I will never set foot at my hairdresser’s again

[FlakyWasp]

NC for this. In my defense, I have two young children and sleep deprived!

I haven’t been to the hairdresser in a while, so I thought I’d treat myself this week and freshen up a little.

I went in and asked for a “cut and blowjob”.

I can never go back, can I?

A waitress (in a vair posh, vair busy) restaurant told me to have a good day. Thinking she was going to ask if I wanted a receipt, I said "No thanks!", and that still haunts me years later 😆

A family member of mine asked for a poonani instead of a panini once

I discovered I hadn't returned an umbrella to a neighbour that she'd lent me on Coronation Day. I returned it on Saturday but obviously we now have to move house. Just looking at Rightmove.

You have made our afternoon along with all the other comments. I have make-up running down my face, DH is having a good snigger also. Very many thanks.

I'm impressed that as sleep deprived with 2 young children, that blowjob still features in your vocabulary!

I'm crying at some of these, my poor dog is looking at me with a worried look 🤣🤣

Yes………..own it! I’m sure they’ve heard it all before.

I love this !
I'm a hairdresser and you wud be a perfect client that's so funny 🤣

We lived in a village that had two pubs ....one in the square called the blue bell inn and one on the edge of the village called the bridge end. My daft daughter got on the bus in town and asked the driver for a ticket to "the Bell end".....she didn't have to tell me ..but she did and I've never let her forget it !!😁

My friend to an Amazon delivery driver: wanted to say ‘lovely, thank you’ but said ‘I love you’ 😂

My DD nearly died of embarrassment when we were WhatsApping each other .

She mean to say 'Got to go as need to wake L [son in law'] , but autocorrect decided to put something other than 'wake' !

🤣🤣🤣

OMG, that’s funny

If it helps it sometimes happens the other way around too.. I recently got a text from my hairdresser asking if I was still coming to my blowjob appointment!

No, you can never go there again. I’m afraid you will have to leave the country now 🤣🤣🤣

I said that to a bus driver once instead of thank you when I was waiting to get off the bus. Just slightly embarrassed and made a very quick exit thereafter...

"Duck" is a term of endearment where I live, and I texted my friend "Morning, Fuck" by mistake

I can’t work out what you were trying to order 🤣

I’m not very good at the phonetic alphabet. Example, on a work call: Y for Wankee 😂

My first job was with a group of young lads and we would often burn the candle at both ends with late nights out, rocking up to work the next day with terrible hangovers. Our magic cure were McDonald’s McMuffins which they nicknamed ‘Big Boys’ as in ‘get one of these big boys down you, that will sort you out’. Anyway, hungover it was my turn to do the McDonald’s run and in my hungover state tried to order ‘four big boys’ to the blank looking assistant. Oh the shame 😳

Oh I don't know OP you probably can go back as you won't be the first, and this is one of the funniest threads I have read in a while. 😂

Cod

When I was at school there used to be a hairdressers near us called BJ's. So I think you can guess what we called it. A teacher overheard us telling telling a friend we were meeting at K's house on A road. S said it's accross the road from blow jobs.🤣🤣🤣

as a student I worked in a call centre and when using the phonetic alphabet, said ‘Y for Wanky’ instead of ‘Y for Yankie’. I also said ‘I love you, bye’ to a a customer when distracted. Here in solidarity 😂

Introducing a now ex (who recently had a pacemaker fitted) to a group of friends and was meaning to say 'he has a dicky heart ' but came out as 'he has a hearty dick'