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Caused a big smash, so guilty and so worried

88 replies

dollabuckz · 04/03/2026 18:30

I caused a car accident, something happened with my child and I looked back at them and when I looked back at the road traffic had stopped and I couldn’t stop in time. I slammed on my breaks so I wasn’t going that fast when we collided but there was still a big impact and a lot of damage, my car took the majority of it (complete write off) the car infront the owner told me it was written off but from photos I don’t think it would have been. Two others car were involved too but minimal damage and both drove away. Everyone was fine and kept assuring me they weren’t hurt. I got details and text them all the next day and all drivers told me they were ok. I have been absolutely consumed with guilt about it, I’ve been having panic attacks and waking up in the night replaying it all. I’m absolutely cut up. The one saving grace was that no one was hurt, except now they are. I had an email from my insurer that it’s being passed to the injury team as one of them are now claiming injury, I’m not sure what, whether it’s whiplash or something more serious. I feel horrendous that I might have hurt someone. I’ve already re-insured myself on my new car and my premium didn’t go up, I already had no claims anyway because I was a named driver on an ex partners car for years, I don’t know if this will now change and become more expensive because of the injury. At the end of the day I can take it, it was my fault and I will suffer the consequences. I’ll never forgive myself for it, I could have killed my kids or innocent other people. If it costs me more it costs me more. The whole situation is just really overwhelming. I was finally starting to feel better about it and not think about it all day everyday and now this has just massively triggered me again. I know it’s my fault so that sounds selfish. The whole thing is just really impacting my mental health. I never wanted any of this to happen

OP posts:
Besafeeatcake · 04/03/2026 19:35

Idontthinkicandothisanymore · 04/03/2026 19:22

I deal with claims. An injury claim won’t affect you anymore than a normal claim. It’s likely to be whiplash so don’t worry. No one was seriously hurt because if they were you’d have seen that for yourself. One thing I’d say whilst you are at fault for the shunt it’s best not to admit liability just in case there are any circumstances where your insures will want to dispute.

Sorry biy I disagree with this completely a. Whiplash can be very serious. A close family friend was hit by a car and rear ended. She thought she had mild whiplash which turned into a lifelong neck injury and she lived in constant pain. Let’s not minimise it with ‘a bit of whiplash’ since we don’t know.

gostickyourheadinapig · 04/03/2026 19:37

Gingerbreadlattetoppingsontheside · 04/03/2026 19:22

I dont think you shoild include such a graphic detail at all. Completely inappropriate

As a motorcycle rider you know the risks of riding a motorcycle.

Don't make the OP responsible for risks you choose to take

Edited

I don't think you understand what 'graphic' means.

Gingerbreadlattetoppingsontheside · 04/03/2026 19:40

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 19:30

So i have to deal with it beacuse it's my choice, but someone else who makes a poor choice whilst driving is just a poor driver who didn't mean too? Well done!

I know people in this country hate motorcyclists but we are actually people, your poor decisions can alter someones life and if one person might think twice then my post will be worth it

Mumsnet is meant to be supportive i really didn't find the description in your first paragraph at all supportive or appropriate.

Im not sure its helpful on a thread where the OP is understandably already traumatized.

If you want to start a thread about your concerns about drivers vs motorcyclists. Do that.

PersephonePomegranate · 04/03/2026 19:44

the car infront the owner told me it was written off but from photos I don’t think it would have been. Two others car were involved too but minimal damage and both drove away

You can't possibly know this from photos, often the irreparable damage to the car is internal. I know two separate people who have had their car slammed into by the inattentive driver behind (once while stationary at a red light, no less) and both times they were a write off.

You feel bad because you could have killed or seriously injured someone - you and your child included. You're processing the enormity of that and also the 'what ifs'. Driving is such a commonplace thing, we forget the literal wreckage it can cause - it's shocking to be reminded of that. At the end of the day, it was an accident. Give yourself some time to process it all and learn the lesson.

goz · 04/03/2026 19:45

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 19:30

So i have to deal with it beacuse it's my choice, but someone else who makes a poor choice whilst driving is just a poor driver who didn't mean too? Well done!

I know people in this country hate motorcyclists but we are actually people, your poor decisions can alter someones life and if one person might think twice then my post will be worth it

Odd to try and make this conversation all about you. It has nothing to do with motorcyclists or you. No need for the dramatics.

Damnedrose · 04/03/2026 19:46

misread the OP

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 19:48

Gingerbreadlattetoppingsontheside · 04/03/2026 19:40

Mumsnet is meant to be supportive i really didn't find the description in your first paragraph at all supportive or appropriate.

Im not sure its helpful on a thread where the OP is understandably already traumatized.

If you want to start a thread about your concerns about drivers vs motorcyclists. Do that.

Oh behave! It's OPs thread and if she was upset by it I'd apologise, she wasn't and hasn't reported my comment, so how YOU found it is irrelevant.

You're obviously just one of those that have disdain for any road user not in a car, ie more vulnerable, and your post about 'my choices' shows it clearly. Do better!

Moonlightfrog · 04/03/2026 19:58

You can’t change what happened, it’s in the past, yes it was awful but no one was injured. All you can do is learn from it. Try not to think ‘what if?’ Because it’s done now.

It is likely the other car is a write off. The front of a car is designed to fold….which yours did, the back tends to take the impact but it would have damaged the sub frame which isn’t really fixable. It doesn’t take much to write off a car these days as repairs are so costly. It is what it is, your insurance will cover it and deal with everything for you. It will take a while to get over it but you will.

JustFrustrated · 04/03/2026 20:01

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 19:48

Oh behave! It's OPs thread and if she was upset by it I'd apologise, she wasn't and hasn't reported my comment, so how YOU found it is irrelevant.

You're obviously just one of those that have disdain for any road user not in a car, ie more vulnerable, and your post about 'my choices' shows it clearly. Do better!

I am so confused by your combative attitude on a thread where the OP has admitted an error and is clearly very shaken by it.

When someone makes an error, as humans do, and they are remorseful it is the decent thing to do to support them. Perhaps even discuss how they can mitigate against things to prevent this happening again. You don’t throw imaginary scenarios in to make them feel even worse.

As a motorcycle rider myself, I find your comments absurd and needless.

Gingerbreadlattetoppingsontheside · 04/03/2026 20:09

@OhFeyreDarling

Sometimes its valuable for others to stick up for you. Especially when you are feeling vulnerable yourself.

It's a kindness.

elfendom1 · 04/03/2026 20:18

Gingerbreadlattetoppingsontheside · 04/03/2026 19:22

I dont think you shoild include such a graphic detail at all. Completely inappropriate

As a motorcycle rider you know the risks of riding a motorcycle.

Don't make the OP responsible for risks you choose to take

Edited

what graphic detail are you on about? Op cleverly used reverse psychology to get sympathetic replies - as you just said: 'As a motorcycle rider you know the risks of riding a motorcycle.' just as a car driver knows and she didn't pay attention. That is on her. You can't tell by looking at a car if it's a write off, that is minimisation. She seems more concerned about her premium rising.

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 20:20

JustFrustrated · 04/03/2026 20:01

I am so confused by your combative attitude on a thread where the OP has admitted an error and is clearly very shaken by it.

When someone makes an error, as humans do, and they are remorseful it is the decent thing to do to support them. Perhaps even discuss how they can mitigate against things to prevent this happening again. You don’t throw imaginary scenarios in to make them feel even worse.

As a motorcycle rider myself, I find your comments absurd and needless.

But my issue isn't with the OP, and I haven't been combative with her. Did anyone actually read my first comment?

Anyway if I've caused any upset @dollabuckz then I apologise, as I said in my first comment be kind to yourself and try not to dwell

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 20:21

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 20:20

But my issue isn't with the OP, and I haven't been combative with her. Did anyone actually read my first comment?

Anyway if I've caused any upset @dollabuckz then I apologise, as I said in my first comment be kind to yourself and try not to dwell

I read it and didn’t think least bit combative

Pollyanna87 · 04/03/2026 20:31

It sounds like you actually have a good attitude about this. So many people can’t accept when they’ve caused a crash. It was a genuine accident.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 04/03/2026 20:32

I was in a car accident that wasn’t my fault. I was injured but perhaps didn’t seem it at the time.
I put in a personal injury claim but I never really gave the driver who was at fault a second thought because it was an accident and these things happen.
Don’t beat yourself up about it.

dollabuckz · 04/03/2026 20:33

I haven’t cleverly worded anything with reverse psychology I completely admit fault, I admitted it in writing to every single person involved even though I was told not to. I will take any consequence that comes off this because it is my fault. I didn’t realise a car could have barely any visible damage and still be written off, and me making one comment about from pictures I don’t think it is isn’t me shuffling out of blame I don’t get to decide if it is or isn’t and I take responsibility. Why would I only care about my premiums. My children were in the car and I will never forgive myself for that. If I had to pay £1k more next year it’s irrelevant as long as no one was hurt. The whole point of this post was that I’m devastated that’s no longer the case. I feel so much shame it’s hard to talk to people in real life about it. I didn’t want to have hurt anyone. It was the only thing helping me and yes I know that’s selfish but it’s true

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/03/2026 20:37

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 20:21

I read it and didn’t think least bit combative

Fwiw neither did I.

And I couldn't see anything graphic either - I even went back to see of you'd edited it to take something out!

User4590 · 04/03/2026 20:43

I still wince when I replay my car accident(s…)

NewTricks2026 · 04/03/2026 20:45

I mean the fact they had no injuries at the time and then you text admitting full responsibility and now they have started an injury claim sounds a bit fishy to me.

I know whiplash type injuries can sometimes take a while to become apparent but to say at the scene they were fine and now they have already logged a claim for injury with their insurer….? Don’t buy it.

pteromum · 04/03/2026 20:45

Op, I really think you need to take a deep breath and do that thing about reactions. You can only control your reaction, not others.

You have openly said you made a mistake.

you have checked and nobody was injured at the time.

no ambulance was called.

no charges were brought for careless or dangerous or drunk driving.

you have had a NORMAL human reaction for a decent human being.

it was only a week ago.

the cynic in me would say,

if someone really was injured, other than sore, it’s very early days for am injury claim.

Yes, whiplash can appear, and blah blah. But it’ a week.

so, be a little kinder to yourself. Remember that being so honest with strangers can result in some circumstances in them taking advantage of you.

and let the insurance sort it out. You have done your bit.

My elderly dad was hit by a drunk driver two years ago. He never recovered or drove again. The standard question as I called insurance to have his sway shed car removed was is he injured. He spent weeks in hospital. His nerves were shattered along with bones. The insurance fought it out and there was no injury loss. Dad recovered, to an extent, he doesn’t work, the injuries were temporary.

and that was an immediate obvious injury.

so be careful people don’t take advantage of your upset 😢

OhFeyreDarling · 04/03/2026 20:46

dollabuckz · 04/03/2026 20:33

I haven’t cleverly worded anything with reverse psychology I completely admit fault, I admitted it in writing to every single person involved even though I was told not to. I will take any consequence that comes off this because it is my fault. I didn’t realise a car could have barely any visible damage and still be written off, and me making one comment about from pictures I don’t think it is isn’t me shuffling out of blame I don’t get to decide if it is or isn’t and I take responsibility. Why would I only care about my premiums. My children were in the car and I will never forgive myself for that. If I had to pay £1k more next year it’s irrelevant as long as no one was hurt. The whole point of this post was that I’m devastated that’s no longer the case. I feel so much shame it’s hard to talk to people in real life about it. I didn’t want to have hurt anyone. It was the only thing helping me and yes I know that’s selfish but it’s true

They've likely just gone for a routine check over and been advised to state that even if they only have some minor discomfort they should tell the insurance company. If it causes them issues later and they don't they'll have no claim.

I don't think there'd be many claims that don't state any injury however slight, it's to cover themselves.

Don't stress OP, I'm sure they'll be completely fine

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 04/03/2026 20:51

NewTricks2026 · 04/03/2026 20:45

I mean the fact they had no injuries at the time and then you text admitting full responsibility and now they have started an injury claim sounds a bit fishy to me.

I know whiplash type injuries can sometimes take a while to become apparent but to say at the scene they were fine and now they have already logged a claim for injury with their insurer….? Don’t buy it.

I was in a car accident and didn’t think I had any injuries at the time.
48hours later I was in agony and still have issues 8 years later. I put in a personal injury claim and it was completely genuine.

Tartaupommes · 04/03/2026 20:55

I do think we get very complacent when driving, particularly if we have been driving for a long time with no accidents. I see people eating, looking at phones, driving too fast, overtaking on blind bends, driving in the middle of the road etc etc etc. So OP, you are by no means the only driver making mistakes - all we can do is try to be better. Incidents like the one you've had can be very traumatic but also a helpful reminder that cars are powerful and dangerous.

MoltenLasagne · 04/03/2026 20:59

Just to say OP, if you find yourself replaying the accident then it's a good idea to play a simple visual game like Tetris to help your brain deal with the flashbacks. It basically forces your brain to use its visual processing centre on playing the game and can reduce the frequency of flashbacks. It's best shortly after, but can still be effective longer term.

zoemum2006 · 04/03/2026 21:03

Hugs to you, it's a real shock.

Similar thing happened to me in 2007. Felt dreadful about it! But I resolved to use it as a message to always be extra extra careful.

I reasoned with myself that if that hadn't happened (and everyone was ok) that maybe I might have caused a worse accident in the future.

Silly reasoning really but it helped me feel better.