Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

I don’t see the problem
if you have the money and want to help them out why not
I only have the one child so I give him 100 -200 a month in cash to spend on what he likes
my son and his partner work hard but in fairly low paid jobs
my son got a big inheritance from my late parents
I’ve paid for holidays for him and his partner with me and we had a great time

paid for car repairs and a new boiler
given money If they are going away for the weekend
I can afford it but I always make it clear it’s a one off while I can afford it
Christmas I asked them both what they wanted so I could get them stuff they needed

Absolutely

Normal for a lot of families to avoid being taxed once again on it at death

My in laws were incredibly generous with us over the years ... paying off mortgage, paying for an extension, holidays etc. We never expected it or relied on it but it was very much appreciated, and they said it gave them a lot of joy.
It helped that DH is an only child.

We are generous with our adult DCs ... deposits for first homes, holidays, still pay their mobiles, car insurance etc ... they're both lovely people who work very hard and we like to make their lives easier.

I suspect some of it is BECAUSE they are able to do this for their grandchild but they or their own parents (your DH's grandparents) were never able to help their son at this level when he was young. I don't think it's unusual.

My parents were generous to me too. Dad always maintained "you can't take it with you when you're dead" and they were moderately comfortable. I lived at home paying £20 a week rent until I was 45, the best years of my life were living at home. I had a horse to pay keep for and a car to run so I was never out of work but if my car needed servicing or I had my MOT dad would lend me his car for the day and pay for it. After he retired he earned 'pocket money' doing up flats - renovating them from houses to flats. Mum always 'let me off paying for things' as well.

But I guess when your comfortably off with a mortgage paid years before and more money than you came sensibly spend they were happy to help me out. Also they could see I worked hard and knew horse vet bills pretty much wiped me out and they were keen for me to pursue the lifestyle as it kept me 'off the streets' as in not in the prostitution sense but more like gang warfare sense! Lol

@lemonts I would earn more than him if I was doing his hours but I work around our 5 yo. I do 9.30 - 3.30 (paid) in week and then 1-2 hrs (unpaid) prep of an evening after she is in bed. Also work extra hours outside of school times when available through the company (but not always consistently the opportunity). I am off every holiday to care for our daughter but this is all unpaid.
I still manage with the money he pays in to my account each month to cover some of the rent and bills.

It is a way of passing on money to your kids while you are still alive. If it gives them pleasure then why not. We give ours little bits here and there - to help out with grandchildren's activities or near to Christmas when we know they will appreciate it. You sound jealous - are you?

My ILS gov as £500 each at birthdays and £3 k at Christmas
The often give us a£100 for us to go out for dinner
Like pp thy used to spend a lot on long haul holidays and cruises which they don’t do now
They also give the DC 500 a term even the ones who have finished UNi

We very much appreciate it

My DP didn’t really have any spare cash and I found it all really odd at first but have given up saying no

@Applecup No, but I am embarrassed when he asks for money for electric and food.

Does he ask or do they offer?

I am like you OP, i was taught as growing up to stand on my own two feet. My mother would not even buy me a cup of coffee now, my father would, they have money but would never ever give it. Even one time i was sick in college and had to be brought to the doctors ( live in Ireland so Doc has to be paid for), she made it quiet clear that 50e paid to doc was a loan and she expected it back
It wasn't until i met my now husband's parents seen how generous families can be. If out for dinner etc they would be seriously offended if we didn't allow them to pay. Bring my mother in law shopping she will always buy you something, if food shopping yours would be paid for, diesel, coal oil etc all bought. Have helped us over te years including contributing too our house and wedding. My husband's helps them out a good bit too though gardening diy etc, they do give him money though he tries to refuse but it will be found in his coat pocket or in the van etc. Every xmas money is given. Husband has worked very hard though and we will only ask if we have exhausted all options now if we need help.
I can see however how it doesn't help you learn as an adult, case point is my SIL, She works as self employed but not in the way self employed do ( both husband and BIL also self employed) Picks and chooses her opening hours every week, regularly finishes early or decides to not open constantly chopping and changing, i know her business has had huge handouts from family over the years, stuff that could have been resolved if she had of focussed, put the hours in and worked hard. Begged for her kids to be sent to boarding school, as she couldn't afford it, yet perfectly good school up the road from her where kids would have got the bus every day to, every single thing goes wrong in her house( Inherited aswell so not bought ) ( again through not maintaining looking after it etc ) most recently boiler, again parents step in and pay for, Regularly takes her mother away on days out or trips away, only because she knows her mother pays. That what gets my goat, she mid 50's and never really lived as an adult where brothers have worked hard and have earned their own quite well
It has also shown my own mother in not a good light, i really wish she wasnt so bloody mean,

I think the problem here isn’t the money it is the infantilisation of it all. They aren’t giving money to a family who are working really hard and budgeting and helping out they are his safety net for never growing up

and I don’t think in this case it is a good thing - min has always stepped in and help cover when things were rough but we have always strived to self sufficiency and always tried to work etc

this is a man who has never had to step up and be a grown ip

@Applecup He will call them up for a chat and say he can't afford X this month e.g. a ticket to see a band.

DH receives money regularly from his DF, as do his siblings.
They’re getting the money anyway one way or another, there’s not really much point in saying no.

I know a lot of people who have grandparents pay towards nursery or schooling, help always comes for house moves, renovations etc.

I think it's in the realm of normal.
We gave our ds an allowance through university so he didn't have to take a maintenance loan. We have also gifted him £3 K a year each into an ISA since he was born (he's 24 now). He earns more than me now but I still pay for any holiday he takes with us (we are lucky that we have a close relationship and he will join us for 1 break a year). We are not wealthy but comfortable and the gifting is very much planning for tax purposes. He's incredibly sensible with money, worked all of his uni holidays and has continued to pay into his ISA with an surplus of his own income now he is working.

My children are 29 / 31. We pay for meals, dental trips, pay for petrol when we see them, ‘help’ with their holiday costs etc And made a significant contribution to house deposits. Far better to help them now than them waiting for us to die.

Mm yes that is a bit odd for a 50 year old man. It would be different if they were offering.

“They ate totally in you will get it all when we die brigade.”

I find this mindset so strange. Why wouldn’t you enjoy taking your family out for meals, helping them with house deposits (assuming it’s affordable) etc while you’re alive and get to see them benefitting from your money.
Plus the inheritance tax is higher!

If his parents aren't well off, surely you shouldn't be accepting their money for your daughter's trust fund?

Ugh. I've just read that he actually ASKS them for the money. That would give me the huge ick, and I now have a clearer idea about why you posted this OP, @BestBefore2000 .

I think most of us were assuming that the parents just did this off their own bat, and the problem was with him accepting the money. But actually asking, at 50, is pretty grim.

Yeah, I know someone that does this. Rocks up at her dads, supposedly for a visit, but then has a sob story about the car / child needs something / a bill they can't pay. Knowing dad will drop a dollop of money on the problem. Begging in effect. Which will be swiftly followed by a holiday being booked, or a luxury being purchased.

I think it varies, families do tend to give each other money, that's normal in my experience. However DH and I are better off than his parents and my mum (not my dad but we don't have much to do with him) so it's us giving them money rather than the other way round. His parents still give both of his brothers money when they need it.

Im pretty sure lots of people get financial help from parents, they just don't talk about it. I would say 80-90% of my friends have money from parents. And to be honest it makes me jealous. I wish my mum would help us with things for kids (she can afford it).... I know there will be people who disagree but I don't understand how you can enjoy luxury holidays, purchases, etc knowing that your own child struggling financially.

So you’re effectively giving money to his brothers then!

@Butchyrestingface It has nothing to do with me - no idea even how much it is a month as they set up the account in husband's name. Obviously we won't be able to afford to help her to buy a house or anything like that so it will be for when she is an adult.