Constantly losing keys, purse and essentials with ADHD, how do you cope?

[AlwaysAnAirheadMomentEveryDay]

Does anyone with ADHD understand this? A day in the life ....

Yesterday I lost my house key. I don't know where, or how. It has never turned up in spite of me searching everywhere. Luckily my neighbour has a spare, but I need to pay to get a new one cut. Hopefully I won't lose this spare one.

I went to Caffe Nero for a coffee this morning. I got out my purse to see if I had any of those full cards for a freebie, I didn't, so paid by phone. I had the coffee and then went to a jeweller's to collect some items I had fixed, and also to take in a watch for some repairs.

My purse was not in my bag, neither was the watch. I got very upset in the shop but left my bag with them while I went back to the coffee place. I found the watch in my pocket having no idea it was there. At the coffee place the two women I spoke to (baristas) said that no, no purse was handed in. Could I come back on Saturday when the manager had a chance to look at the CCTV? It had all my cards in.

One of them said to the other "Steph have you looked in the drawer?" She did and it was there. One of the other colleagues would probably have put it in, and not told anyone else. I'm grateful, but it was so stressful. I lost it a couple of years ago on a train, same purse. A year or so before that, in Aldi.

Every day I have an occurrence like this. I bought some eyelash serum and can't find it anywhere. Every single day I lose something or forget something. I do try hard. I use calendar alerts and things but I waste so much time on hunting for things, replacing things and also panicking when I put something somewhere "really safe" and then forget where I've put it.

It's tiring and exhausting. Anyone relate? How do you get around this?

I also have tiles, for keys, car keys, wallet.
I also have one space for each specific item at home and work.
I find myself patting my pockets and double checking my bag a lot.

Then surely your brother’s Adderall dose is too high (or he doesn’t actually have ADHD).

Magnetic wallet attached to my phone, air tag on keys!

I have late diagnosed ADHD but without realising I had it, I somehow managed to work out coping mechanisms for most things. For example, pretty much everything I own has its permanent place and if I move something (for example, take it out of the house), I immediately put it back in its permanent place when I return. The first thing I do as I walk through the front door is empty my pockets/bag etc and put everything back where it ‘lives’. I have to do it immediately or of course I will get distracted and then I’ll never find anything again. I try not to change handbags etc (that’s a recipe for disaster) but if I do, I empty the ‘temporary’ bag as soon as I get home. Before I leave anywhere, I always check I have my keys, phone, etc. Several times. It’s a bit sad but the repeated checks are worth it in the long run.

I’ve actually just fired my cleaner because she kept ‘helpfully’ moving things (she thought it was ‘tidying’) which caused me no end of problems. The challenge actually comes when I move house or get new furniture etc because then the ‘permanent places’ may change and I can’t remember the new ones but can remember the ones from 5 years ago in a flat in a totally different country!

Strongly relate! It is exhausting. I actually don't take keys out anymore, I have a lockbox outside that I leave some in, otherwise rely on my dh or dd's being in the house to let me in. If I'm honest I've also regressed in terms of what I do myself regarding errands and chores out and about - driving has become too anxiety inducing too so I rarely do that. It's not nice, and I hate feeling I lack independence, but between chronic pain and adhd life is exhausting and difficult so I have had to make allowances to make it easier for myself! My colleagues at work (online job) would have no idea I'm so inept in so many other areas of my life.

Everything has to have a place and it won't get put down until it gets there

Hooks for keys, bus pass and watches, where I 'load up' before leaving the house and when I return, I have to see everything lined up before I walk away

Glasses are either being worn or in their cases

Back pack at the lino tiled 'loading station' in the kitchen, ready to be set up for the day - extra shopping bags added if necessary

Work pass is on a hook before my coat. I can't get my coat on without putting the work pass on first

Eyelash serum would have been brought directly to where I was going to use it, either bathroom or dressing table

Letters are dealt with when they arrive and the envelopes torn up and recycled

Clutter must go so that you can see clearly and find things faster

Edited to add - Also, I routinely wear similar clothes with pockets, day, night, work or occasion

Keys - right trouser pocket
Bus pass - right coat/jacket pocket
Coins/money - left trousers pocket
Hand cream and tissues- left coat/jacket pocket
Wallet - right fleece zip up pocket , (got to be able to seal the pockets for fear of things dropping out) or in a cross body bag if it's too warm for a fleece
Phone - left fleece zip up pocket or in a cross body bag

Boring, but dependable

Infuriating isn't it? I got better at this as I got older.

Everything has only three places to be.

In use.

At home, where it must go there before anything else does, even taking of my shoes. Keys go in a box by the front door, for example.

Out of home, in exactly the same pocket of exactly the same bag and I'm rigid about checking I've got the bag before I leave anywhere. The bag has a place in the car where it must be if I'm in the car. The bag has lots of pockets so each thing, phone, bus pass, keys, has its own pocket.

No I'm not but my brother is, why?

Can totally relate . Try to have places for things and put things back .
of course doesn’t always work and get distracted . Sadly the kids don’t follow this though.

Lose my phone and glasses in the house mostly . Usually distracted / door goes - put it down and have to try and remember where I was last .
if anyone else in the house , can get them to phone , my phone . Doesn’t always work as may have put it to silent and not turned it back on - and can’t always hear the vibrating ….

Glasses - now blind as a bat and can’t find them, if put down somewhere . Have to use my other pair - thankfully usually kept beside my desk to find first pair .

Yes , quite often lose things in the house that I have bought . Put it in a bag to take to bathroom / bedroom and am lucky to find it weeks later .
One unintended benefit of this is , have “re - found “ a few extra favourite foundations ( now discontinued ) .

Have ordered a new one when I was running out as can’t find the one I bought , so end up with multiples or may have bought several in one go , if a special offer / reduced price .

When outside have a panic in shops , usually worry I have lost phone / car keys / bank card / purse .

Not sure if I could afford to get air tags for everything , can anyone recommend the cheaper tiles that work ? Thanks- don’t really trust Amazon reviews anymore .

I think there was a recent thread on undeleted emails . That’s totally me - for work and home . At work I occasionally will try to be more organised and open more sub folders etc . But then I forget I have done that / what I named it and can’t find the email later ….

My default is very much to be untidy / disorganised . Will try and organise drawers etc from time to time . Do very much have cupboards where you take your life in your hands , opening .

Would like to be more organised, but not minimalist . When all the rage, did buy the Marie Kondo book . Too extreme for me . Probably , put it down somewhere - never to be seen again …

Not adhd but I lose things all the time, or at least I used to.

i don’t have a purse any more. I have a small cross body bag that goes everywhere with me. My cards are in there, my house / bike keys too and they are attached to a roll-out clip thing so they always go back in the bag. My work keys are on a lanyard and they are either round my neck or on a hook near the door. All other keys also hang there. Similarly my hearing aids are either in the charger or in my ears.

My phone is a problem: it’s constantly in my hand and I often put it down then walk away. Recently it’s been rescued from Ikea x 2 (left in the toilets plus I put it down on a shelf to measure something and walked away). I’ve lost one before as I put it on the roof of the car to sort something, then drove away 🙄. I haven’t solved that one yet. Glasses too, though not so much since I got new glasses that I can wear all the time.

I cope by only carrying one thing, my phone. I have a phone case that's like a wallet and I keep my money and cards in that.

I can cope with keeping track of one thing, especially as I can ring it when I lose it.

We have Alexa. I must say "Alexa where's my phone" about 10 times a day! (It calls it).

Out of the house, I don't carry a bag of at all possible. I have the phone in my pocket. I wear dresses with decent pockets or jeans. It helps that I don't wear makeup so all I need is my phone and access to money. I keep my phone charger in my coat pocket. In warmer weather I sometimes carry a bag, but my phone still doesn't go in it, only the phone charger and non-essentials.

I don't carry a key, haven't in years as I just kept losing them. It was ridiculous. I leave a door open. Not an ideal solution but we live in a sleepy part of town. If we're all going to be out for a while then it's on DP to lock up and have a key.

My eyesight is going and I finally got round to getting glasses in October. I've lost 4 pairs since then and am back to living with things being blurry, just couldn't keep.hold of them :(

We attached my daughter’s keys and wallet to the inside of her bag on a long piece of string. So she can get them out to open the door or pay for something, but can’t accidentally leave them somewhere. She doesn’t seem to lose the bag, probably because she is focused on remembering just that now.

It worked so well I did the same with a hairbrush tied to the bathroom radiator which has reduced our morning rows by about 50 percent

I don’t have ADHD but I lose things a lot. I’m just stupid and careless. Anyway, for keys I’ve resorted to putting AirTags on. Like others, I don’t have a purse, just my phone with cards in the case. I use find my or call it when I lose that. I get really upset when I lose my keys, for some reason it’s a massive trigger for me.

Some of these already mentioned above:

Tile tracker on your key ring and the credit card sized one in your purse. The sticker types are useful for kindles and such like. Wish they did tiny ones for glasses…

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Don’t put it down, put it away.

Always, always look around you when you leave public transport/pub/cafe to make sure you’ve not dropped/left anything.

Have a mantra that covers the essentials when you are leave the house. Phone, keys, wallet etc.

Keylock on the house for when you forget your keys.

Putting things in a ‘safe’ place? Yeah, can’t help with that one. Especially after a couple of glasses of wine. But would welcome advice from others 😂

Alexa timers for anything and everything, running a bath, things on the hob, making a phone call, last minute eBay bid, you get the message…

Notice board for random things you think of that need attention that aren’t that urgent but you know you’ll forget otherwise. I look when I know I’ve got time to do something/buy something online/make that phone call/do online research etc

Habit building.

The main thing is, don’t beat yourself up about it. Honestly, it’s the ADHD, not YOU.

I have adhd and I lose things in the house but not outside. It’s because I have one hand bag of medium size and everything has its own place in it. Inattentive adhd means our brains are thinking of something else while our hands are going on automatic pilot. So you need to have routines your hands can follow without instructions from your brain. Your phone always goes there. Your keys always goes there etc. But don’t make it complicated it can only be one step. I have to put my house keys not too far from the front door or I drop them in the wrong place.

lately I can’t find my handbag in my house so I have been carrying keys and phone etc in a jacket with zipped pockets. I must find my handbag today thanks for reminding me

You may not have ADHD. Or you may not have an ADHD diagnosis. There are a lot of late diagnosed people who spent their entire lives calling themselves "just stupid and careless" and thought they were irrationally angry at small things, who found out on diagnosis that they actually do have ADHD. It's looking like it might be about 1 in 10 of us, it's a very common condition.

Adderal is an American brand which is why someone asked if you are in America - if he can’t sleep than the dose is too high or maybe he’s taking a 12hr long pill too late in the day (they also do 8hr and 4hr pills)

Lanyard of house keys round my neck
Small shoulder bag on with two compartments only - one fits my phone, the other my cards.
30 days to create a habit - I put my car keys in there. I pretty much sleep with that bag!
Finally, glasses, I have a glass stand next to my bed. They only come off to go onto that now.

Feel your pain
Done it, been it, lost it, scrambled for it
The above works
Oh and I keep house keys in the lock overnight before wearing again although some will tell you it is a security risk. Thieves would be doing me a favour tbh in taking any of my stuff away so I do not care xx 😂

This is NOT ideal but I don't have a purse any more. My cards are on my phone and my key stays in my coat pockets - it's a keyless start so that's easy enough as I don't need to find it. and we don't lock our front door

I have big colourful key chains and two sets of keys. They go in a designated bowl. I have a colourful box for makeup, a basket for hairbrushes, multiple reading glasses, a small drawer for passport and other essential documents.

You are not stupid, or careless. How do you know you haven’t got ADHD?

Anchoring. Physically not mentally. When I had a bag, my keys, purse, bottle, ear bud box, battery were bungee-tethered to a d ring inside. Now I always wear jeans (pockets!) and keys and phone are tethered. When I put jeans in the wash I detach stuff and attach to the next pair there and then (there is no later). Purse is tethered to office supplies drawer as are scissors and hole punch. Tragically my toothbrush and toothpaste are tethered to my bathroom sink. I desperately do eye exercises because I know I will struggle with glasses.

If I have to think about something I am doomed, so I automate it, make it physically impossible to not comply, set reminders or try to remove it from my life. I don’t know if I have ADHD and I can’t face the effort and organisation it would take to find out.

Some good ideas here. Can I recommend two books by Rich and Rox Pink? Called Dirty Laundry and Small Talk. I have found them very helpful. Fun to listen to as well if you like audiobooks.

I call it the ADHD tax. I accept it as part of my life.

I’ve bookmarked @ChanelLove’s post as it’s so helpful.

Another one without an ADHD diagnosis but who recognises every word of what you are saying. (Incidentally do read the poem The Art of Losing).

Do consider the physical impact of this kind of stress every day before you completely rule out a trial of medication. My dp’s daughter’s fiance has just started adhd meds and is a happier man.