Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

My parents were very generous to me and I’m very generous to my son. He works hard but if he needs any help he can have it. It gives me the greatest pleasure to help him and his young family x

You can do both.
I have.
Mine are financially independant as in they could manage mighty fine without me now.
They just dont have to.

@Slightyamusedandsilly I know it's come out of place of love, but it's been misplaced. It hasn't helped him in life; in fact; it's done the opposite.
Relying on your parents is never a good idea and I would never expect my own children to do so (even if I had the funds!)

@Doteycat That's why I said "necessities." They should be able to afford them?

This precisely. Our parents helping means we can consider other things financially. It doesn't make us spend thrift or unambitious. Having parental help and being financially independent can coexist.

It's interesting how different families do things differently, and not necessarily income related.

I've always been brought up to be self sufficient and not expect much, but my parents stepped up for a handful of big ticket items like house deposit (1% of FTB £1,500, not 10s of £kk).

My husband is the same as me, but his sister and brother are more inclined to ask for help.

But none of this is anything like the ongoing support your husband gets. Maybe they are frugal but minted or can't spend it and enjoy their son spending it? 😆

Exactly.

DH and I can manage just fine without any parental help, we can cover our bills, save some for emergencies, go out for meals, pay for holidays etc without any issues.

But parental help just means the essentials are covered more easily, so we have more leftover for things like days out, nicer food, activities we'd normally have to save up for etc.

Why would you want your children to be limited to necessities if you have enough means to help them?
If I can, and given DH’s assets we likely will, help my children in adulthood then I fully plan to.
You have a really holier than thou attitude, you’re not a better person because your parents or your DH don’t help you financially.

That's so depressing and I'm sorry your parents don't want to help make your lives easier where they can.

Maybe they’re not bothered now with accumulating stuff, going on holidays and ‘frivolous’ things like that, but one or both may need paid for care. That’s one reason why what he’s doing is so awful. He could easily save that money on their behalf.

Why would you want your children to be limited to necessities if you have enough means to help them?

This is what I don't understand. I can't imagine sitting on loads of money as a parent and not using some of it to make the lives of the people I chose to bring into the world a bit easier. It just seems so cold and uncaring to me.

Of course it's different if your parents genuinely can't afford to help you.

I agree, but the (elderly) parents we’re talking about aren’t in that position. Put your own oxygen mask on first before you help others, including family.

I was speaking more generally.

I cannot imagine sitting on a pile of money knowing I could make my childrens' lives easier and happier, and choosing not to.

This.

@DonnyDozzy my adult dc, particularly the older 2 (in their early 30s, married with dc) are always treating me. They pay for any meals out, excursions - though I may pay for dessert or snacks. I am still working a zero hours contract, one dc in last year of school, and I have always said no to big ticket items but I can imagine when I retire they will all help me (I'm 61 this year).

As I mentioned earlier my exdh's parents used to give him a monthly sum, send us food, bought a new car etc. Whenever we visited they would always serve the best food, money no object but a few times I stayed with them with just my young dc and all they ate was the cheapest food eg green bean stew with basically no meat. They were obviously giving all their money to their 2dc and basically subsisting.

There’s nothing for you to be sorry for! It’s not their job to financially support their grown up children. They do that themselves as they should. Where’s the personal accountability for children to work and plan their financial future if they are being given handouts from
their parents? Of course helping out in times of crisis through no fault of their own is different.

As I said above, I can't imagine not making my children's lives easier if I had the ability to do so. I find it really sad that so many parents out there don't feel the same way.

It may not be their "job" but to me it's basic human kindness to help support the people you chose to bring into the world.

I’m not being sexist. Im being realistic. Men don’t always step up to their commitments (as you full well know) — it’s a tale as old as time. But you had reproductive agency, and the third child is one you really couldn’t afford. It’s limited your earning capacity, and your life chances, making you dependent upon the largesse of this financially, abusive twit. He doesn’t see and value your contribution in raising the child you have together. He doesn’t view you as a family unit who need to pool their financial resources together. He hasn’t changed in the years that you’ve been together, and he’s not going to change now (bar some miracle happening).

Can they not give you a loan now so that you have some money to cover the shortfall in your income during the next half-term and the upcoming summer break? It would alleviate the financial pressure while you come up with a longer term plan.

@GertiePye Not true. We could comfortably afford a third child if my husband was willing to contribute as he should. We receive no benefits (except CB) as we should be in a financial position to be self-sufficient (both in work). My older two are very well-off financially.

@GertiePye I'd be expected to pay it back on my own.

No.You just have to have bought a house to live in, in London in 60s or 70s. I saved from leaving school till 30 to get my deposit. Wrested a mortgage (as a single woman, wasn't easy then) from a B.Soc. Spent years scrimping & DIYing to turn a wreck into a home. Passage of time meant it became "worth" a silly amount of money.

Can your parents help in terms of providing childcare so that you can work during the term time breaks? Children’s residential homes are always short staffed — you can work on a bank/on-call basis?

I'm imagining the OP's parents are on the older side if her eldest is at university. Probably occasional babysitting would be possible but not full time of a 5 year old.