Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

TBH We give money to both our adult children. They’ve all we got and it will all go to them anyway, They’re great kids and we like them to have the money now. DS away for the weekend with his girlfriend so we’ve given them £50 for a few drinks.
We pay for his car insurance and have not taken away an allowance we used to give him when at uni.
DD also gets money for different things along the way. We try and treat them both the same.
I lost both my parents when very young so had to grow up very quickly and never had anything given to me.

I'm a single parent to two young kids working full time but still only just manage to stay out the overdraft each month. My mum will fill my car up with petrol every now and again when she's here, will often get the bill if we eat out although I offer to pay half, and she gave me £500 last year as she knew money was tight. I got my hair cut (£50), paid for Christmas (£200), booked a camping trip this summer for me and the kids (£150) and got the radiators bled/the boiler serviced (£95). So it's very generous and I'm very grateful for the extra help, I don't expect it she might not always be in the position to do it.

I’m 38 and my mum subsidises our lifestyle. Single parent, 2 kids, their dad doesn’t pay maintenance. My mum pays for soft play membership, sometimes a holiday and some other things day to day, like she bought my ds7 a new winter coat after Christmas when the zip broke on his old one just before payday. I’m very grateful, although she sees it as inheritance/family money because my dad died 5 years ago.

Oh, now I've thought about it she bought the kids new school shoes in September too. Line the above poster, I don't get CMS or child benefit so I think she's usually got that in the back of her mind when she pays for things.

I think asking if it’s normal or not normal isn’t really helpful.
some people give money to their adult children, some don’t.
my dad has given me some money over the years. He told me the other day when I mentioned how expensive childcare was (I wasn’t dropping a hint!) that I shouldn’t go short for anything and he would always help if we needed something urgently. It’s nice - it’s his way of showing care.

It sounds like the larger problem is that you don't like or respect your husband's work ethic, @BestBefore2000. It's a bit hard for me to understand why the extra doesn't go into a shared family pot, but I've never really understood marriages with a rigid separation of finances. If I was your DH's parent, I'd be most concerned with trying to help you guys buy a house.

Our kids are considerably younger than your DH, but yes, we help them. They've been through private school and we're in the fortunate position of them having been able to finish university and post-grad with no debt. They're all hard workers, either started on or starting good careers, but times are hard for young people, so we're happy to help with whatever they need. We've helped the oldest with a house purchase and will do the same for the other two. We do pay for family holidays and put some money in their accounts every couple of months and have arranged it so any inheritance from our parents bypasses us and goes directly to them.

I do understand that many people can't afford to give to their children, but if you can, don't really understand the point of not. Why work hard and save if not to make your children's lives easier?

No my mother is tight. We both work here but cost of living pricey we one at college. She buys for nobody at xmas either. Guess everyone different)

When they were alive my parents helped me loads, paid for all my DD foreign school trips, helped out with garage bills etc. Always paid for meals out.

My ILs gave thousands to my SIL and her husband every month for years. They had 5 children and because she did not work they provided her with an allowance.

Towards the end of their life they gave DH and BIL a lump sum to try and even things up. It was not asked for, but as they said- rather give it to them now than to the taxman when they died. MIl died and FIl ended up coming to live with us for the final couple of years of his life rather than a care home and i took care of him- going part time in order to do so. That money meant we could pay off our mortgage and is something for which i remain grateful for with every fibre of my being.

OP I am 100 per cent with you and find this thread so odd. All these people apparently being financed by their parents into their fifties! Even if i could afford to, I wouldn't do this as it isn't good for the recipients!

I think this is fairly normal. My parents are both fairly low earners whereas we're bang average but they help us out where they can, even though I ask them not to! It's a point of pride for them, I think, being able to do so. For example, my dad paid for some windows on our house when we were getting them done as he'd just had a bit of a windfall, my mum insists on chucking us some cash if we're going away for a night, bought us a new washing machine when ours died. I have stopped refusing so vehemently unless it's genuinely far too much because it upsets them both - they like being able to help us out, even if it's not in the way of house deposits or huge cash injections.

What? So he's constantly getting his parents to fund everything from the basics to his beer money, while you have to scrimp and save to get your hair done? And he lets you go without money during the school holidays when you're not paid?

That's a hell of an update, and my opinion of him has gone through the floor

My parents pay for things- meals when we go out together, tickets for things we do together. They don’t give me monthly money or regular payments. I don’t expect them to. They did give me some help when I bought my house.

THIS !

I would only ask my parents /take their offer if I absolutely had to ,
not for day to day stuff !
They too would prefer us (me and 2 siblings) have it now rather than when they are gone .
I am the sole earner and earn about the same as your husband !

Coming from large fairly poorly off parents and without a sniff of an inheritance my DH and myself have done very well, now retired. Self reliant all the way. Why would I inflict this on my own two grown up children? We have always helped them financially and they have appreciated it. They have always done the best they can… school, university, work. Not that they haven’t shown self reliance at all. Our son rented out rooms in his home to pay his first mortgage, our daughter is about to do the same. She is late to home ownership but wants her mortgage paid off asap. She has a five year plan, part of which has included a large chunk from us to match the large chunk she has saved for her 25% deposit. Our son will get the same even though he earns six figures now.
I absolutely love being in a position to buy/give my children whatever I want. I can’t see why they have to wait for an inheritance.
lots of our contemporaries are the same, if in a position to do this.

@saraclara Yes, it's a big struggle for me in the school holidays (especially the 6 weeks) as I don't get paid but he doesn't pay in any extra. He says (oh the irony) I should be able to save for the holidays over the term-time weeks I am getting paid. Bear in mind I also have the kid/kids to keep amused!

I live in a working class family of average wealth. My parents gave me money until they passed away and I now give my adult DC’s in their 30’s money and will continue to do so as long as I can afford it.
Why? Because it gives me more pleasure to buy things for them than for myself, I’m fed up of stuff. So you could say it’s for my benefit rather than theirs.

@Jenkibuble How do you make ends meet on that? Do you have a mortgage and kids? Any benefits? We find it challenging on two relatively low incomes.

I think the problem is - not so much that his parents give him money - but that he is tight. Never very attractive. He should be a bit more thoughtful about making your life easier. You are making sacrifices to make his life easier.

@Username19893847477374 That sounds difficult. May I ask why you don't receive CB?

This feels a bit like ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’. I’ve read so many threads on here about people resenting ‘boomers’ their holidays, meals out, new cars etc when the children are struggling with child care and COL increases. But many posters now seem to feel it’s odd if these parents help out.

We are lucky enough to be very comfortable. Our children will have a large tax bill when we die (I appreciate this might not be true of OP). We would much rather help our DC out now and see life being a little easier for them. It gives us pleasure to pay for accommodation when we go away, to buy them dinner - and yes, to pay for the petrol if we’re in the car at the time.

Should we sit on our mountain of cash whilst they struggle? They mean more to us than anything. Is there some peculiar ‘virtue’ is doing without? Equally if I win the lottery, should I give it back because I should ‘make my own way’? Let it be. No one is doing any harm.

@theresnolimits But I think they are.doing harm. He knows he can just ask whenever he needs something and they will give it him; I don't think a 50 yo man should be living like that.

@AfternoonTeaAddict The way I see it if you have 5 kids but yet chose not to work then it really shouldn't be up to parents to support you?

Yet you think you have got the better work ethic? I find your whole set up money wise a bit odd tbh, your married, everything should be shared. Anyway as a PP pointed out, you are no doubt claiming child benefit so happy to take that sort of handout but look down on your husband for having supportive parents. Seems very strange to me.

I think you have an OH problem.

It seems he’s quite happy to accept money from his parents but watch you struggle.

I would like to think that when my DD is older and if I’m able to I will help her out but if she had a child I would be helping the whole family out (which would include her OH).