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Original poster

Parents giving you money

725 replies

BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 10:35

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

OP posts:
Bluedenimdoglover · 20/02/2026 20:56

My family were always generous as we have been the same with my son (from earlier marriage) and his family and to my husband's two sisters. I'd rather give financial help/gifts now and see family getting it. It's what some families do.

soulofthoughts · 20/02/2026 21:02

The superiority of "self sufficiency" is an interesting human dynamic/discussion when unless we all are growing our own food and running wind turbines in our garden etc, we're always going to be relying on someone else in some way. and yes, I get people mean money but seems like we want to shame humans who don't have enough money or whom receive any form of help. This post is just in general another example of ablism and as well shaming people older for not having enough of it (money) or from having help from supportive family members able to help. Heaven forbid if family help as you get older yet I'm sure people don't turn down any inherited assets. Okay to have help over a wedding or house when finding someone to marry and share costs with over buying a house is a luxury/luck in itself not everyone has and not everyone can get a higher paying job. Some people are close to their families and/or have a disability. I'm sure many of the people against family help have partners to help or claim child support benefits anyway.

Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:10

@soulofthoughts We paid for our wedding ourselves so no - no help there. Why should there have been? Less than 3k and 15 guests and it was lovely. The only thing that makes me sad is that I couldn't afford a wedding photographer so there is only one decent photo of the entire day which my FIL took (but that's as it is). And no - no help with buying a house either. We've been in rented now for over a decade with zero chance of owning.
But you burn your arse you have to lie on the blister so to speak so I am accepting of these things.

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Families
Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:12

@PaperTyger I've kept them separate as he is not good at all with managing money (he's never had to).

OP posts:
Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:15

Meant to add, there won't be much inheritance tax if any as property/assets not worth much and will be split between siblings and adult grandchildren. Their home is currently worth around £280k roughly.

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Veryxonfused · 20/02/2026 21:19

Nope never got any help with anything- first car, uni, driving lessons, wedding, first house, general day to day. If we go on days out, holidays costs are split evenly. Apart from with my MIL - in this case we pay. Am I bitter about it? A little bit after reading this thread 😂 but it’s not my parents or MILs fault they’re not well off

theresnolimits · 20/02/2026 21:30

I am not sure this is about DH’s parents is it OP? You seem disappointed in your DH’s lack of ambition, your own frustrated academic ambitions and how you depend on him for financial support.

Lots of people have said it isn’t uncommon to give financial gifts amongst families. Most people don’t feel it destroys their character - they just give or receive gratefully.

I’d put the gifts thing to one side and try to work out what your real issues are.

Veryxonfused · 20/02/2026 21:33

I find your set up really odd tbh. You shouldn’t be bitter about him getting help, if you were really a team you’d be happy about it as really you should be feeling the benefits of it too. I don’t really agree with separate finances where one person is having to reduce income to work around the children.

soulofthoughts · 20/02/2026 21:46

BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:10

@soulofthoughts We paid for our wedding ourselves so no - no help there. Why should there have been? Less than 3k and 15 guests and it was lovely. The only thing that makes me sad is that I couldn't afford a wedding photographer so there is only one decent photo of the entire day which my FIL took (but that's as it is). And no - no help with buying a house either. We've been in rented now for over a decade with zero chance of owning.
But you burn your arse you have to lie on the blister so to speak so I am accepting of these things.

My post was in reference to the idea things like weddings and houses were okay (socially acceptable) to have help for over those who get it like inheritance is seen as normal too but general help month by month isn't. The attitude on the thread is if you're already well off, it's okay to get the help but if you're not, you don't deverve it over family help. Just another war against the less well off post, really or those with disabilities that make it harder to make more money.

Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:53

@soulofthoughts I think the majority of MN posters are pretty wealthy tbh. Well, at least that's how they present themselves.

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Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:55

@Veryxonfused I don't benefit from his beer money, new car or electricity for it tbh. I won't merge finances with him as he is not good at managing money.

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PaperTyger · 20/02/2026 22:01

@BestBefore2000 in that case get an additional bank account set up.

Joint money goes in for your DD together and have separate pots for various things like joint holiday and so on
Every month he has to contribute and put money on. That will help teach him

Veryxonfused · 20/02/2026 22:02

BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 21:55

@Veryxonfused I don't benefit from his beer money, new car or electricity for it tbh. I won't merge finances with him as he is not good at managing money.

I understand that. My husband is awful with money, he just hands it all over to me to spend on bills, our child and savings and we each have an equal personal allowance each month for fun money - so I still benefit from his money (he earns more than me). He is still better off than he would be if he didn’t give me his money!!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/02/2026 22:02

As a parent I completely get this. They enjoy giving the money now. It's normal, better than leaving it to the dogs home.

Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 22:05

@Veryxonfused Wish my husband did that! He pays in just over 1k pm into my account and then everything pretty much I have to sort from there. Same amount even when I'm off and unpaid in school holidays. The 6 weeks is horrific!!

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 20/02/2026 22:06

Surely there’s a difference between a grown man asking (and expecting) money being given to him, and the parents gifting money.

In the former, the man hasn’t really cut the purse strings (financial troubles aside).

In the latter, the parents are giving their offspring a present, of their choice.

DonnyDozzy · 20/02/2026 22:30

Silverbirchleaf · 20/02/2026 22:06

Surely there’s a difference between a grown man asking (and expecting) money being given to him, and the parents gifting money.

In the former, the man hasn’t really cut the purse strings (financial troubles aside).

In the latter, the parents are giving their offspring a present, of their choice.

Either way, still feels a bit like a man who hasn’t embraced adulthoo.

LadyCrustybread · 20/02/2026 22:34

My in-laws are incredibly generous with us and it’s allowed us to live a life I could only ever have dreamed of - in terms of assets and cash.

It also means that now DH is facing a disabling health challenge we are thankfully not panicking about losing said life when/if he loses his job.

Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:04

@LadyCrustybread So sorry to hear this but also how reassuring for you re your in-laws. In my job I don't receive any sick pay so God forbid I was to get ill as there is absolutely no way on earth husband would cover everything if I was not in work.

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Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:15

I also have HUGE anxiety about how I pay the bills over the 6 weeks' holiday as what husband puts in is not enough to even cover the rent. I have spoken to him about it and said please can he help me out with more money over the periods I'm not earning (school holidays) but he says it's my responsibility to save in the months I am working to be able to cover all of the school holidays.
Is he being reasonable here?

OP posts:
Existentialistic · 20/02/2026 23:23

BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:15

I also have HUGE anxiety about how I pay the bills over the 6 weeks' holiday as what husband puts in is not enough to even cover the rent. I have spoken to him about it and said please can he help me out with more money over the periods I'm not earning (school holidays) but he says it's my responsibility to save in the months I am working to be able to cover all of the school holidays.
Is he being reasonable here?

Edited

No he is not being reasonable OP and a good husband would help you out. Are you happy in the relationship?

Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:26

@Existentialistic Apart from the financials which I have mentioned here, yes definitely. He has said that he simply does not have enough money to be able to help me out more over the school holidays, but by the same token expects me to be able to cover it? And I am not in a position to ask anyone in the same way that he does so easily.
Any advice most gratefully received 🙏

OP posts:
goz · 20/02/2026 23:30

BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:15

I also have HUGE anxiety about how I pay the bills over the 6 weeks' holiday as what husband puts in is not enough to even cover the rent. I have spoken to him about it and said please can he help me out with more money over the periods I'm not earning (school holidays) but he says it's my responsibility to save in the months I am working to be able to cover all of the school holidays.
Is he being reasonable here?

Edited

Have you always worked term time? How were the bills paid before?

I honestly can’t even work out why you’re married, this sounds like such a mess. You have a 4th child.

Existentialistic · 20/02/2026 23:43

BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:26

@Existentialistic Apart from the financials which I have mentioned here, yes definitely. He has said that he simply does not have enough money to be able to help me out more over the school holidays, but by the same token expects me to be able to cover it? And I am not in a position to ask anyone in the same way that he does so easily.
Any advice most gratefully received 🙏

Edited

You’ve asked for advice. Ok then. You share a DD with your DH? Play him at his own game then. Tell him to ask his parents to subsidise the holiday childcare, it’s their GD after all. I’m afraid I struggle to understand how you can be happy with someone who blatantly disregards your financial needs, as the mother of his child. I wish you well.

Original poster
BestBefore2000 · 20/02/2026 23:43

@goz We definitely don't have four children!!! I have two much older from my first marriage (one at uni, one A-Levels - shared "care") and the shared 5 yo.
My previous job paid throughout the holidays but that became completely untenable with a little one hence the change to flexible working.

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