Regrets, do you have lots, a few, none?

[NovemberMorn]

I don't have any, not any serious ones anyway.
I accept I have made mistakes, probably a few bad choices, but they have all been a learning curve.
We can all muse about the sliding doors theory, but in the scheme of things, what's the point of having regrets?

@Back20that sounds like things are going better than you thought despite your choices about those big decisions? If I've understood correctly, that's flipping great.

I regret words more than actions.

No regrets but sometimes think ‘what if’..,,

Definitely I have a lot.

Same. I think that the main one for me is DH, who was totally unsuitable. I made the mistake of falling for his potential and have been disappointed ever since.

Yes, but I remember how I felt at those times, how vulnerable and how little agency I had.

I regret that I was in those situations but I don’t think that I could have acted differently or made different choices

They are pointless though, especially if you learn from your past mistakes.

One massive one, two big ones no others that matter

Regrets
I have a lot
Far too many
Too many to mention

So many regrets. The main one is thinking the grass was greener. It wasn't and I'm still living with the regret. I don't ever think I will forgive myself or get over it to be honest.

Agree. I tend to look forwards rather than backwards. I do have reasonable grounds for regret - many years of domestic abuse. I should have left much earlier. Nothing I can do about that. I have 2 amazing DCs from that relationship. I had an awful time in most respects but I still don’t look back on it particularly regretfully although if I had my time again, I would do things differently. I have learned many lessons of course.

Huge regret - had an affair.

stupidest most selfish thing I’ve ever done or ever will do. Confessed to my husband and he forgave me.

I deeply regret this. I’m not the person I thought I was. But this was a long time ago and everything has moved on. I have been lucky that I didn’t lose everything.

Me too! I could be a bit of a cow at times. It does haunt me , but you do live and learn as you age. I know I did.

I think that unless we are very wise and very saintly, all of us have cause for regret.
It's whether we nurture them or not....a bit like guilt, what's the point?
As long as we learn from our mistakes, move on, we don't have to forget them, they can be a benificial reminder not to go that particular way again.

Oh this was very sad to read this for your children , no happy family memories for them? Also when they are adults they may not want to be in contact with their mum, if you don’t love them who will ? Can you turn it around ?

What the hell!

I regret marrying such a twat, but then again, I wouldn't have had these exact children if I hadn't married him. I may have had children with someone better, but they wouldn't have been the exact ones I have, and they are lovely.

That's an odd response to the poster who replied to you.

My biggest regret was pandering to family demands of helping them run their business (for no pay!) due to emotional blackmail, i.e. working all weekend on top of my own M-F full time job, and even doing a couple of hours some mornings before work. At the same time as trying to gain professional qualifications by self study/evening classes, and having two hobbies of voluntary work.

I VERY nearly lost my most serious boyfriend because of it as he was, rightly, miffed that I had so little time to spend with him, literally a couple of evenings per week of around 2/3 hours and barely any time at weekends at all! We broke up a few of times because of it, but each time we got back together. At the time, I kind of blamed it on him not being understanding/supportive, but eventually I finally had the light bulb moment that I was the unreasonable one (in fact it was my family with their emotional blackmail that I had to help in their business!).

In the end, I had to walk away from the business and had to go low contact with the family as I stopped working there and they took it very badly. When I was "free" to spend time with boyfriend (who was by then my fiance), I finally realised all the wasted years we'd suffered. We were finally free to spend quality time together, free to have more holidays, started wedding planning, etc - all of which had been impossible. It delayed our marriage and living together by several years, which in turn meant I was too old to have more than one child, which is my major regret. All's well that ends well, I'm still together with DS 39 years later! But almost every day I'm thankful that he put up with it and waited for me!

If I had my time again, I'd throw myself into that relationship and stop working in the family business as soon as I'd got a F/T job. It would have saved a lot of pain and misery along the way. It's not as if the family business was worth anything anyway - ended up having to be sold for peanuts when my parents got too old to run it themselves, and it meant they had no quality of life as they never got to retire and enjoy the benefits. I think if I'd have walked away earlier it would have forced them to sell many years earlier at a time when the business was more profitable and would have sold for decent money, so indirectly it affected them too in the long run!

Replied to me with children , no happy family memories for them? Also when they are adults they may not want to be in contact with their mum, if you don’t love them who will

I think ‘what the hell’ was polite, in response to that!

I agree with this and wonder how so many people dont think about it (I mean this in a jealous way)

Mine mainly relate to men! I would have gone for it with several I didn't and not with some I did!

Where do I start?
I suppose it all comes down to one thing - wish I’d never married.
I hate my husband with every fibre of my being. He’s the most cruel (emotionally) to me and DD person I could ever imagine meeting. Actively admits punishing me for perceived ego slights. He hates me. I adored him until the wool fell from my eyes as it were.
That happened with my first pregnancy- she was stillborn and I almost died too. He gave absolutely no fucks. I should have left then. That’s my second regret.
Getting pregnant accidentally again is my next - I’m omitting the miscarriage he was delighted about but the one which resulted in my seriously disabled child. I absolutely adore her. She’s fantastic. She loves her life. She just doesn’t know anything about the diagnosis we’ve recently received. Now I regret not terminating her. For her sake.
I regret everything I’ve done since I met this man.
I also regret reporting the creepy freak consultant who sexually assaulted me. Top tip for life - never report unless the police take it forward.
I regret every moment of my life from aged 30 onwards - and I’m 50.
Before that I’d say no matter what shit I had to put up with my life felt blessed and wonderful.

The love of my life asked if I'd make a go of it with him. I wasn't in the right place at the time and said no. It was about logistics, not desire. But he met someone else a year later and they are now married. I regret that conversation every single day. I remember exactly where I was, what we were doing, and how at the time I thought there would be another chance. There wasn't. Biggest mistake of my life.

She also said it was sad to read for your children, and asked if there was any way you could turn it around.
Her reply was harsh I suppose, but considering your first post, understandable.