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Original poster

URGENT - in-laws

175 replies

WorthyMintQuail · 21/02/2026 19:58

I need someone’s help with this and your views of situation…

My child has been in out of hospital since the age of 9 months and consequently she has missed three out of the five birthdays as she’s been in hospital. This time round, we had a birthday party for her at a play centre.

Rewind slightly… my SIL is a cake maker and usually makes cakes for my kids for birthdays etc. this time round she never reached out to ask about what we wanted etc. We arent ones to ask or assume so went else for the cake. (One of my friends)

Fast forward to party day. It was a scooby doo themed party. I did everything myself and bought everything myself with the help of the husband the day before with party bags. My MIL comes into the party room which is in separate room from the play centre and starts asking me questions about the cake such as “who did the cake”, “why did you go to her for the cake” “what flavours are the cakes”. Questions that were odd to me, I turned round and answered said questions and also said “they don’t seem to of gone too well, as my SIL is ignoring me” to which she responded “are you surprised, we’re not exactly family. You didn’t include us in anything. You quite clearly don’t want us here”. I was dumbfounded. Anyway the disagreement kept going, I was getting upset, and my husband came in at this point, sticking up for me etc. Then my FIL comes in, same situation etc. Back and forth, back and forth. Till he leaves the room, and walks past my mum calling me a drama queen. My mum said that he shouldn’t say that and to which he turned to my mum and said “you better keep out of it, if you know what’s good for you”. Now, my instinct was to tell him to get out and leave so that’s what I did. Since this day I haven’t spoken to them and I don’t wish to ever. But I want to know other people’s views on this matter really?

OP posts:
TwattingDog · 21/02/2026 20:01

In what way is this urgent?

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 21/02/2026 20:02

😧 all that drama from them because you decided to buy a cake for your daughter rather than ask your sil to make it?

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 21/02/2026 20:05

This isn’t urgent. This is a post about a family drama over a 5 year olds birthday cake. 😂
Good lord, just go no or very low contact they seem nuts.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
youalright · 21/02/2026 20:06

It just a complete lack of communication. If sil always makes cakes for your kids you should of spoken to her. In regards to planning the party they could of asked if you needed help but you could of equally made them feel involved by discussing plans with them. Fil was out of order speaking to your mum like that and I'd find that hard to forgive but at the end of the day you are all family, nobody killed anyone I wouldn't be willing to break the relationship especially for my husbands and child's sake over a party.

Original poster
WorthyMintQuail · 21/02/2026 20:06

its urgent because I’m meeting with them tomorrow. Please if you’re not going to post anything nice, don’t post anything at all. There’s really no need.

OP posts:
Clementine12 · 21/02/2026 20:09

Just keep it simple with them. Pleasantries. Only speak when you have to. If they bring up the cake, stick to a script. ‘SIL hadn’t offered and I didn’t want to ask’ ‘you were absolutely welcome’ ‘I’m not sure what else you expected me to do to involve you. Can you explain?’ And repeat.

youalright · 21/02/2026 20:10

WorthyMintQuail · 21/02/2026 20:06

its urgent because I’m meeting with them tomorrow. Please if you’re not going to post anything nice, don’t post anything at all. There’s really no need.

I think tomorrow is a good opportunity to build some bridges. Its really not worth it. You have an unwell child, life is precious and family is important and the last thing she needs is drama and fighting. I grew up in and out of hospital and its scary and you miss out on so much childhood . Luckily I had a solid family to make my life as peaceful and loving as possible.

Crinkle77 · 21/02/2026 20:12

FIL basically threatened OP's mum and people think OP should build bridges?

PlumPlumb · 21/02/2026 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pollqueen · 21/02/2026 20:14

At no point did you explain you are meeting up with in laws tomorrow so don't understand your sarky response. It's a cake, everyone should get a grip

DestinedToBeOutlived · 21/02/2026 20:15

Why are you meeting them?

Your dh can have a relationship with them, you don't have to be involved.

I don't understand the "we aren't ones to ask", yet you asked your friend though. Why didn't you ask SIL?

Itsmetheflamingo · 21/02/2026 20:15

I think not getting the cake from your SIL was a pretty bold move. My MIL makes fairly shit cakes (they would’ve been amazing in the 80s and she’s kept that vibe) and I have always asked her to make the GC cakes because it makes her so proud and feel useful.

but there must be more to it than cakes

JustAnotherWhinger · 21/02/2026 20:15

It sounds like a lot of drama that could have been saved with some communication.

why are you meeting them tomorrow? Is it an event you’ll all be at or a sit down and clear the air type thing?

Pollqueen · 21/02/2026 20:16

youalright · 21/02/2026 20:10

I think tomorrow is a good opportunity to build some bridges. Its really not worth it. You have an unwell child, life is precious and family is important and the last thing she needs is drama and fighting. I grew up in and out of hospital and its scary and you miss out on so much childhood . Luckily I had a solid family to make my life as peaceful and loving as possible.

Show quote history

This as well, this is really good advice

Mulledjuice · 21/02/2026 20:17

youalright · 21/02/2026 20:10

I think tomorrow is a good opportunity to build some bridges. Its really not worth it. You have an unwell child, life is precious and family is important and the last thing she needs is drama and fighting. I grew up in and out of hospital and its scary and you miss out on so much childhood . Luckily I had a solid family to make my life as peaceful and loving as possible.

Show quote history

*quoted wrong poster

Mulledjuice · 21/02/2026 20:19

Clementine12 · 21/02/2026 20:09

Just keep it simple with them. Pleasantries. Only speak when you have to. If they bring up the cake, stick to a script. ‘SIL hadn’t offered and I didn’t want to ask’ ‘you were absolutely welcome’ ‘I’m not sure what else you expected me to do to involve you. Can you explain?’ And repeat.

This is good advice.

What has your husband said?

FuzzyWolf · 21/02/2026 20:21

Just be polite and civil when you meet with them and leave it at that. No need for anything else.

goz · 21/02/2026 20:21

I mean there’s clearly a backstory that you have left out. Why didn’t start your post going on about how you did everything yourself, if your husband didn’t help with the party that’s on you and him, not your in-laws.
I guess it’s weird if your SIL usually makes the cakes for your kids birthdays and you didn’t mention it to her, that probably looked like a slight.

It just seems odd that you think this was all an argument over a cake, surely this many grown adults don’t fall out over something so minor.

Why are you meeting them tomorrow?

roadtowhoknowswhere · 21/02/2026 20:21

Where is your DH in all this.

BlackCat14 · 21/02/2026 20:22

A few questions:

Other than the cake, is there any other reason why they think you’re leaving them out? I only ask that because of her comments like “you clearly don’t want us here/we aren’t exactly family” seem very extreme over a cake, it sounds like there’s more to it?

What dos your husband think about all this?

How long ago was the party? How long have you not spoken to them for? If you haven’t spoken since, how was tomorrow arranged? What is the reason for you meeting tomorrow?

WhatNoRaisins · 21/02/2026 20:23

Clementine12 · 21/02/2026 20:09

Just keep it simple with them. Pleasantries. Only speak when you have to. If they bring up the cake, stick to a script. ‘SIL hadn’t offered and I didn’t want to ask’ ‘you were absolutely welcome’ ‘I’m not sure what else you expected me to do to involve you. Can you explain?’ And repeat.

This, be polite but put them on an information diet. What's your DHs take on this? Does he think your FILs behaviour, particularly the threats, is normal behaviour?

whattodoforthebest2 · 21/02/2026 20:24

FIL's comment to your mum was nasty and unnecessary. I couldn't get past that unless he apologised properly. If he does that, then you might be able to start mending the relationship. It's worth it, for all the reasons mentioned above, but he shouldn't think he can talk to people (women!) in that manner and that everyone should accept it.

Sisandbro81 · 21/02/2026 20:26

Sounds like a scene from a completely dysfunctional family reality tv show

awful, dramatic, childish, unpleasant adults

mindutopia · 21/02/2026 20:28

They sound awful. I would have done the same. Who cares who makes the bloody cake? It sounds like you were trying not to be a burden to SIL. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to have them around my child or myself again, though fine if Dh wants to go meet up with them individually.

Lindy2 · 21/02/2026 20:29

You have more than enough to deal with, with an unwell child.

Your in-laws were rude and your FIL verbally threatening your mother absolutely warranted you telling him to get out. There's absolutely no doubt there.

How you manage tomorrow is your choice although really your husband should be the one dealing with his parents not you.

If you want to move on amicably then be polite. If it comes up in conversation then say you made the cake because SIL hadn't offered and you didn't want to assume she would be able to make it. When your DD is next well enough for a party you will ask your husband to deal with sorting the cake along with SIL.