Caused a big smash, so guilty and so worried

[dollabuckz]

I caused a car accident, something happened with my child and I looked back at them and when I looked back at the road traffic had stopped and I couldn’t stop in time. I slammed on my breaks so I wasn’t going that fast when we collided but there was still a big impact and a lot of damage, my car took the majority of it (complete write off) the car infront the owner told me it was written off but from photos I don’t think it would have been. Two others car were involved too but minimal damage and both drove away. Everyone was fine and kept assuring me they weren’t hurt. I got details and text them all the next day and all drivers told me they were ok. I have been absolutely consumed with guilt about it, I’ve been having panic attacks and waking up in the night replaying it all. I’m absolutely cut up. The one saving grace was that no one was hurt, except now they are. I had an email from my insurer that it’s being passed to the injury team as one of them are now claiming injury, I’m not sure what, whether it’s whiplash or something more serious. I feel horrendous that I might have hurt someone. I’ve already re-insured myself on my new car and my premium didn’t go up, I already had no claims anyway because I was a named driver on an ex partners car for years, I don’t know if this will now change and become more expensive because of the injury. At the end of the day I can take it, it was my fault and I will suffer the consequences. I’ll never forgive myself for it, I could have killed my kids or innocent other people. If it costs me more it costs me more. The whole situation is just really overwhelming. I was finally starting to feel better about it and not think about it all day everyday and now this has just massively triggered me again. I know it’s my fault so that sounds selfish. The whole thing is just really impacting my mental health. I never wanted any of this to happen

i dont understand why car drivers like to follow so close to the cars infront, if they kept distance then they would not likely crash ?

Car insurance is not there IF you have an accident. It is there for WHEN you have an accident. Remember that this is all very fresh and stressful/painful but you will get through it and do what needs to be done. You're not the first person to have a crash and your insurance should guide you through this.

There's evidence playing Tetris in the aftermath of a crash reduces the risk of PTSD by the way.

I can see that you’ve clearly taken responsibility for the accident and will no doubt learn from it. So I want to focus on just one thing. You say something happened with your child and you looked at them.

You don’t need to answer here, but can you reflect on what it was and what can be done in future so you’re not distracted and turning like this? I say this because this is exactly how a 10 year old I was teaching died. Granted he was having a tantrum, threatening to jump out of the car, his mum turned to look at him and veered off the road and into a lamppost. It absolutely was an accident, she did love her son, but I’m sure you can just begin to imagine the sort of lifelong consequences of this on the rest of the family. It really was devastating.

So yes, feel the jitters now, but make sure you really do everything you can to minimise those distractions whilst driving.

Thankfully, everyone is okay and even with an injury claim now, I can’t imagine it’s more than whiplash and some soft tissue damage. No doubt they’ve been advised to put in a claim in case it gets worse, but in all likelihood, they will be fine in another week too.

The memories that you have now will fade, but let it change those little driving habits that sneak in for the better.

Car insurance is not there IF you have an accident. It is there for WHEN you have an accident

what are you talking about @LovingLimePeer . Having a car accident isn’t inevitable!

There was nothing remotely graphic in that post. What are you on about?

The average person is likely to experience 3-4 car accidents in a lifetime, with a typical driver filing a collision claim about every 18 years.

It's extremely probable someone will have an accident during their driving career. For most people it's not a case of if you will use your insurance, but when.

It seems like you were traumatised by this incident, and you deserve support to help you navigate that. It’s not good that this happened, you recognise that, but you got very lucky that everyone walked away from it. Don’t punish yourself more than you already have, but do seek support for the trauma.

Be kind to yourself, you're a mother, a mother's instinct overrides everything, your child needed your attention and in that split second you didn't think. It could happen to anyone. You didn't choose for this to happen. The car that is claiming injuries presumably wasn't that injured given you were crawling along and that they didn't say anything at the time. Maybe they had a bit of a stiff neck the next day, if they have any damage they'll get a pay out. That's what insurance is for. You are clearly remorseful and shame on anyone making you feel guilty. With time you'll think about it less. I had an accident over a year ago and it's still being sorted out, so just a heads up it can take ages. Happy weekend to you.

You made a mistake taking your eye off the road, something bad happened, and you’ve acknowledged where you went wrong, done everything you can to do the right thing since, and will learn this lesson. You’ll be more careful. What more is it you want from yourself. Accidents happen.

@Bristolandlazy
I don’t think the traffic was crawling along.

What are you looking for from this post? People making you feel better? Unfortunately in over thirty years of driving I have been involved in accidents which were not my fault. They have caused so much time and stress. One accident was a similar incident to the one you described and the other party’s insurers behaved like absolute pricks and held off on setting for a couple of years. This raised my insurance as it was recorded as an open claim. It made it a nightmare for my son to get insurance as a learner driver. Your actions will cause consequences to others, through no fault of their own.

OP if it helps I, like many others, have done similar.
I was distracted and rolled my car into the one in front. At the scene, no visible damage, no injuries, everyone seemed fine other than me shaking like a leaf.
A few weeks later I found out that I was getting done for causing so much expensive damage to the car and injury to both passengers.
Fortunaly I took plenty of photos at the time which disproved the damage and the insurance company had someone come and inspect my car for impact damage and they ruled the the injuries could not be a result of the impact.
I even was summoned to court for it but they bailed out...presumably because they knew they were lying.
I very willingly cooperated and would have paid whatever necessary for someone injured, but they "had an accident that wasn't your fault" and went with it.

@CatamaranViper
The op’s car has been written off - she didn’t just roll into the car in front.

First of all, no immediate serious injury.

Second, these rare things do happen to many of as careful drivers and we have remorse and learn from it. That one time split second, the crunch of metal, it's a huge shock.

Third, yes it's only after impact that you feel whiplash. A car went into the back of me, didn't feel hard, but within minutes my neck went stiff as a board and I went to hospital. Not one to want to cause a fuss but the automatic transfer to claim were issued. Also my car was a write off, with just a slight dent it would have cost more through insurance to have it repaired than what it was worth, gutted!

Any accident involving more than just your own vehicle has to go to insurance. It doesn't mean premiums go up, I was told by the insurance company it doesn't unless you've had several claims within a short period of time. Mine didn't for causing an accident and then being victim to two!

OP it was very recent and it will take time for you to stop re-living it But give it time and while you won't forget, the trauma will lessen.

Last year I was sitting at a traffic light when the car behind me went into the back of my car. It turned out that the car behind that car hadn't been paying attention and had driven into the car behind me which in turn was pushed into me.
I reported it to my insurance company anyway and brought it to the garage who checked it over and said it was ok. The car immediately behind mine was an older driver and he was very shaken. The insurance company of the driver of the car who caused the accident rang me a few times asking me about the accident and implied that the car immediately behind me was responsible for driving into me. I felt very sorry for the older driver because the person who caused the accident freely said at the time that he was at fault, that his mind had been elsewhere.
I presume the advice not to accept liabilty is for the insurance company's benefit. I think you were fair and honest when it happened and that is to be commended.

I would advise that if you are able to afford it to try and get some therapy soon about this. Just talking over what happened and your feelings regarding your actions and what happened will help you to process it all in a healthier way.

Im suggesting privately as NHS therapy comes with an extensive waiting time which wouldn't be great for you atm. However if private isn't an option, please go to your GP and see if they can help.

Im suggesting this as I was in an accident about 4 years ago. I was hit by a lorry and suffered injuries. However I wish I had dealt with the mental health side of things as soon as it had happened. To me it makes no difference if you caused or were the injured party in the accident. The feelings you are having should be dealt with by a professional.

My case was badly handed by the police and the driver left the scene. I was spun over 5 motorway lanes and hit other vechicles also. With serious injury I received 60k of compensation for injuries that still have impact today, so if this can reassure you that any claim your injured party can put in will be much much less than this.

But please take care of yourself and prioritise your own wellbeing. Accidents happen and you have done more than the right thing by taking ownership of your mistakes.

OP Ignore the people arguing about motorbikes etc.

it sounds like you need a bit more time to recover and process. Try not to think about what ifs (probably hard!) but focus on the fact that nobody was seriously injured. It’s done now and not much you can do.

we all have those moments and like someone said - you can leave gap between cars but someone will always fill it!

take a deep breath and try to move on ❤️

OP I was once the injured party in a situation exactly like you describe. I had whiplash and pain for months and car a complete write off. I have no ill will to the other driver, was just glad she was okay. Shit happens. It's not like you were drunk or something it was a momentary error of judgement and you'll likely never to it again. I hope you feel better soon.

See if you can self-refer in your area for NHS talking therapies. They are usually v short but would be the right length to help you process something like this.

Make sure to replace your children's car seats, they could have been damaged by the accident and should not be used again.

I doubt they've actually been injured. It's more likely they are trying to get some compo. Even if they genuinely do have whiplash - it was an accident; you are human; anyone who's ever driven with a child knows that they can be distracting. It's normal that you are upset by this but you it could happen to anyone so don't beat yourself up.

Be kind to yourself.You didn't do anything illegal or irresponsible to cause the crash like being under the influence or on your phone.... we've all been distracted by our kids before....things like this could happen to any of us, you were just unlucky.
Nobody is clearly that badly hurt.
It was a genuine mistake.

Accidents happen and that is why we have insurance, and hopefully you have learned not to be distracted by your child?

If it helps: my DH had an accident years ago and suddenly the other guy was claiming whiplash etc etc. But we live in a small town and the insurance guy saw him walking around, then playing football, so it was kicked out. It happens a lot.

But even if they are injured, there is nothing you can do now except learn from your mistake.

I would suggest that if you’re interviewed by the police that you don’t say that you were distracted.

Least you're feeling guilty and taking responsibility that should help you not repeat this again. Be kind to yourself.

My parents were hit by a 82 year old driver who has absolutely destroyed their lives. My dad will never walk again, he died at the scene and they managed to bring him back. They were on a motorbike and the driver literaly turned straight into their path and there was nothing my parents could do. Even the police said the driver has to take 100% of the blame as there was strong cctv and yet at court he tried to say it was my Dad's fault!!! He didn't want to take full responsibility even though there was 6 cars and a bus in front of my Dad on their side and he didn't even stop he just turned into the traffic.

Some people can't take any blame even when it's staring in front of them. It's a positive that you're holding your hands up to the accident and hopefully that person is just putting it on to claim money, which could be likely.

As long as everyone walked away, cars can be replaced.