Caused a big smash, so guilty and so worried

[dollabuckz]

I caused a car accident, something happened with my child and I looked back at them and when I looked back at the road traffic had stopped and I couldn’t stop in time. I slammed on my breaks so I wasn’t going that fast when we collided but there was still a big impact and a lot of damage, my car took the majority of it (complete write off) the car infront the owner told me it was written off but from photos I don’t think it would have been. Two others car were involved too but minimal damage and both drove away. Everyone was fine and kept assuring me they weren’t hurt. I got details and text them all the next day and all drivers told me they were ok. I have been absolutely consumed with guilt about it, I’ve been having panic attacks and waking up in the night replaying it all. I’m absolutely cut up. The one saving grace was that no one was hurt, except now they are. I had an email from my insurer that it’s being passed to the injury team as one of them are now claiming injury, I’m not sure what, whether it’s whiplash or something more serious. I feel horrendous that I might have hurt someone. I’ve already re-insured myself on my new car and my premium didn’t go up, I already had no claims anyway because I was a named driver on an ex partners car for years, I don’t know if this will now change and become more expensive because of the injury. At the end of the day I can take it, it was my fault and I will suffer the consequences. I’ll never forgive myself for it, I could have killed my kids or innocent other people. If it costs me more it costs me more. The whole situation is just really overwhelming. I was finally starting to feel better about it and not think about it all day everyday and now this has just massively triggered me again. I know it’s my fault so that sounds selfish. The whole thing is just really impacting my mental health. I never wanted any of this to happen

Actually she did do something irresponsible. She’s lucky not to have been done for driving without due care or attention i.e. careless driving. Being distracted by other passengers in the car falls under driving without due care or attention and can result in anything from a fine/3 points to a loss of licence.

You've had such a shock but despite this you are back behind the wheel and that's the best thing. Over the next few days hopefully the anxiety will fade and you will be back to driving as normal.
Go easy on yourself. Shunts like this are very common especially with high amounts of traffic and the number of cars on the road then factor in idiotic drivers (not you). You didn't do anything on purpose. Forgive yourself and move on. You sound really nice, texting to check everyone was ok.

I completely understand your vulnerability (which is why I’d never chose to ride a motorbike). When I see bike riders going the speeds they do, it terrifies me. I have tech that warns me of unseen dangers etc. I would hate to not have them otherwise, even though I’m a conscientious, cautious driver. As a driver you will always be in the wrong as they are a more vulnerable road user. I’d like to think this would never happen to me…

Can I ask (motorbike wise) how many injuries are caused by a driver crashing into them at lights/traffic versus high speed collision/ motorbike driver error?

Never. Quite honestly, never have I turned to look behind me while driving.

You’ve never had a small child vomit or cry nonstop! If your 6mth old child projectile vomited in your back seat you’d not even look back to check on them??? You’d ignore until you pulled into a yellow safe zone (I think every mile or 3). Better driver, yes. Shit parent, also yes.

Really?!?!

My special needs child half strangling himself on his seatbelt on the M1 was memorable, you wouldn't have looked back?

We're all there but for the grace of god if you'll excuse the expression) if you really genuinely havent been there, be thankful for your good fortune, not look down on those who have not had the same luck

Well done you.
Also, please note I never said turned to looked behind, I said many of us have been distracted. I've looked in the rear view mirror at my child who was coughing a little too long, and looked back at the road soon after to find everyone in front of me breaking suddenly.
Just one example. But then, we can't all be perfect 🙏

Not a shit driver. I don't want my kid to die in a crash or me to die or me to cause a crash. Literally, I managed fine. Driving is incredibly dangerous.

I'm far from perfect, but I know danger and I know how driving a car is essentially the most dangerous thing we all do.

The world is full of people judging each other. Some are judged unfairly. Some are judged fairly.

Turning round when continuing to drive forwards is a situation where I will judge.

If you love and care for your child you do not drive a heavy vehicle forwards at speed while not looking.

I was also replying about the posters predicament not your hypothetical one involving no accident and a disabled child.

This is terrible advice and untrue. You cannot drive around expecting to be in a car accident.

I am glad that the OP is feeling remorseful about the accident but she keeps saying “my kids were in the car”. What about if there were kids in other cars? I am sorry the OP is finding the aftermath upsetting, but I am absolutely shocked that the OP turned around to the REAR seats while she was operating a metal object at least one tonne in weight. It takes a few seconds to turn around and back again.

and because it wasn’t just one car it means she must have been going at some speed.

OP, if your panicking about others rear-ending you then you’re obviously traumatised and should perhaps get some counselling, A week after the event I can see why it is still raw and wish you all the best. People only rear-end someone because they’ve taken their eyes off the road. People really do need to be more careful when operating a big hunk of metal. We were rear-ended at a roundabout as the stupid man was on his phone.

I would take this as a valuable lesson.

This sounds a bit similar to my dad recently and he’s just got a court summons ☹️ however I think my dads will go under a dangerous manouvere. He was distracted getting home as his wife had just had a phone call that her sister had died, went to overtake and misjudged it and couldn’t pull back in in time and it’s led to a smash involving 3 cars. It was actually into one but 2 others got caught by the debris of the collision. Thank god nobody was hurt but it’s shook him up so much that he’s decided not to drive now and to just let his wife so all the driving. He was already at high premiums due to epilepsy but I know from him the guilt has been eating him up.

I think we forget just how dangerous cars are and that it only takes a split second but you’ve done what a lot of parents must do as natural instinct and unfortunately at the wrong timing ☹️ I hope that in time you will feel better and I don’t think you will ever do that again now. It’s taken a few months for my dad to get court summons but he’s expecting either points or to lose his license for driving without due care and attention but 2 out of 3 cars caught up in it were written off. Just from a misjudged manouvere but I expect they’ll say if he knew there’d been bad news and his driving judgement could have been affected, that as a driver he shouldn’t have got behind the wheel

Really? I’m sure on renewal and getting new quotes I've been asked questions about the severity of previous claims and if there were any injuries