Constantly losing keys, purse and essentials with ADHD, how do you cope?

[AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay]

Does anyone with ADHD understand this? A day in the life ....

Yesterday I lost my house key. I don't know where, or how. It has never turned up in spite of me searching everywhere. Luckily my neighbour has a spare, but I need to pay to get a new one cut. Hopefully I won't lose this spare one.

I went to Caffe Nero for a coffee this morning. I got out my purse to see if I had any of those full cards for a freebie, I didn't, so paid by phone. I had the coffee and then went to a jeweller's to collect some items I had fixed, and also to take in a watch for some repairs.

My purse was not in my bag, neither was the watch. I got very upset in the shop but left my bag with them while I went back to the coffee place. I found the watch in my pocket having no idea it was there. At the coffee place the two women I spoke to (baristas) said that no, no purse was handed in. Could I come back on Saturday when the manager had a chance to look at the CCTV? It had all my cards in.

One of them said to the other "Steph have you looked in the drawer?" She did and it was there. One of the other colleagues would probably have put it in, and not told anyone else. I'm grateful, but it was so stressful. I lost it a couple of years ago on a train, same purse. A year or so before that, in Aldi.

Every day I have an occurrence like this. I bought some eyelash serum and can't find it anywhere. Every single day I lose something or forget something. I do try hard. I use calendar alerts and things but I waste so much time on hunting for things, replacing things and also panicking when I put something somewhere "really safe" and then forget where I've put it.

It's tiring and exhausting. Anyone relate? How do you get around this?

I’m the same, I’m not diagnosed but have always been like this, my nick name as a child was “droopy loopy” because I was constantly losing, forgetting and dropping things.
I will start something which I think will help- finding a place for everything, writing lists, setting reminders on phone, but after about a week I’ve forgotten where my lists are and forget to set the reminders. I’m 60 and feel I’m gettting worse! I find it all totally exhausting to get through each day and end up in tears sometimes.

I have similar problems with losing things. I simply can't remember putting them down but they are no longer in my hand or bag and I spend ages looking for glasses, keys etc. For me though it started in my fifties and I think is a form of cognitive decline.

I completely sympathise. I was forever losing things, then I started certain habits or rituals even that have helped me, as follows:

My key has a coloured cap on it (green cap as I have a green door) so I know it's the correct key. 🔑
We have key hooks on the wall inside, as soon as you enter the house.
The keys go on there, every single time. 🪝

My glasses always stay on my face, except for showers or bed time (next to me on the bedside cabinet) 👓

I have a small over the shoulder handbag (Radley style) which i carry my key, purse and mobile phone 👜

Every morning before the school run, me and my DS6 sing Mr Zip (from Britain's got talent) song before we leave the house!
"Where's my keys, where's my phone?"
Until I confirm that I have both 🎶
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YuKF8wwuAak&pp=0gcJCZoBo7VqN5tD

The last one sounds nuts, but it really helps everyday 😆
I hope these tips help you.
It is bloody hard, and takes a while to get the habit formed.
I even have a little ritual song of my own to get ready with, otherwise I would forget to spray deodorant and brush my teeth 😬
@AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay

I kept losing stuff as I would put it in a "safe place" and it would be gone forever. In the end I named a specifc drawer "the safe place" and put important stuff in there only and that really helped. Like someone else, I have a mental checklist of keys, wallet, phone etc when out and about and moving from one place to another. I also have keys on a lanyard so I can put them around my neck so I don't put them down some random, never to be seen again. At home, I also have a bowl on the side nr the front door for my keys, and I have to put them in there. I always lose my phone in the house though,

It's absolutely exhausting.

I know it's been said a lot on this thread already, but the only thing that's helped me are trackers. I have a tile on my keys. My watch helps me to find my phone. My phone helps me to find my watch. My watch actually notifies me when I'm moving out of range of my phone, it vibrates to alert me. So unless I take my watch off in a cafe (which I have no reason to do), I will know if I've just left my phone in there.

My watch is a Garmin but I imagine lots of smart watches have this functionality. I have an android phone and I use tiles for keys and other important things. So it's doable even if you're an android rather than an apple person (if you have an iPhone then apple watch and air tags).

I really, really recommend doing this. I still spend massive amounts of time looking for things every day but at least I'm less likely to lose my phone and keys (it's still not impossible unfortunately but it is less likely!)

Also just wanted to say that it's your choice whether to take medication or not, you shouldn't feel pressure to take it if you prefer to manage your symptoms in other ways.

You’ve had some great advice like tile trackers etc.

My main advice is accept yourself and simplify. Do you really need to be dragging around free coffee cards etc. Free coffee yes , but more clutter = a more cluttered mind. Reduce everything to the most simple of routines. Think about what you need to do and remove two steps. This was a big revelation to me with my ADHD - I am a chronic over complicator both internally and externally,.

I kept trying to do things how I felt they should be done, which just led to more stress. If I have minimal steps, I’m much less likely to lose things.

I put a timer at 8pm (or whenever the house is finally quiet) and do ten minutes of prep. The thought of doing all the prep overwhelms me and I don’t do it, but if it’s just ten mins, I’ll pack school bags or do lunches. It makes mornings easier and I don’t flap about losing stuff.

Buy two of everything you can. I have spare sunglasses in the glovebox, spare bank card in there, spare makeup bag with basics etc. I get less flustered if I know I have a back up. I call it paying the ADHD tax.

I have various Tiles (trackers that play a tune when you activate them) attached to my keys, loaded on my phone etc. It's been a total game changer. About 15 quid on amazon

I have Appletags on everything and my keys and phone are on a lanyard so put them around my neck when out and about.
Actively notice when you put things down.

I love this and do the same!

Two of everything makes life easier 💯

I get everything ready for night before! 💃
Especially my DS6 school uniform, toothbrush and toothpaste in a cup, his water bottle filled up in the fridge, and my own outfit, with shoes and hairbrush for the next day (usually the same go-to clothes) so I'm not scrambling the next morning and adding to the stress. 😩

His coat and book bag are hung up in the same place on the newel post at the bottom of the stairs, so that he can access them himself without fuss. Along with my over the shoulder bag 🪵

Good habits can deffo help 💕
Edited to add: I decluttered a lot of crap to charity, and it massively helped to be a bit more streamlined.

@AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay

We have a key safe, but the key is on a string tied to the key safe so we don’t have to replace it every few days.

I’ve been unmedicated for a few weeks and its been shit, I’ve been back on them for a week so now normal service is resumed which is nice.

I suspect I have ASD.

I use Alexa. On a morning Alexa tells me to take my pills and then reminds me to brush my teeth.

If I need to take something with me when I was working I would put whatever I needed right in front of the front door so I would trip over it if I didn't pick it up.

For things that can't be left by the door (usually cheesecake) there will be a post it note at eye level on the front door saying, "get the cheesecake from the fridge".

Love this putting by the door 🚪
My husband and I do this, especially for charity shop stuff etc otherwise, it would all live in a pile somewhere else for months 🤦🏻‍♀️

How do you know I’m not stupid or careless?

I'm diagnosed and medicated. Medication makes no difference to the losing/forgetting things aspect for me so these comments aren't helpful to the OP, they're quite judgey.

my strategies are the similar to others but they repeatedly fail. Plus there's the dyspraxic element so the car is constantly dented and I've been known to fall off my stationary bike.

For reading glasses I wear them on my head (although they fall off constantly) I have a dozen cheap pairs from Primark so there should always be a pair in a room but even doing this they all disappear.

work bag is packed and by the door the night before but things do still get left out.

it's exhausting and embarrassing and I repeat- medication doesn't help this aspect for me and I'm on the correct dose. Nor for my boyfriend who is even worse. He keeps his keys on a carabiner attached to his belt at all times but still mislays (and loses) them multiple times a day.

its bloody shite

Life changing - Marie Kondo your life. Much easier when you don’t have as much stuff.

safebox for keys.

everything has a place and you always put the things in the place. If you can’t then you have too much stuff and need to Kondo again.

glasses - two pairs the same. One in your handbag for out that stay in there. One for home that live in ‘the bowl’ a pp mentioned!

everything that can be done, done the night before

everything on a list on your phone. Just a massive list that everything except breathing and eating is added to.

A massive whiteboard for a week planner.

in fact I think my whole life is built for coping with my adhd. I don’t keep any info in my brain - it’s all on my phone, the board, or in it’s. Place in the house

Keys in carabinas too!

Whiteboard in the kitchen is a game changer deffo 🙌

The only way I manage is to have as little as possible to remember. I don’t carry a purse anymore so all day to day purchases go through my phone which is always in a bright case and has find my switched on. I have one small set of keys (car, gate fob and house key to open only the front door) with a key ring so that fits in my pocket. Small vape and one bottle of juice. Everything in my jeans pockets, in an order so I know where they’re supposed to be. After that I’m pretty much ready to roll. At home, phone is with me, keys go in one specific place only. If I leave the keys somewhere else all hell breaks loose as I can never find them!

Important papers go in the important papers drawer - it’s hideously disorganised but I know exactly where I need to rifle through. Everything I use daily has a spot and I mainly put it back where it lives so life is easier the next day. Ditto chargers, I don’t move mine from their spot.

The system isn’t perfect but it’s a damn sight easier if I follow it!

You need to have a place for everything. So put some hooks up by the door. Everytime you get home, keys immediately get put on the hook. Same with purse, have a drawer or box to put it in, again with makeup , you should have a dressing table or somewhere that you store it. That way you know that’s where it goes. Don’t even think about putting items anywhere else.

I find having a designated place and using it helps. We have a row of 3 hooks and each set of car/house keys has one. We put our key on it as soon as we come through the door.
My purse always lives in my handbag which lives on a side table in the hall

Keys all together on one big key ring, attach an air tag and always hang in the same place. Don't have a purse, just use phone and digital wallet, I never need a card (except for some petrol stations where you have to input the card and pin, but then I just pay inside).

Trial medications. There’s no point breaking your brain and your spirit trying to cope. It sounds as though your brother hasn’t found the right dose or type of medication yet (short vs long acting, methylphenidate vs dex etc) so please don’t make that colour your approach to your own health - for a start your hormones fluctuate monthly and impact your adhd differently to your brothers.

Love the poster who puts things on strings, I was thinking like a ski lift pass or coiled bungee. I use my phone for most things now (less to forget) but absolutely use trackers and set up a charging station and mark a day in your phone cal see (with alarm) to change / charge the batteries.

Also, my first thoughts were how do you cope with just one key and one spare?! Get 2 cut and get a lock box or put one on a string in your handbag as a back up.

Someone asked me why I still have a landline. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I use the landline to find my phone and my phone to find my landline.

Recently I had to take medication four times a day and I put an alarm on my iPad. This has been fantastically useful for those countless occasions when I put my iPad down and spend at least an hour looking for it. Although I’m no longer taking the medication, I’m keeping the alarm on the iPad.

I disagree with someone who talked about 30 days to make a new habit. I think psychologist say it takes six weeks rather than 30 days but- and I do have an ADHD diagnosis – I can have a habit that lasts for months and then I suddenly stopped doing it, but without recognising that I’m not doing it anymore. It’s only, for example, the following year when I come across something that reminds me of it that I remember this was something I did meticulously for months on end and then suddenly stopped.

I keep my keys in the door. I know you’re not supposed to but I do.

My problem is extreme, and I mean absolutely dreadful untidiness. I’m trying to declutter and get rid of everything but the bare essentials but I’m finding it almost impossible and overwhelming so I’m ashamed to say I’m just ignoring the problem.

As for hobbies, I’m lucky enough now to have a hobby that completely consumes me and has done for several years. I’m able to confined my impulses to buying stuff for that hobby but I am overwhelmed with supplies. I need to find a way to channel that into something else or find a distraction. Sometimes it works if I say that I won’t buy it for 24 hours and, sure enough, I’ve often by the next day, forgotten about it completely. But at the time it’s almost overwhelming, particularly at night.

I'm married to a man who keeps keys on a chain so he doesn't lose them. I have misophonia, I can't bear the noise when we're out walking 🤣