Am I an alcoholic?

[fartasapissed2]

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest , probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

Then you have a problem.

Surely it's not just how much it's why you drink and if it's a dependency. If you are asking the question then you should go to AA, there's no harm in going

Other than the physical damage to your body, sounds like you are using it as an emotional crutch for stress / loneliness? So "self medicating", which is not ideal, if that's what's happening? Maybe switch to an antidepressant instead? I know on MN everyone should just go out for a jaunty walk and try counselling, which is great if you have the resources to do this. However, for many people who don't, it's a much better sticking plaster than drinking in the amounts you describe. Obviously any groups such as the AA or counselling or similar, are great to have alongside, to get to the root of the issue medium / long term.

Also, it doesn't matter what your partner thinks. If YOU feel you've got an issue and need support, that's what matters, however inconvenient that is for him. Motherhood is brilliant, but a massive adjustment, more so for women than men, at the beginning, and especially if the mum is on mat leave. Not to mention all the physical and hormonal shifts to your body. There's no way he could possibly empathise. You have done really well in recognising you have an issue early, and taking steps to address it. Never mind whatever nonsense he's coming out with, it's irrelevant, so do what you need to for yourself and your child x

Yeah, you're a lush.

I’ve lost 3 very dear friends to alcoholism - please get some help. You may have PND which is hideous (I know because I had it), or you may be lonely, but alcohol won’t help with those issues. Maybe start with a sympathetic GP?

Please also bear in mind that there is a strong co-relation of alcohol consumption and cancer - particularly breast cancer.
As a man who's just recently lost his wife after a long and stressful encounter with breast cancer, I can say without fear of contradiction that you'd be well advised to avoid pushing your luck as you are at the moment.

I am the child of an alcoholic mum. At first she was like you and your current habits. Over time she drastically escalated. If you feel your drinking is an issue then its ok to reach out and get help. Might not be AA, could be joining a club or hobby. Talk to your GP or Al Anon? There are sources of online support if DH works long hours and its hard to get out child free.
Lots of books about being sober. Im not her biggest fan but the Millie Mackintosh book is good to read.

please please help yourself and do this for you and your family. Its might not be a massive problem right now but being lonely can exacerbate the need to drink (which was my mums situation)
She never met my youngest daughter and we were estranged up until she died in December. I hate scaring people but the effects of growing up with a parent that drinks too much still affect me now at 40.

Oh god OP - do you want to carry on like this, feeling sick and low most mornings, for maybe another couple of decades?

It's such a waste of money. Three bottles of average wine a week and 50 bottles of gin a year must be £2,500 a year.

Who does the big shop? Are you the person buying all this, or is your partner buying it for you?

The Catherine Gray book on the unspeakable joy of being sober is really good. She writes really well about what it was like being a 'drunk girl' in her 20s.

There is a great online sober community for people who don't think AA is for them.

You have so much to look forward to at your age! Self-medicating your way through your 20s is such a waste!

It's much easier than you think. Just stop.

@fartasapissed2 GO TO AN ONLINE SMART MEETING TODAY. You can also do AA along side it. See what fits. Yes they are both on camera and yes I had a baby who many times was actually breastfeeding during the meetings!!

I went to a very dark place with PPD after my 2nd baby. I had been drinking far too much for years.

Similar to you the nights I drank it was usually a full bottle of wine, along side a 200ml bottle of spirits. That is way too much.

You are 24, you should' be able to stop easily enough. I was 30 the first time I went to an AA meeting. I did feel 'too young' for it. But there is no age limit. SMART seems to attract a younger crowd as well.

My DH was embarrassed for me to go to the local AA. Same as yours he barely drinks I don't think he has since before covid. You need to stick to your guns. No one wants to go to AA for no reason. Something is telling you go. So go.

I would also highly recommend looking into Al-Anon or Adult children of alcoholics. That has actually been the crux of my issues. Being raised by an alcoholic mother.

I listened to the audio book 'This Naked Mind' it honestly made me see alcohol so differently.

Alcohol was all I knew, the only way I could regulate my emotions or process things. Life is not roses now but 1 million times better without it

I’d say a moderate drinker as well…..but I’m sure I’ll also get a pile-on from all he dogooders!

On what planet is 75-100 units a week, in 3 or 4 binge drinking sessions, moderate drinking. Stop it with the dogooding nonsense!

It is fantastic that you have noticed a problem building up.

I think you've had a tough time. 24, a small baby, a fiance who is sounds financially and potentially emotionally abusive (whether deliberate or not, it doesn't particularly matter), redundancy during Mat Leave and left with no adult companionship. I can see why you'd drink to take the edge off... but ultimately if you drinking to that excess that quickly (as in in a month or so you've ramped up) then it's a slippery slope.

You know you have a problem. It has started quick so I think you can probably manage it easily enough yourself or using online resources whilst your baby is asleep.

A previous poster had a good idea to go and stay with someone else for a week. You'll have someone to actually see and speak to, you'll be distracted from sitting at home alone when the baby is asleep. If that's not practical, then make a plan for at home. Do not buy alcohol... make a plan for every evening this week for after your baby is in bed (do you have any hobbies you can do at home?). Plan to attend online AA meetings.

There are other problems in your life but you need to curb the drinking as the first fix. You absolutely are not safe to care for your child or your stepchild right now. I don't care if you think you aren't a messy drunk or if you think your kids are "better turned out" than the neighbours.... drinking that much there is absolutely zero chance you are a safe pair of hands to those children, you are either drunk or significantly impaired the following day.

Your relationship is a total other problem that you can look to deal with down the line, but the safety of those children is paramount.

Your relationship isn't a relationship... you pretty much never see your fiance, he doesn't care that you might have a drink problem, he won't allow you to work, and you have no support network. You are 24... don't sign your life away to this man.

The fact that you’re asking on here means it’s on your mind.
Id say you definitely have a problem but well done for asking advice.
The best thing you can do now is face it.

Good luck.

Come ooooon… you’re an intelligent woman. You know that this isn’t right! Why are you marrying him? He isn’t supporting you in getting help with drinking (defo unhealthy amounts btw, you need to sort that), is stopping you from working, and is asking for a fucking contract before marrying you which, despite not being legally binding here, is just proof that he has no interest in respecting your sacrifices for him should you divorce (likely- sorry).

Saying he pays bills, gives you an allowance yadda yadda is not good enough a reason to stay with him- a good husband would support you in getting better, in going back to work if you want to, and do what works for everyone financially.

Is there not a good chance that you will earn more than the cost of nursery? And besides, the value in you going back to work is not just monetary, it is for your own sanity and happiness.

I wouldn’t say you’re an alcoholic - I would say you have developed a habit. A pattern of behaviour where you sit with a bottle of wine because of various factors! I’ve been there OP!! Shit day at work - glass of wine. It’s so easily done.

Over the next few weeks try to reduce your 3-4 nights of alcohol down to 2-3, reduce down to 1-2 thereafter. The fact you’re conscious about it is good though.

We restrict alcoholic drinks to Friday and Saturday night only. I probably drink about 2 thirds of a bottle of wine on each of these nights, so roughly the ‘alcohol weekly allowance’ of units. Though I’m conscious about this too and often just have a glass of wine over dinner then fizzy pop or tea the rest of the evening.

Wondering what your DP's motives are in not wanting you to seek help? Did he grow up in a household where heavy drinking was the norm? It's good that you are self aware and exploring the idea of help now. As for PND and reality splitting, this is likely enough alcohol to shift your reasoning/perception and raise anxiety and depression levels without any other underlying issues tbf. If you go to the doctor regarding mood you will need to be honest about your alcohol consumption anyway, so start there! Good luck x

I am not a do'gooder' but she needs to be realistic about how much she is actually consuming. Not 'it's ok, it's moderate'

Yes you are.

My neighbour drinks a similar amount, and she now has a serious problem and is no longer able to control her temper, as myself and my other neighbours have found out. She won't get help either, so we all have to just live with it. My partner has tried but she tells him to f off.

Dont become that person.

Hi OP,
My first reaction was to ask you can you do dry March (and start now)? You are concerned about your drinking so you could choose to stop for a while. I wanted to suggest starting with dry March and see how you go.

However reading your update and having seen that your mum is an alcoholic maybe you could do with some support as using alcohol to cope could be a learned behaviour.

I suggest you try to stop drinking - and if you can't then seek help. Sometimes people with an alcoholic loved one choose not to drink at all and that is a choice you can make if you want to.

You must be spending £50 each week on alcohol. In an attempt to motivate you I looked at what you would have if instead of spending £200 each month on alcohol you invested it for your daughter.

I based this on saving £200 for the next 17 years so your daughter could have a nest egg for university or a house deposit.

This would result in:
With poor market performance: £50,200
Medium market performance: £58,000
Good market performance: £63,500

You can check it out for yourself here:
https://www.hsbc.co.uk/wealth/investment-calculator/

So you can make a choice - and might need support for that choice but fight to achieve it.
You can give your child at 18 an alcoholic mother or potentially 50k plus for university and (hopefully) a healthy mum.

Another idea would be investing the £200 you are spending on alcohol in a pension for you - especially as you are not working so I assume not paying into one.

You could alternatively use that money to use a babysitter - perhaps to attend AA, or a walking group/running club/ another hobby group. To have a cleaner? To pay for uiyr child to have a day in nursery each week to give you free time. My gut feeling is that you will think that you can't afford any of those things - to pay someone £30 and go for a jog - but you are spending that money - you are spending it on alcohol. Perhaps decide to spend it on whatever you can think of that makes your life a little bit better rather than, in the long run, worse.

Being a 24 year old with an older partner who is absent for long periods and does not want me to work or use my degree having been made redundant whilst keeping house would have driven me to alcohol. It sounds like a life planned out that is just beyond tedious at such a young age.

Anyone who regularly drinks a lot alone has an issue with alcohol.

My half sibling has alcohol issues, her Father my stepfather had alcohol issues. It’s not the only reason but it led to behaviours that meant it was very easy to never have to speak to her again after our Mother died. She was a very beautiful woman but alcohol absolutely ravaged the way she looked. She also ended up with very disordered eating patterns. She will probably die much younger because of it.

Are you saying you're unable to stop OP?

At the moment, the focus seems to be on how much you're drinking, which is a lot, but then you're also saying you can go without it? If you can stop then I'd say you're a very heavy drinker but that you've yet to cross over into alcoholism.

Not to say it will not become/is not a problem for you, the amount you're drinking is definitely not good, but do you feel that you'd be able to stop drinking?

Well only you would truly now the answer to this, but if you are questioning it then maybe you do have a slight problem with it? Maybe try to limit drinking twice a week instead of 4 times a week?
It's probably not great to be drinking as much as you currently are (coming from an ex 'big' drinker). I now just have a few glasses on the weekend and actually enjoy other things now rather than just situations/activities based around alcohol!

Blimey a bottle of red and half a bottle of gin is definitely straying into problem territory! I drink moderately generally - might have a glass of wine sat and sun and a g+t one night in the week, but it is 1.
my DF was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three weeks ago and I’ve been flying round supporting mum and trying to keep everything working. For three weeks I haven’t had a night without drinking m, and it’s generally a bottle of wine, and I can see it’s rapidly becoming a crutch to lean on. I’m not bloody having that, all I need in addition to Dads illness is a burgeoning drink problem and to feel crap permanently! Plus it makes me fatter and less likely to exercise and eat well. Last night I didn’t drink anything and it’s nice to wake up and feel like me today.
This is something you can, and need, to address. That is far, far too much to drink!!

Find some healthier options, Op.
Try some non alcohoic wines and mocktails and some icey soft drinks, mineral and carbonated waters, iced tea etc.

You are drinking too much.
Experiment with other past times. Take a bath, phone a friend, cook a cake, plant a garden, read a book, watch a movie.

Drinking too much alcohol has been associated with the development of many cancers.

You are young. Make a friend with iced water and other refreshing drinks.

I would firstly try and stop drinking alone 3-4 times a week and maybe limit it to once a week.

If you can't do this the you could have a problem and may need to seek support from AA