Dear OP,
I have great respect for you and I fully understand that your life has absolutely not turned out as you thought and hoped it would be. I suspect that the things and suggestions that will help you are ones that don’t seem particularly unusual or are ones that have been mentioned before, but there is often some truth in them.
First off, may I suggest calling the Samaritans at times when you feel you could do with talking to someone? They are not only for people who are in the brink of self harm. Whilstit is true that they can’t do anything to change your circumstances, they do have experience of listening to people who are in desperate straits and sometimes they can put you in touch with resources that can help you. That is not to say they can provide them, but they sometimes know people who can assist.
Second, and I’m really sorry to be so trite, but I would make a list of the short medium and long-term things that would help you. It could be as little as just having an hour to yourself or a decent night’s sleep. It does help to be clear and specific in your own mind about what you need and what you want.
Where I live there are local charities that support families. They aren’t national charities and their reach doesn’t extend beyond my county and the one next door. I suggest you look around.
I do know how irritating it is when people who know nothing make suggestions that you’re already aware of and that can’t assist you for one reason or another. I will take that risk. You have lots of different issues going on.
Have you contacted the Carers Trust? Charities that support people with autism and their families might also help.
There is also the Survivors Network for people who are affected by someone’s sexual offending. Probably there are other others too and it might be worth contacting your local authority, to ask. Social workers often do know of local resources.
If you break down every single problem that you have and look for a support network, charity or other organisation that deals with that, you can take a strategic approach to getting assistance you need. You’re going to have to be ruthless and determined about that.
It seems to me that you need the support of people who are experiencing your specific difficulties, not just general friendship groups. You need people who understand what you’re going through, so that you can speak freely.
Nevertheless, perhaps also look at ways you can get time out away from your difficulties, even if it’s only by Zoom. Again, I’m going to be trite: have you thought of things like book clubs? Even virtual meetings? I realise you don’t have time to read much, I really do understand that, but a couple of chapters a week with a focus of a meeting might help. You can read read books online through your local library.
I do apologise if my suggestions come across as well meaning but utterly useless. As I hope you can see from here there is a great deal of support for you from people who do not know you. That will continue.