Is it rude to decline being a pallbearer if you are asked?

[funeraldisagreements]

Due to a family disagreement I’m wondering how others see this . Is it rude to decline to be a pallbearer? For any reason ? Whether that be that you are too upset / grieving or just really don’t want to or just want to attend the funeral/wake not participate in any other part ?

If you’re asked and decline surely that’s ok? Or is it see as disrespectful and something you should not say no to?

I will add this wasn’t a specific request of the deceased person (DP grandfather) but more of demand (dressed up as a simple request initially) by wider family.

I don’t think anyone enjoys carrying a coffin!

In my family, it's been a mix of family and funeral directors. For my dad's funeral a few years ago it was 4 funeral directors, plus my DH and my sisters DH. My children were all still young then.
For my mum last year, it was my (now adult) three children, my sisters adult son, my DH and sisters DH.

Honestly, it was lovely to have them carry mum. But if any of them hadn't wanted to, that would be fine, I wouldn't want them to have to do something they felt uncomfortable doing. I certainly wouldn't find it rude or disrespectful if they preferred not to.

You're right. Badly phrased.
He felt uncomfortable with it in a way that my brother and cousins didn't. There is something comforting about funeral rites, that isn't comforting if they aren't the ones you've grown up with. My brother would have been upset to not carry my Dad. My husband did it out of deference to my brother, not because it felt intrinsically like the right thing to do in and of itself.