Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

I do for my adult children but it's quite ad hoc, so if they are getting a train somewhere I will give them the fare. Or if they have a big bill I will give them a contribution. But they aren't 50 🙂. My parents, in contrast talk a lot about giving me money but never do, a while ago they actually said oh we don't know why we haven't ever given you any money. They have a lot more money than me too.

Not sure what normal is anymore but seems like a nice thing to do

My dm helped me when I was younger, with money when I was at uni and also with money toward a house deposit. I think that's relatively normal (though I'm very grateful for it) and I hope to do the same for my dc.

But I'm 45 and my dm is retired, I think it would be beyond weird to talk money from her now! These days it's us who talk her out for meals or treat her to a holiday. Surely the person earning the most helps out the one earning less?

My cousin is given money but with very strict instructions to save it/put in pension/emergency fund/mortgage. The parents check this.

never spend it on anything else.

I wouldn’t be doing that. Save the money for your hair.

If my offspring work hard, and I was fortunate enough to have the means, yes of course I would help them out. Make life easier/ nicer/ more stress free for them- why wouldn't I?

This is especially true while my children had younger children of their own.

My husbands parents are similar, decent jobs and mortgage paid off so they do offer to pay for a lot of bigger things for us and when we go out to eat they usually pay. Nothing regular though.

We would definitely give financial help if needed or asked. We also pay a reasonable sum every month into our grandson’s investment account.
We have also thought about giving lump sums to pay down their mortgage, but to be honest, we need the safety net!

They helped with university fees and some for living during this time.

Since then my dad lent us some money for a house deposit (which was paid back within two years) and my mum had died and left me a £20k inheritance which was the other part of the deposit.

Day to day mundane expenses? No. What they have done has been life changing though and I will try to do similar for mine.

A very good question bugsalugs however the liability is with the person who made the gift rather than the person receiving it and luckily my parents' estate can afford it.

The school fees have been paid from excess income (with all the requisite documentation trail) so they should remain exempt.

I’ve always felt guilty taking money from my parents and insisted on paying myself as soon as I could / was a proper adult (so maybe only the last decade or dozen years). I was in higher education till I was 25-26 anyway so they supported me plenty.

But now that I’ve paid for a lot (flat, wedding, holidays etc) I have come realise that my parents would quite like to “reduce assets” before they pass, and one way of doing that without inheritance tax is just paying for stuff for your kids. I am less stubborn about letting them pay for stuff now that I know their mortgage is paid off… and they’re just spending their money in a way they see fit. They live abroad so I would never call them to pay for some little thing here or there, but if they’re visiting and want to pay for dinner, or buy a gift for the new baby, I don’t fight that any more. Or if I’m visiting and mum wants to pay for a new pair of winter boots etc, I will let it happen.

My dad would never willing 'give' anything, like yours it would always be with terms of paying back. My mum would always try to help if it was needed but as the majority of the family money was dad's she sadly went without a lot and didn't have the finances herself to actually assist in any real way. DH mum (his dad had died by the time I met him) always gave out quite large sums of money to him. Unfortunately she also did a will that left large set sums to friends and had done equity release on her house, plus a massive care bill meant virtually no inheritance anyway.
All of my family (probably because of how dad was) will help their children with anything that isn't covered by their wages however much we are able.

I actually know quite a lot of families where parents or in-laws help out financially. Their reasoning is they’d rather do it now while they’re still alive than pay inheritance tax on it when they die. So grandparents often buy first cars etc for the grandkids, pay for extensions to the house, pay school fees, pay for family holidays and take the extended family with them etc..personally, if they can afford to, and no one is forcing them to, and it makes them happy to…then why not? I’d rather they spend it as they see fit than pay it to the govt in inheritance tax..

circumstances are relevant. My mum helps me as I’m currently going through a bad time. Bits of money £50 or so here and there, meals out, if I borrow money she doesn’t want it back, if we go shopping together she’ll pay. Before my dear dear dad passed he would always give me £100 here and there each week. If I wanted something bigger I’d ask him for it. Neither of my parents are well off.

my grandmother pays my aunts mortgage after her divorce. My grandmother is on the bones of her arse and my aunt works but still accepts the mortgage as a top up to her wage each month (annoying)

if my parents were very well off I’d expect them
to pay for a lot more and they would be very forthcoming in doing so. I’m grateful for their generosity.

The 3 main topics couples need to be aligned on are:

• financial attitudes/goals
• whether to have children/how many
• religion/culture

Sounds like you’re not aligned on finances. This must not be new? Have they been keeping him financially afloat his whole adult life?

Same for me. My parents are incredibly generous and do a lot for me and the kids financially because they want to. My parents are immigrants and have a comfortable life with several holidays per year.

DHs mum is British, has 5 rental properties and didn’t even buy a take away when she stayed with us for 4 months last year following a hip replacement. DH has been unemployed for awhile and it just doesn’t click for her. Stingy as anything.

i think it must be a cultural thing. I plan to be as generous with my kids as my parents are to me.

I’m similar id see myself as a terrible failure to be honest. I also dint have a great relationship with my parent so that influences me, id see it as me having to see her more if she was giving me money! It’s the other way round for me, im better off than her. If we go for a meal my mum doesn’t even take her purse !

My parents are generous. I'm 52 and they still like to spoil me and my brother. Like others have said, they would rather see us enjoy the money they've gifted whilst they're alive. I know I'll be the same with my children 😊

We earn well but also have generous parents and have been given significant sums over the years. Their generosity has not impacted ambition at all. We earn more now than we did 5 yrs ago. No inheritance tax implications as both sets of parents live and earn in other countries. If able, parents help their children. We will do the same for our DC. Regardless of how old they are, they will be our DC.

When you say you bought flowers for MIL last week do you mean your reminded DH or you actually paid for them? If it is that you paid for them while you can't afford a haircut then why would you do this while he gets his beer, gig and petrol money given to him?

From a purely financial/tax efficiency viewpoint it makes absolute sense for your DH’s parents to do this, as you can enjoy the money now when you need it, and saves on inheritance tax (7 year rule aside) in the long run.

Im in my 30’s and my parents give me money for birthdays and at Christmas. My mum sometimes transfers me random £20’s to treat myself. Even my elderly grandparents slyly slip me a tenner whenever I see them. Although I always try and slip it them back, they insist I take the money to spend on petrol or a takeaway.

I’m very lucky to have come from such a generous and selfless family.

I gift my DC money twice a year. I always pay if I go out for lunch or an activity with them or dgc. I send dgc money for new books and ice cream too. I'm happy to pay for any holidays any of my DC and dgc join me on too. As others have said it's a good way to pass on money that won't be paid to chancellor. I lend them money interest free too eg. One DC needed new boiler and central heating system another car engine broke so they needed newer car. They only ask to borrow money for sensible things and always pay it back. I just save them interest payments. I suppose I'm their safety nets but they don't borrow money often because I gift them twice a year.

Nothing. Not even a birthday or Xmas present.

Brothers have their hands in the pot constantly.

I agree op it did give me the ick reading your posts. Shame they don’t contribute something worthwhile like a deposit for a property.