manager had a chance to look at the CCTV? It had all my cards in.

One of them said to the other "Steph have you looked in the drawer?" She did and it was there. One of the other colleagues would probably have put it in, and not told anyone else. I'm grateful, but it was so stressful. I lost it a couple of years ago on a train, same purse. A year or so before that, in Aldi.

Every day I have an occurrence like this. I bought some eyelash serum and can't find it anywhere. Every single day I lose something or forget something. I do try hard. I use calendar alerts and things but I waste so much time on hunting for things, replacing things and also panicking when I put something somewhere "really safe" and then forget where I've put it.

It's tiring and exhausting. Anyone relate? How do you get around this?

For me the biggest difference for not losing keys was putting a big lanyard on them. They are also easy to check that they are in your bag because they are more visible.

I have developed a useful paranoia so check my bag front pocket/pocket for the three important things - mobile, wallet, keys - a lot. I wonder if there is a way to develop paranoia?!

I think this is really good advice.

My DH is autistic without ADHD and never loses anything because his whole life is a ‘touch it once’ philosophy. When we move house everything has an immediate home that never changes. He also doesn’t have anything surplus to needs.

Of course I can’t live like this so lose things all the time

My keys have been list for a month now. I have them on a lanyard which helps because it makes them bigger without adding too much volume.

Unfortunately I still lost them. A bag with lots of pockets also I find helps

Mine have a huge fluffy pom pom on the key ring.

Medication helps.

Tile type trackers in things which leave the house, like the purse (although shamefully DH got me 2 for Christmas and I haven't decided what to put them on and have no idea where they are )

Have a specific place to put things and ONLY put it there - I can follow rules like this if they make sense to me, though one thing is that I have to account for the crap working memory, which brings me to my next tip.

Choose the storage place for the thing so that it fits in with your automatic behaviour. You might need to observe yourself a bit for this, or get someone you live with to observe you if you can. What I mean by this is that for example when I pay for something in a shop, I tend to automatically put my purse back into the most accessible section of my bag because I'm focused on the process of paying and then picking everything up and leaving the till ASAP, which means that if I had planned to store my purse in a harder to access section of my bag, it doesn't get put back there and then later on I panic because I can't find it.

Or another example is my keys, I found out that I have to have a hook for them which I can reach while my other hand is still touching the door. That means that I can unlock the door, remove the key and place it on the hook as one full action. When I don't do this because the place that I keep the key is further away, then what I tend to do is either leave the key in the door accidentally because I get distracted on the way into the house, or I put the key into the pocket of whatever I'm wearing and if it's not my coat, then it gets lost in a laundry pile. Or I hold the keys in my hand as I walk into the house and then the moment I need that hand to do something else, I put the keys down on the nearest surface and then I can't find them. Because the putting them in my pocket or on the nearest surface is automatic, I don't remember doing it.

Having bright and chunky versions of things can also help them stand out so you notice them more if they are out of place, and they're easily describable for lost property.

Decluttering your house means you are less likely to lose things at home.

Also I have an "ADHD tax" fund which is basically a small amount of money put aside each month which covers small purchases when I have to replace things - it helps me feel less frustrated with myself about it.

When I eventually find mine, I think.i need to attach a house brick!

Yes adhd can be losing things
but some of what you are saying is lacking common sense - how did you leave your purse behind. You must have put it down on a table etc.
As you know you lose things you just cant put things down. It is one of the most frustrating things about adhd people if they wont accept it needs changing. Not it will be ok.
i make sure i never leave money or even really phone etc in my hands.
At home only put things in the same place. Only times ive lost a key etc is by putting that in my pocket.
phones are tricky as they are slippery.
Pockets really are crucial.

Even with my kids water bottles go in bag side pockets. Coats and jumpers in bags.

Anyway — if your cards were out if your possession- cancel them and reissue. My relative left 1 card and then they had identity theft affecting others in the house too… It had to have been the staff but they hadnt swiped the card just written down details. So when relative checked account all looked ok.

My dc has adhd but actually doesnt lose much. I think that is due to anxiety. We also dont get things like calculator or pencil case out of bag — ever.
But dc is much more sleep issues and impulsivity

What i struggle with is the lack of memory of where ive been to have put things down

For keys I have an animal on them. So just one those stuffed animal keyrings. Makes it much more obvious.

I rarely take my wallet out with me, just pay by phone, and I haven't lost it as I always listen to music from my phone in the car, so I'll notice it quickly if I do. Though I did once leave my phone on top of my car, drove 5 mins home from the shop, opened the boot, got stuff out, closed the boot and it wouldn't shut so I tried again still wouldn't so I had a look and turns out my phone survived the drive home on the roof but didn't survive me slamming it in the gap at the top of the boot and the roof twice. 😂

When I get home, my keys and wallet go straight in a bowl (a dedicated bowl purely for keys) in the kitchen. It took a while to get into the rhythm of putting them in the same place everytime but it is a lifesaver. Before doing this I lost them in the house like 3 times a week. I think I've lost my keys once in my house in the last two years since I stated putting them in the same place everytime.

OHIO keeps me just this side of ok. Only Handle It Once. I put keys on their hook. Bag on its shelf. Makeup stays on the dresser, brush goes back in drawer. Crochet hook on the tray same for the scissor. Hang my coat up. Put dog leads collars attached on their hooks. Everything gets handled once no putting some randomly down.

I have aspired to be this person all my life.
I am not this person.

I can't explain to DH that the reason the keys don't go straight on the hook is: I am desperate for the loo so run upstairs, keys get dumped on a pile of dirty washing on top of the overflowing washing basket. By the time I have washed my hands, keys are totally forgotten and won't be thought of again until after I have left the house and tried to get back in and realised they are lost. Or as I come in, the phone is ringing and I answer it and try to be Very Organised by going straight to the kitchen calendar to actually write down the date that is being suggested by the vet/teacher/friend on the line. But while I do that the keys get casually dumped on a shelf or in a drawer or wherever the nearest pen is. And then feeling smug at having been organised enough to write down a date, I make a cup of tea and keys are forgotten until next morning when I am running around like a rat in a maze trying to find them two minutes before my train is due to leave with zero recall of having put them in a drawer full of pens.

Or the keys are left in the door overnight and found by our very nice postman next morning.

Or a thousand variations on that theme.

I've found the fewer items the better. Could you do something like never take your purse out of the house and put everything in your digital wallet on your phone/watch? This has helped me hugely as I used to lose one ATM card per week.
Keys always live on a shelf by the front door, or a coat pocket.
I got a full ADHD diagnosis yesterday, debating on whether to take the meds, I'm so used to my brain behaving like this

I have one of those tiny key wardrobes hanging on the wall and a small crossbody bag which always has my basics in hanging on a coat hook by the door.I pick up my bag, my keys. Before I go I check my bag to make I have my glasses as they are always on the table.
My advice is to keep a small box with the things you need if you go out-purse, tissues etc and maybe a post it note to keep by the key cupboard, which you now need😁with a checklist so you know that you have everything you need. I would also have a post it note for anything you need to take like returns/receipts etc and put them by the front door. I'm badly organised but my fear of being unable to get out of the house, of losing my purse, my phone etc means that I'm super careful to know where these things are. Don't ask me where my passport is though......I'll probably find that in panic mode a few weeks before I go away as I'll need some time to locate the safe place I put it in.
Not adhd diagnosed but pretty sure I am.

My key hook is right by the front door in direct eye line make it easy or you won't do it. Don't have a wee don't answer the phone until you've spent a nanosecond hanging them up. Train yourself in OHiO. My ADHD brain jumps around and prevents me structuring my actions . OHIO as an unbreakable rule interrupts my brain and keeps me on track. I still lose things and lose track of stuff but my now tidy house makes them easier to find. Your ADHD tells you you can do it later, pick it up later, write it down later you can't but you can train yourself to minimise damage it's up to you you aren't powerless.

The bladder control is another symptom of ADHD. If it's causing that much of a problem, start wearing pads. I've worn pads for 30 years.

My husband is like this, although he swears blind he has no symptoms at all of ADHD. When in the house he copes by having a set place to put the keys and wallet etc. Important keys that stay in the home attached to stuffed animal toys. Quite large ones. Anything he has to take out of the house has an AirTag on it or in it.

The Find My app is his best friend.

He has even managed to lose his car, more than once.

It isn’t foolproof but it seems to help.

I lost the car a few weeks back. Finally found it by walking out of the car park, round the building, in at the entrance and up one floor at a time until I found it on floor 4.

In my defence it was an odd car park on a hill, with the entrance and exit 3 floors apart!

Ive lost the car a few times, we don't have a drive so I quite often have to hunt for it on nearby roads. I often go a couple of weeks without driving it so it's not a fresh memory.

My time blindness manifests in being crazy early for stuff I think because I'm also chronically insecure and assume everyone is more deserving of consideration than me. I'll add a 15 minute safety margin but to every step (the time to leave the house, the time to walk to the station, the time to change tubes) and end up two hours early to meet friends for dinner. When I did my final exams for my professional qualification I ended up 5 hours early for an 11am exam.

The train station one is particularly stupid. I know for a fact it takes 9 minutes to walk from my house to there (including getting through barriers and onto platform) but I always leave 20 minutes before the train time. I have no idea what I think might happen that would delay me ten minutes. Maybe run over but very mildly?

Tiles or air tags or chipolos and local friends! Everything has a tile attached and i use chipolo in purse as better shape.
If you have an apple then airtags do the same..
I have multiple spare keys to the house around the area..
DC are tge same and get tiles for xmas...also bought a wallet with a chain on that physically attaches to trousers.

I have always been like this .. no diagnosis but wouldn't be surprised
Love Google wallet and find my phone.. essentials in our house as is emergency £20 to buy new charger/ coffee when forget tgat as well!
Lots of sympathy and understanding from here.. its worse when tired or stressed so look after yourself

Yes, I can relate to that!

I have an air tag in my wallet and on my keys. They help a lot. I would never have found my keys in the ham fridge in Lidl without the air tag to bleep for me.

Obviously you can’t put an air tag on everything. But wallet, keys, in the car if you lose the car in car parks, in the handbag etc can help.

I have started storing things where I use them instead of where “convention” says to put them. Hair elastics in the kitchen rather than the bedroom, that sort of thing.

Air tags for anything of value and routines for everything. I am religious about the routines - not because I’m especially forgetful but decades of travelling for work have taught me that “ritualising” such things result in less expensive losses.

One of my hotel routines is checking the location of all air tagged items before departure (ie when I’m close enough to hear the alert of anything not to hand). I also always pack/have everything ready the night beforehand, be it work travel, work day, school bags or anything planned.

I’m the same. I‘m am ridiculously early for anything as I can’t judge time so I add on hours just in case. I also ge stressed and hate being late. Once I’d had enough of being early so attempted to be on time - and was very late!!

So back to being early. Kids hate it! We have spent lots of time sitting in the car waiting for things to start…

So much good advice thank you everyone! Will read tomorrow.

@Plodicus Yes adhd can be losing things
but some of what you are saying is lacking common sense - how did you leave your purse behind. You must have put it down on a table etc.

If it was as simple as common sense do you think I'd have lost it or had these kind of problems? My ex said things like this to me which is why he's an ex.

I went for a coffee, got my purse out to see if I had any full cards for a free coffee. When I knew I hadn't I put it down on the counter and got my phone out to pay. By that time I was distracted by the order appearing (I ordered some breakfast stuff too) and took the items to the table. The purse was forgotten in much the same way as the PP above describes about keys when going to the loo.

basically keep it in one pocket for each item, eg wallent in pocket 1 etc but i take it out then put it back then just before going to the next shop etc i have a look eg on the table or on the floor to make sure ive not dropped anything

I'm constantly asking Alexa to phone my phone. And I use my phone to find my keys which now have a smart tag. Considering putting another tag on my bag after I drove myself mad the other day looking for it; it was hiding in plain sight.

I'm on the waiting list for an ADHD diagnosis, I have trackers on everything, keys, purse etc, I swapped out my earbuds for full size earphones so I don't lose them, medication lives in a plastic food container all in the order I need to take it. I'm horrifically untidy & if I'm not carefully I end up living like a hermit in a cave of rubbish.