Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Am I an alcoholic?

267 replies

fartasapissed2 · 23/02/2026 23:50

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption Blush I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest Grin, probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
dragonfruit8 · 24/02/2026 01:52

That's one heck of a lot of drink. Whether or not you are an alcoholic (more a frequent binge drinker maybe?), you're questioning it, so that tells me something is off and you know it. This is going to be incredibly bad for your health and you may be on the path to becoming an alcoholic. It does sound like there is a lot going on for you in general.

Your child could be in danger if you've had a lot to drink and something happens. You won't be in a fit state to help them.

I feel for you OP and encourage you to get some professional help to work though some of the difficulties in your life, including the alcohol. There's more at play than that though. Please talk to your GP, a therapist, your health visitor or anyone you know who is a safe person who can help you (not your partner, he sounds dismissive). Things can get better.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 24/02/2026 01:52

Goodness there's some po faced responses on here. I thought your username and the avocado/blueberry reference were funny. You're brave to come on here and ask the question, and I hope the silly replies haven't put you off.

I agree with a pp - time to step out of the elevator now while you're still relatively unscathed. Why wait until things are worse and other people start worrying about you, it'll be that much harder to stop.

Even if you are not in fact addicted and could stop tomorrow, it's a lot of toxin to be pouring into your body and brain not to mention the depressive effects on your mind. All harm and no good, really.

MaPetitChoux · 24/02/2026 01:56

You've got some problems that you're trying to numb by drinking, but drink is not the answer. You are bored, lonely and feeling down, as well as in a financially vulnerable position. These are the issues you need to sort out 💐

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 01:56

SpankmyassandcallmeCharlie · 24/02/2026 01:50

So was I. You judge your neighbour’s kids for not being well turned out, or whatever the phrase was you used, and think because you (your partner) has money and your kids are smartly turned out and are resoundingly middle class that they are not neglected. If you drink as much as you say, you’re neglecting your kid.

As a mentioned upthread, it was tongue in cheek. If you think a 60k a year income is doing well I’d love to live where do you. We’re very much toeing the lineBlush

OP posts:
fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 01:57

MaPetitChoux · 24/02/2026 01:56

You've got some problems that you're trying to numb by drinking, but drink is not the answer. You are bored, lonely and feeling down, as well as in a financially vulnerable position. These are the issues you need to sort out 💐

This is great, thank you. I’m definitely feeling a little vulnerable and numbing it.

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 01:59

fartasapissed2 · 23/02/2026 23:53

Edited to add, my child is far from neglected. Firmly WC to MC, I grew up council, my child enjoys ballet, avocados and blueberriesGrin

That's a weird thing to say. What does it matter where you grew up or what you eat. What does that even mean.

Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 02:01

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 00:04

I drink maybe 3-4 times a week. On the days that I drink I will probably have an bottle of wine and maybe half a bottle of gin

You're an alcoholic yes. And you need help.

Carla786 · 24/02/2026 02:04

BubbleFree · 24/02/2026 00:07

I’m not one of the MN “a thimble full is enough” sort of person but I do think 3/4 times a week is skating on thin ice. We normally have between 4 and 6 bottles between us a month, more if on holiday. It sounds like you’re forming a habit and need to pull it back. I’d be really tired of I drank that in a week and it’s not great you’re in charge of a child while consuming that much alcohol imo. It doesn’t matter what class you are.

Exactly, all classes can have alcohol problems, that's a red herring. Just as a middle class person addicted to prescription pills is certainly a drug addict.

Carla786 · 24/02/2026 02:05

GarlicBound · 24/02/2026 00:10

4 bottles of wine is 40 units of alcohol. The recommended max for a woman is 14 units a week. You probably are (or are becoming) a 'problem drinker'. Depending on your genetics and other factors, you could already be storing up liver damage, heart disease or gallbladder issues.

Can you make half a bottle last all evening by layering it? Have a large glass of water or a mug of tea after each glass of wine, so there's a half-hour gap between glasses.

Hint: If you find yourself counting the minutes until you're allowed another glass, you are an alcoholic.

You can stop this in its tracks, though. Nobody actually needs booze. It's a habit, and it 'lies to you' by making you feel like it's a friend. Find better friends. A bag of crisps, a bar of chocolate, a comedy on TV, a few squats or planks, or dancing round the kitchen like a nutter won't kill you. Booze will.

Yes, alcohol is a risk factor for many cancers too.

Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 02:06

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 01:11

Yes, I need him to be available. He regularly works 20 hours a day. I have to plan an hour free in for him to have the baby

He works 20 hours a day and will have a heart attacjk, and you're an alcoholic....your child won't have any parents left if you dont both sort yourselves out.

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 02:06

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 01:56

As a mentioned upthread, it was tongue in cheek. If you think a 60k a year income is doing well I’d love to live where do you. We’re very much toeing the lineBlush

You do**

OP posts:
Carla786 · 24/02/2026 02:10

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 00:34

I did, was made redundant on mat leave. DP is a higher rate tax payer, if he was to earn anymore we’d have to pay back child benefit. Even with the 15 ‘free’ hours, doesn’t make financial sense to us for me to return.

Could you do volunteer work? Would give extra purpose, skills & adult company..

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 02:10

Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 01:59

That's a weird thing to say. What does it matter where you grew up or what you eat. What does that even mean.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's snobbery and one-upmanship. People trying to pretend they're superior. Makes it so much harder for those of us who really are

OP posts:
SpankmyassandcallmeCharlie · 24/02/2026 02:12

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 01:56

As a mentioned upthread, it was tongue in cheek. If you think a 60k a year income is doing well I’d love to live where do you. We’re very much toeing the lineBlush

You asked if people think you’re an alcoholic. I said you have a problem and your kid is neglected while you’re drinking/ drunk. You need to face up to the fact that you’re putting your kid in danger. I don’t think that’s anything to joke about.

And no, I don’t think £60k a year for working “20 hour days” is good money. I wouldn’t give up my career and life for my husband to earn that. You need to think about yourself and your own career.

Carla786 · 24/02/2026 02:13

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 00:38

Pretty much laughed me out of the room when I suggested AA. He’s aware of the amount I drink too.

I'm sorry, but your husband sounds worryingly unhelpful. You are a young woman with little support, a 1yo, an escalating drinking problem. He needs to step up to help seriously.

Carla786 · 24/02/2026 02:17

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 00:46

He’s controlling in that he’s against me returning to work, despite me having a degree and career. He’s very good at providing. He pays the bills and give me and allowance. We’re marrying next year, he’s keen on a “pre nup”🤣

Gives you an allowance? How much financial autonomy so you have? And why is he against you returning to work?

dragonfruit8 · 24/02/2026 02:21

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 00:46

He’s controlling in that he’s against me returning to work, despite me having a degree and career. He’s very good at providing. He pays the bills and give me and allowance. We’re marrying next year, he’s keen on a “pre nup”🤣

So he wants to let your career slide to where it's going to be hard to get back to work. Do you want a career and to work? If so, is he opposing it? He wants to leave you financially vulnerable and weak then then throw a pre nup on top of it to make it even worse? Red flags OP.

mmmarmalade · 24/02/2026 02:23

One bottle of wine will last me all week - an inch and a half in a tumbler is all I'll drink and if I run out in 5 days say, I'll have a small bottle of lager if I've got one... if not, never mind - it doesn't bother me.

My guess is that you're so used to drinking this amount that you're almost immune to the effects.. I find that if I have more than I'm used to I'm asleep in half an hour - it really has an effect on me... because I don't drink much normally.

I think you're drinking too much but I imagine that I'm more of an exception than you.

Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 02:27

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 02:10

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's snobbery and one-upmanship. People trying to pretend they're superior. Makes it so much harder for those of us who really are

Sorry. I fdont get what you said.

andIsaid · 24/02/2026 02:41

That seems an awful lot to me.

At home, alone, drinking that much with a one year old in your care?

Time to panic a bit op.

You are too young to hand yourself over to this.

Tillow4ever · 24/02/2026 02:49

How old is your DP?

You clearly have a problem with alcohol, and your child will suffer for it. If you are still up drinking now, you will still be drunk when your child wakes in a few hours time. That’s not safe.

Your DP sounds very controlling. But I also have to ask - why do you want to marry a man who regularly works 20 hour days? How certain are you that he’s actually working? If he’s working 20 hour days 5 days a week, he’s on less than NMW. You would both be financially better off for him changing jobs to something with better hours and you going back to work. Things are not going to get better - you will end up resenting doing all of the parenting, him never being home, no time for you as a couple. He must literally be walking in the door, falling asleep, then getting up and going back to work a few hours later. When does he eat? How is he functioning on so little sleep? How much travel time does he have, or have you included that in the 20 hours?

If you marry him, you are going to find yourself very, very lonely. Your drinking will get worse.

You mentioned a step child. How old are they, and is your partner home when they stop with you? Is he actually parenting that child or expecting you to do it? If leaving his child with you, how would that child’s mother feel if they knew you were absolutely wasted and in sole charge of their child? Flip it around to your child if needs be - how would you feel if you left your baby with a babysitter and came home to find they’d drunk a bottle of wine and half a bottle of string spirits? You absolutely should not be drinking to that extent if you are in sole charge of any child, but especially not someone else’s.

You need professional help to stop your drinking. Your partner has made it clear he will not support this. You should ask yourself why. Why would any partner be happy to see their DP become an alcoholic? Especially as he doesn’t drink himself and this is new behaviour for you. It’s either that he doesn’t actually know, or believe, just how much you are drinking; OR it makes it easier for him to control you.

It may also be worth counselling to help you with your PND and to get to the bottom of the cause of your drinking. I imagine you’ll find it’s that you are unhappy with the relationship. I know you said he wants a pre-nup (which seems odd unless he’s rich, which he doesn’t sound to be which is making kd wonder if this post is complete bollocks to be honest) and you weren’t worried as they aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on in the UK, but I’d be cautious still as if he has assets he may well be able to ring fence them (eg the house) that you wouldn’t be able to benefit from in a divorce. I’m guessing he’s been married before and it ended badly if he wants a pre nup this time?

Have you run a Clare’s Law request on him to make sure there’s nothing about abuse that comes up?

Tillow4ever · 24/02/2026 02:50

Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 02:27

Sorry. I fdont get what you said.

It sounds like she’s trying to say she’s superior to the rest of us…. Which is either pissed up OP thinking she’s hilarious, or this whole thread is a massive wind up.

fartasapissed2 · 24/02/2026 02:51

Daygloboo · 24/02/2026 02:27

Sorry. I fdont get what you said.

R/Whoosh

OP posts:
FloofBunny · 24/02/2026 02:57

Hi OP, that is some pretty heavy drinking. I would absolutely try to cut back, because the more you have, the more you want. It could get worse.

Also, be aware that there's been a lot of research in recent years that has shown that alcohol is far worse for us than previously thought. It has a stronger connection to more cancers than we knew. It's now considered a Group One carcinogen (the highest) with strong links to at least six cancers. Crucially, it's been shown recently that really small amounts can increase your risk and that there is no safe amount. For your own sake, do take a look at the below:

https://www.aicr.org/news/alcohol-and-cancer-risk-the-latest-research/

https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/alcohol-and-cancer/how-does-alcohol-cause-cancer

And not only that, it's also really bad for your heart:
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/medical/effects-of-alcohol-on-your-heart

Whether you're an alcoholic or not may not be the most relevant question. The question is, Are you damaging your health with your current level of drinking? The answer is 100 percent yes.

Now that we know that even really small amounts of alcohol are bad for your health, I rarely drink. It's been months since I've had any. You're only 24, so you can't have done much damage yet. You have youth on your side. Do yourself an enormous favour that Future You will be so grateful for and just give it up, apart from if you go out for a meal or it's Christmas or something. And only then if you can drink without "making up" for not having it.

The truth is that alcohol is pretty evil stuff, as all the recent research shows.

For me, the less I have it the less I want it. Hopefully it will be that way for you too.

QuayshhLawrain · 24/02/2026 03:17

Hi @fartasapissed2, your experience really resonates with me, as I began drinking heavily after the birth of my second DD. I had 2 under 2, DH worked long hours and like you, I was made redundant while on MAT leave. My drinking got out of control disturbingly quickly. I went from thinking "I can stop any time I want" to "I'm definitely not going to drink today", then crying as I left a shop with a bottle of vodka, despite my good intentions. I wish I'd stopped the first time I thought it might be becoming a problem, it would have saved me and my family an awful lot of heartache.

I would start AA meetings, forget what your DP is saying, you know you need help and the best time to get it is now. I've been sober for 13 years this week, and I'm lucky that my DH stuck with me and that our DD's have no memory of my drinking.