Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

I moved out at 18 & my parents helped with bills a few times whilst I got on my feet & bought me a winter duvet/bedding. Nothing since then.

I'm now 44 & for the last few years, me & my mum would go out for lunch once a month & I would pay, as I was better off & I liked to treat her (although she always tried to pay!)

I'm 44 now & my life has turned to crap the last few months. I can't go out for lunch or do anything fun anymore, I'm barely keeping my head above water, I speak to my mum 3/4 times a week on the phone so she knows that things are hard although I don't tell her everything.

My mum put money into my bank so that I could get my kids something for Christmas, & gave me some cash in an envelope, she has then given me a little in Jan & Feb, without me asking for any of it. I'm heartbroken by this, feel so guilty & like I've failed in my entire adult life.

Writing this is making me cry.

But I am in a deep, deep hole & I hope to claw my way out one day soon & I will pay her back. And then some.
I feel so guilty

Why is it in your husband’s name and not your daughter’s?

@Toomuchprivateinfo Sorry - should've been clearer. They pay it to him and he puts in in her fund.

They’d be better off paying it directly to her account.

Not uncommon but sometimes pointless. My ex partner's parents and grandparents were very generous to him and his sisters. GPs gave him around £7K when he was younger, parents about £40K plus other gifts of maybe £1000, £500 now and again, he also inherited nearly £30K from an uncle. He's now 55 and broke, as is his sister. Their older sister saved/invested her share.

We're in our 30s. My parents help out my younger brother and sister a lot financially but not with me (pay for holidays, childcare and health related things like laser eye surgery). I temporarily live at home though and they look after my child a lot so that's obviously worth a lot. But I pay all my own bills plus childcare and contribute to their household bills. It is a bit strange in some ways as if I go on holiday with them we split everything 3 ways but with my brother and his family they pay for everything.

I'm better off than both my siblings even though I'm a single parent, so I can think they tend to just think of me as self sufficient. I don't mind as I know they'd help if I needed it.

Yes I think its normal. Im 50 and my parents regularly give me money or offer to pay for things. They're in their 80s, have a lot of money and say that we might as well have some while they're alive. They would never see any of us struggle. Your DH doesnt earn much so it's really good of them to take the strain off a bit. We'd all do this for our children surely? I dont think its particularly character building to be left to struggle

But you said

which I have no problem with at all and think is incredibly generous.

If his parents are not well off, then you SHOULD have a problem with it imo, whether you can actively intervene in the situation or not.

Not normal at all but a great way to avoid paying inheritance tax.

It's in the range of normal.
Me and dh, not a penny from parents.
Us with our adult dc, happy to help them out in scrape, helped pay for dgc nursery fees. Paid another's rent when they were out of work.

@TheThingsIWillNeverBe please don’t feel guilty. You haven’t failed you are just having a hard time currently. Life is difficult for lots of folks at the moment. Your Mum sounds lovely and doesn’t want to see you struggle. I would be the same with my child whatever age they were. I really hope things improve for you soon and you and your Mum can go out for a nice lunch together.

This.
My parents were too poor to help me, in fact I helped them financially many times.
My DC get plenty of help from us. Nothing they rely on but they're very appreciative. I don't need the money and it gives me great pleasure to help my lovely DC. Whether it's slipping them some money towards a holiday or paying their car insurance or just a lump sum for no reason.
I expect you enjoy treating your little children? As long as they aren't spoiled or entitled it's no different when they are adults.

@Butchyrestingface Depends how you define well off. They are both retired, decent pensions coming in, no mortgage. They did the same for my SILs two (now adult) children. They both still have most of it as no rent or mortgage to pay (still living at home mid 20s) so will use when they do buy.
I don't agree with them giving my husband money for the basics when he is working ft, but they still do.

Not everyday expenses at all like your dh. But occasional things like spending money for the dc for their holiday. Or paying towards a school trip. I would not ask them to help unless stuck. A few years ago I did ask for help as I needed a new car. They helped towards it but I paid half. They will pay for meals out etc but I also like to do this for them too. But they are financially more comfortable,

In our 60's retired and ok financially. We helped with house deposit, regularly fill DD's car when we see her, pay for groceries if we're with them, buy clothes for all of them. Have paid for holidays, school fees, Uni fees etc and help with childcare when we can. We like being in a position to help. We've worked hard and are pleased we can help and see our DD and her family benefit whilst times are tough for young families now. Our DD is very appreciative and there is no expectation on either side - e.g. she has never asked for anything and we would never expect her to care for us as we age.

@Poptartz It would be fine if he was genuinely struggling but he's not. I'm literally putting a couple of quid away a week so I can save to get myself a haircut!! But I do appreciate that this is a luxury and no pay this week of course.

My parents don’t routinely give me money. They helped me in as much as I lived at home until I bought my house, but I paid board. I also had a bit of money towards my car, but again, I was young and not earning much.

Since then and certainly since moving out I’ve been self sufficient and it wouldn’t cross my mind to ask them for money or expect anything from them.

I’d find it a massive turn off if I had a DP who was constantly taking money from mummy and daddy, especially if they weren’t particularly wealthy. I think that’s very different to, say, a one off treat like a holiday together, or a gift towards a new bathroom if you were struggling to save for it (assuming they had the spare cash). Having a credit card that they pay? Nah 🤢 not for me.

We treat our DDs to meals out/ theatre etc regularly but we don’t give them money or pay for their bills. My parents occasionally gave me some money if they had an isa mature maybe 4/5 times in my adult life. They contributed to my wedding (as I will with my DDs)

I don't agree with how they're funding your husband for things he should be able to budget himself like car expenses.

However, I know if me and my Dad go out to eat, he will insist on paying and get quite annoyed if I try to. He has done things like provide our bathroom reno materials at cheap wholesaler prices and do labour. I paid him for the cost of materials so he wasn't out of pocket but he didn't expect it.

Does your husband do anything for his parents? Meal out? Gift?

My parents sneakily contribute to major life expenses. I never ask and I never have, but when I’ve had a roof replaced, dental work or bought a new car I’ve logged into my online banking shortly after and found a payment from them. It’s always been a nice surprise. I hope to be able to do the same for my children one day too

@Sunsetseascape I am aware I am perhaps being selfish here but they money they give is most often for his use alone - new car, electricity for his car, beer money etc. The things you have mentioned are more to benefit the family. But yes, perhaps that is selfish.

@TheBlueRobin Put it this way - he went to visit them this week and I was the one buying a bunch of flowers for my MIL .

@BestBefore2000 I think as he earns more money and married and sharing a child he should maybe be budgeting to help you out with the extras. I presume you working term time only means you are providing school holiday childcare. Otherwise that would be another expense.

If parents can afford to spend on their kids, why not? All ends up with tax man anyways, might as well enjoy it with your family whilst they are still around to enjoy it with you.
I appreciate the teachings that adult children need to be self sufficient and responsible.
Me and my husband are self sufficient and don’t need hand outs, fortunately. However his parents likes to spend on our family and to see us enjoy experiences whilst they are still alive. They are in a fortunate position that, what they spend on us has no impact on their own lifestyle and they happy to share their wealth.

Sadly my parents are both dead and my dad was notoriously tight fisted. He did give me £5000 for my wedding though ( probably sheer relief on his part that I was finally getting hitched). DH is in his early 60s and whenever he visits his DPs ( in their late 80s and 90s) they always have an envelope with £100 in £10 notes, which they insist he takes “ ah go on son, we can’t take it with us”.