Constantly losing keys, purse and essentials with ADHD, how do you cope?

[AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay]

Does anyone with ADHD understand this? A day in the life ....

Yesterday I lost my house key. I don't know where, or how. It has never turned up in spite of me searching everywhere. Luckily my neighbour has a spare, but I need to pay to get a new one cut. Hopefully I won't lose this spare one.

I went to Caffe Nero for a coffee this morning. I got out my purse to see if I had any of those full cards for a freebie, I didn't, so paid by phone. I had the coffee and then went to a jeweller's to collect some items I had fixed, and also to take in a watch for some repairs.

My purse was not in my bag, neither was the watch. I got very upset in the shop but left my bag with them while I went back to the coffee place. I found the watch in my pocket having no idea it was there. At the coffee place the two women I spoke to (baristas) said that no, no purse was handed in. Could I come back on Saturday when the manager had a chance to look at the CCTV? It had all my cards in.

One of them said to the other "Steph have you looked in the drawer?" She did and it was there. One of the other colleagues would probably have put it in, and not told anyone else. I'm grateful, but it was so stressful. I lost it a couple of years ago on a train, same purse. A year or so before that, in Aldi.

Every day I have an occurrence like this. I bought some eyelash serum and can't find it anywhere. Every single day I lose something or forget something. I do try hard. I use calendar alerts and things but I waste so much time on hunting for things, replacing things and also panicking when I put something somewhere "really safe" and then forget where I've put it.

It's tiring and exhausting. Anyone relate? How do you get around this?

Another top tip ! Reduce mental friction by have multiple of the same items so I have

six work tops and trousers in different colours.
four pairs same sunglasses
two make up sets, in and out the house
four pairs of the same trainers
same lipsticks everywhere
three the same body lotion in the house.
four sets same gym stuff

etc etc etc

reduces the thinking time !

Just get apple tags for everything important. I don’t think I’ve got ADHD but since having a child through sleep deprivation I have (a) left my car keys in a cinema (b) lost my card wallet in the house with all of my credit cards, twice and (c) left my work rucksack on a train.

Apple Tags massively reduce the pain of not knowing where you’ve left things! If you don’t want to take medication then I think realistically the only solution is to put systems in place that lessen the risk of losing/forgetting.

Keep them all in the same place, always. A specific bowl at home, by the door, and a specific pouch inside handbag when out. I need consistency! I also have a pencil case for pen, pencil, rubber, sharpener. I realised one day that I was more organised as a school kid than I am now, mainly because I was consistent!

Systems and rules help.

I still lose things but I’m better than I was. When I start a new job they think I’m super organised until they realise I have to have some form of system otherwise I would not cope.
everything stays in my handbag - especially my house keys. I never pop out just with my keys - asking for trouble otherwise.

i now have varifocals so glasses go on in the morning and stay on all day until bedtime. There are only 3 places to find my glasses - on my head, bedside table and back of sink when in the shower.

as I leave the house I double check essentials (although that’s often as I’m driving down the road also trying to put on seatbelt.

leave stuff that must be remembered by the door so you have to almost trip over it to get out and pack bags the night before (I still do forget things by the door though but better than I was )
I am much better than when we was younger. The bank rang me when I was in my mid twenties so say they were going to start charge me for new bank cards as I was up to no. 18. That’s when I started using a bag to go out rather than stuffing things in pockets.

so …… get some systems and ignore others that scoff at your systems.

and Apple Watch so I can find my phone has been a lifesaver

Everything has an AirTag. I have outsourced finding my stuff to Apple- I have an Apple Watch which either lives on my wrist or on its charger, it’s never put anywhere else. The watch can ping my phone. Once I have my phone, I can use ‘find my’ to track down my headphones - air pods- and then my keys, my work bag, and the lanyard of my work ID all have air tags. That is basically everything I lose. I still manage on occasion to do things like go to work without my laptop, and I obviously didn’t just go out and spend a few grand on tech all at once, but I find it incredibly helpful and it’s basically transformed my mornings.

Not diagnosed but I have the tags on my keys, in my wallet and an app on my phone. Some may have run out of batteries

I have a command hook stuck to the edge of my desk and have a 15% success rate of remembering to put my car keys on when I arrive at the office.

I close down 10 mins early to allow myself to find my keys and phone before leaving work. In reality this looks more like my 10 min alarm going off, me thinking I have time to do one more thing and the whole office helping look for my keys (high ratio of ND in office, so everyone is understanding) and us leaving 5 mins late.

At home, if anyone sees my keys, wallet they hang them up.

The number one thing that has helped me is a change of mindset on time.
When I go on Google maps and see how long it takes to get anywhere, rather than look at how long it will take me to get there, I work out what time I have to leave to get there with 10 mins to spare.
I then set any alarm to go off 10 mins before that and that is my cue to find my keys make sure I have everything and most importantly get distracted with the task I definitely have time to do quickly, which used to means I have 6 minutes to get to the place 20 mins away.

This one thing has made so much difference to my life as it works to who I am rather than me constantly trying to be that super woman who is always ready. It has also had a real impact on the highs and lows of the adrenaline levels, which are so exhausting.

Oh yes - just buy everything Apple for the family and do family sharing and have location turned on. Game changer.

and as above poster - time. Now I am diagnosed I realise I have an abusive relationship with time and time keeping. It always take me 30 mins longer than I think. I can always do one less thing in a time slot. I build in contingency time but that is just time ! I will need it - I have to have double contingency time.

I hate being late but I am always late unless I treat it like a military operation

Solidarity to you mate. When you put something down say out loud I am hanging my key on the hook or whatever. That helps. Also when looking for your keys you walk around the house saying keys keys keys - it helps to focus your brain. I bought a really big bright purse because it's harder to lose, a bright orange phone case, work fob is on a lanyard.

Totally.

i find it helps to have hacks. So I have trained myself to always look back when I’ve got up, whether on a train, bus, plane or in a cafe and restaurant. Once it becomes a habit it’s much easier as I do it automatically. I have a purse with a loop in it and I attach it with a metal clip and chain to an inside pocket of my handbag.

I always get my bag together the day before and once again I try and get into habits. If I always do this I don’t have to think about it. My problem is having too many things to think about and make decisions about afresh. If I have a habit/routine it’s less of a mental load as I tend to do it automatically.

Another issue is when people interrupt me by saying something when I’m in the middle of doing something, e.g. putting stuff back into my bag or my phone going. That’s the most difficult time when I’m likely to cock up. I’m trying to tune people out when that happens but it’s a challenge. Would love to hear other people’s hacks.

I have lost many things or mislaid them though over the years. Many sympathies OP.

Me to.

And about 50 pairs of knickers because the trigger to wash them is the laundry basket is full, so there needs to be some left to wear while they are washed and dried.

8 Paris of narrow leg black jeans that I live in.

Learn to habit stack so you do things automatically.

I get you OP.

i have basically given up having a wallet/purse as i would lose so many. I try not to take cards out with me and have everything on my phone.

Keys. I try to remember to hang them up in the same place every time I come in. This doesn’t always happen.

I check around six times before leaving a train/restaurant. I learnt the hard way after leaving an expensive, brand new coat on the tube once. Sob.

I allow myself lots of extra time to get anywhere.

I also just accept some things. I never have a pair of matching socks for example. And my house will never be pristine!

The ADHD tax is real. The amount of things lost/ late fines/ not returning things/ forgetting I’ve subscribed to stuff/ forgetting my password to cancel the subscription.

You are my twin!
Everything here, including hobby stuff is me to a t, plus keeping the landline, etc.
I have also managed to lose one of my Apple tags…

Reading through all this is kind of reassuring that I'm not the useless mad old bat I sometimes think I am, plus I have picked up some tips.

I am autistic/adhd, undiagnosed, as we didn’t have that when I was a child, but my professional experience has taught me that this is the explanation for my… life!
I read that we are very good in a crisis, however, and this has been true of me, in various calamities. So we are good for something.

@Gemtastic you are me ! I spent time visiting my son in Australia recently and i spent the days when he was working on my own exploring and I knew that if I lost keys to accommodation,phone or wallet I would be completely screwed!
I literally checked every time I used trams,trains,ferry’s that everything was in my cross body bag. It had a few different zip pockets and even that was stressful because I put stuff in different pockets all the time.
OP my number one tip is to always aim to get to places early,plan the evening before exactly what you want to wear next day.

I have a place for everything and I’m pretty good at putting things back in their place. However, if something doesn’t make it back to its place, that’s it lost and I’ll probably come across it 7 yrs later.

I constantly play Hunt the AirPods (spoiler: if they are in the washing machine mid cycle they will no longer work) and have to try and think back to what I might have been wearing to guess which pocket they might be in. Why don’t you put them back in the case, asks DD? Why not indeed.

With my car key I do find putting it back in its place every time helps, especially as I don’t drive every day.

it’s a challenge isn’t it.

I put a tag on my keys I can ring from my phone. It also allows you to use to locate your phone.

My phone is always on silent because I hate people calling me. This makes it challenging to find when I lose it!

A small crossbody bag changed my life. It has room for phone, keys, purse, lipsalve and sunglasses. That's about it. I just never take these things out of that bag. It goes everywhere with me. If I need another bag for laptop, make up, book, water etc, I take both.

I do also hide a spare key in a hard to find place in the back garden. DH doesn;t know as he found one once when it was hidden in the cold frame, and brought it inside. But I know it is there and so if I ever lock myself out again I can get inside.

It took me about 50 years to work out i needed that crossbody bag.
My mum has ADHD too and she depended on what used to be called a bumbag - a small bag on a belt around your waist.

Meds and Tile trackers.

Keys on a lanyard. When things are stressful getting out the house etc they go round the neck for safety. Or looped round a handbag strap temporarily. Or just easier to see and grab.

I adopted the motto of "a place for everything and everything in it;s place" and trained myself to put things back in the "right" place after every use, whether it be a particular pocket in my jacket, or a particular compartment in the handbag, or hooks in the house (for keys), hanging coats/jackets in the cupboard when I come in, along with shoes in the hallway shoe rack. If you do it enough times, it becomes habitual/second nature.

For household/stationery items, it's the same really, scissors live in a particular drawer with batteries, lightbulbs, small took kit etc. Stationery is in some organiser drawers, envelopes in one, notelets/paper in another, spare "open" greetings cards in another. Tippex, pens, pencils, ruler, etc in their own drawer. After literally months/years of forcing myself to put stuff back where it belongs, I now find I don't lose anything anymore. Beforehand, I'd just put stuff randomly somewhere, or leave it where I used it, and of course, it'd take forever to find again.

For clothes, I have a couple of chests of drawers, so plenty of space to spread out all my clothes, same philosophy of a place for everything, so I know where things are and I force myself to put things away once washed/ironed in the right places.

Our house is literally full of cupboards, drawers, shelves, racks, etc so there really is a place for everything. We're lucky in that it's not a particular large house, but there's 3 storage cupboards, two lofts, two garden sheds, and a garage, so between DH and myself, we've plenty of room to put some decent storage solutions in place, lots of those portable plastic/vinyl drawer units, boxes, etc., which we have fully labelled.

My problem is changing seasons when I change from a coat with several pockets to a jacket with just a couple, as that requires a change in mindset and habit as to where to put things.

Another trick, that ironically, our son "taught" me, was to "count" the items you take out, i.e. car key(1), house key (2), purse (3), phone (4), tissues (5) etc etc. I don't know exactly what they are, but he has a "rule of 5", i.e. he checks he's carrying 5 items before he leaves his flat, before he gets off the bus/train, before he leaves a cafe/restaurant, etc.

We're a family of it, as when we're out as a threesome, we're all touching our pockets etc to "count" we've still got the right amount of items with us. When in airports etc., DH is constantly fiddling with the tickets, passports, E11 cards, wallet, keys, etc as he's constantly mentally checking he has everything.

DD has diagnosed ADHD. I am not diagnosed but looking back. I lost a lot of things when I was younger. However when I left home, I had to create routines.

I plan and give myself time. A handbag helps and do it enough times to buold muscle memory.

Before bed I check my bag for purse, keys, lanyard, tissues, pencil case. All work keys are in the pencil case. Phones are charged overnight and put straight in my bag when I wake up. I get my clothes ready the night before and my rucksack with papers and laptop goes by the front door ( I went to work once without it). A handbag has been a life saver since I was about 16. 65 now.

Don't put it down, put it away. Pick it up and put it away. Always in the right place.

I have no idea of the number of umbrellas I have lost. Once I left dd's coat at home when we went on an October half term holiday. Children's coats got lost more than they should have.

You can do something so that certain numbers override the silent mode.