When is this nightmare going to end?

[HaychEss]

RANT INCOMING… My baby is 5 months now and it has been hell since day one, not even exaggerating. My family and my husbands family have said that she is one of the most challenging babies they have known. Nothing works. It feels like she is just crying all the time and her sleep is also crappy. I feel bad for complaining because I once prayed for a healthy baby and now I feel like I can’t cope. It’s like everyone is getting on with their lives and I’m just stuck with a crying baby. I think I search ‘when do babies sleep through the night’ every other day! Tell me it gets better! What can i do to help baby settle and play better?

this is so real! Feel like it’s taboo to have any negativity towards your baby but when they have made you feel like giving up on everything it’s hard to remain calm and positive… definitely going to speak to GP

She has reflux but that’s all we know…going to look into osteopathy thanks

lol I make jokes like this all the time cannot cope!

For real! So damaging for mental health I barely get out

I feel like I can hear her cry ringing in my ear all the time, when I say it to family they think I’m going crazy!

My first was like this. My second reassured me that it was nothing I was doing wrong the first time.

I used to hand her to my husband at regular intervals during the day because I just needed to not hear screaming for 5 minutes. She is now a gorgeous and bright 3yo, although still (I would say) more challenging than the average and is on a path to being diagnosed with ASD. In retrospect she’s very sensory sensitive and I think just struggled to cope with loud noises / new feelings / bright lights.

She got a lot better at 9m and I began to actually enjoy my time with her (for some of the day) at about 1yo. From there it’s just got progressively better and she’s now a joy to be around. She started sleeping through the night at 18mo (before then it was every hour or so…)

I feel your pain but please be reassured they don’t stay so hard forever! I’m not sure there’s much you can do other than be reassured you’re not doing anything wrong and try to get through it.

Cranial osteopathy was a life saver for me with my eldest. Many years ago but I still feel traumatised remembering the early months. Take as much help as you can and try to get some breaks and rest.

OP, hang in there. DC1 was very challenging and had me feeling absolutely insane with exhaustion and as if I was living in a sort of alternative reality hell-bubble for long periods, and nearly 16 years later, I still sort of flinch at the recollection -and I'm really a very relaxed and see-the-best-in-everything kind of person. Subsequent DC -a breeze.

I'd say, beware the validation of friends and family in pronouncing your baby incredibly challenging. While I absolutely understand how important it is to know that it's not just 'in your head', the most constructive thing may be for you to have it reflected back to you that you're really doing the best you can in tricky circumstances, and that, despite your baby being a tough customer, you're doing an amazing job, and that your maternal instinct, despite you being under phenomenal strain, must be an awesome force of nature which manages to sustain your mothering, even when it feels utterly thankless and desperate. This capacity to live through this phase of your life on hard mode, while it's something you never asked for, and which is causing you to profoundly question yourself, is going to be transformational and you're doing it, one crappy night and grizzly meet-up with friends at a time. It definitely will pass, but I honestly think the challenge-level of having a high needs baby who doesn't sleep outweighs any number of other life-challenges; you're amazing.

Yep. I’ve been there.

To help me survive, my husband would take her out for two hours every day. He’d do a huge walk around the park. Even in the snow!! 😂😂

I promise, you will laugh about it in a few years xx

If you are anywhere near london (central or north) feel free to pm i have a great one

If she has reflux she needs medication and be advised, she needs more medication as her weight goes up and also, you think it’s gone and then it comes back when they are teething.

Is she on medication for the reflux? And has she been investigated for CMPA/I and other allergies/intolerances? Getting treatment right can be a game-changer.

Hi OP.

Sorry, haven't had time to read all the thread, but can see you have lots of great advice. Just in case nobody has posted this charity https://www.cry-sis.org.uk/ I'm putting it here for you, they support parents whose babies cry a lot and/or don't sleep.

Long shot but it could be sensory and it's an easy thing to try and ease. Remove all labels from clothing, no wool blankets or wool clothing, no buttons or poppers touching the skin, soft cotton clothing washed in non-bio - basically nothing that might itch or irritate. Trying white noise in the background. If your baby is calmer in the car, then worth trying a vibrating bouncy chair. Could see if baby prefers firm pressure, or soft pressure to soothe them.

It's really REALLY hard when you have a baby that cries all the time.

Have you tried medication for reflux e.g omeprazole? You have to push for this from GP sometimes but well worth it. Sometimes
if you don’t medicate severe reflux it can cause damage to the oesophagus and just get worse and worse pain wise for the baby.

Have you been to the GP? Crying all the time isn’t normal. My first thought would be a milk allergy.

I had one like this. What helped me was long walks every day, come rain or shine. He became quiet (never slept night or day) but at least I had peace and thinking time. It does pass, I promise x

My DD was like this a complete nightmare. I was so exhausted. I thought I was gonna die. I took her in the end on the advice of a friend to a cranial Osteopath. The difference was amazing after three sessions might be worth a try.
how was the birth ?

Sorry, I've not read all of the replies and updates, but has she been checked for reflux? Our LO had severe reflux and was incredibly challenging - just as you describe - until she was diagnosed. Medication helped.

Definitely try and find out what is the cause of her crying, I would say to be crying that much she must be in pain. My second cried a lot, he was a nightmare for the first 2 years, looking back I realise he had reflux absolutely cannot understand why I didn’t realise at the time as he was on reflux medication when he was a few months old which I had to stop
as he was so badly constipated from
it.
anyway if you can find out why then she can get some treatment for it and hopefully become a happier baby with a happier mommy. Good luck.

I promise it does get better. I was googling obsessively like you - my son would not sleep more than 45 minutes at a time. He also cried constantly and I was told by sympathetic Drs that he had the mysterious 'colic'. As it was COVID times, I would get 2 hrs sleep a day, as my husband would take him to his online calls at 8am whilst I slept. I even rang a charity (cry-sis) in desperation!
I did end up at the GP because my anxiety went stratospheric - I was flailing around in the street outside my mum's (again, COVID) in a Victorian nighty, no bra, insistent I was having a heart attack. That's how bad sleep deprivation can get so it's important you listen to your instincts and get support - all babies are tough but some of them are really sent to try us!
For my son, at 7months the colic just stopped, and at 10months he started sleeping through. As a parent, whilst you are trying to adjust to your new reality, you are allowed to feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, all the things. It just means you are human, and sleep deprivation is like torture.
My wonderful, beautiful son (now 5) was, and is, definitely challenging. The only advice I can give (because sleep blips can and do crop up out of nowhere) is to not entertain or encourage behaviour you cannot sustain. Good sleep habits and consistency are key.
I got very smug when he started sleeping through, realised I'd cracked it with my excellent parenting, and started encouraging snuggles in my bed as a nice wind down in the evening. He is stubborn as a mule and very 'emotional' so breaking the habit failed, and I now sleep with a bed hogging small boy every night, and haven't had an unbroken nights sleep in at least a year. Unlike newborn era, this one is all my fault 🤦

Another vote for a GP visit to rule out CMPA! My son had it. I once ate a shortbread biscuit and he came out in hives when I BFed an hour later. Showed the doctor a picture of them and he got an EpiPen off the back of it. I also kept a food diary and found an egg allergy that way as well.

He’s nearly 2 now and we’ve been under a dietician since he was 4 months. The egg allergy didn’t go and he still has an EpiPen for that, but he can now have little bits of dairy safely and had his first ice cream a few days ago.

We did cranial osteopathy too. I don’t know if it did anything or if it was just nice to have someone ask me things about the birth and how he was and give him their full attention for an hour. Worth a try!

If you have a sling library near you, see if you can try a few different ones. My friend had a baby who was super alert and only happy when she could see everything, so she spent her mat leave walking around carrying the baby on her back.

I’m so sorry for you. It’s a difficult situation and very isolating when you are sleep deprived too. I had similar. It feels so awful when you’re going through it and no one listens. They just told me it’s normal. They told me when she gets to school she’ll sleep, but that didn’t work either.

Nothing worked. Got fobbed off badly. Health visitor said ‘cool boiled water’. A and E said it was normal - just colic! But DD had scratched hubby’s chest, crying in pain. I knew something weren’t right. Health visitor knew she was underweight and asked me ‘what’s happening with her?!’ All the visiting family seemed to sooth her. I tried absolutely everything, cranial osteopathy, baby yoga, baby swimming, sling, loads of toddler groups everyday, asked advice from Nans, child minders etc. Photos of her look so sad because of her lack of sleep- sunken eyes/pale. She must have been in a lot of pain.

Used to drive a lot to try and get her to sleep.

So after being fobbed off badly- even GP saying no it can’t be coeliac - another GP eventually did bloods and set the ball rolling at age 4. She weren’t getting her nutrients and had severe reflux all along (and milk intolerance finally noticed as gut was in a bad way).

So I feel guilt about it now. But no one listened.

Yes I’d seek medical advice & go with your Mum instinct.

I felt like a terrible Mum and felt judged by everyone.
I remember queuing at the chemist for phenergan once and the looks and people judging! I was desperate though. That was only once.

Don’t leave it just incase there’s a remedy/help.
Sorry for you, hope you get your answers.

What about CMV (Cytomegalovirus)

I've never heard of if but I'm sure if was featured on either Morning Live or Dr Xands Con ir Cure BBC2 this week. Apparently some other countries test new borns for it but not here. Treatment has to be early

kidshealth.org/en/parents/cytomegalovirus.html

....meant to add Cytomegalovirus (CMV) is commonly spread through close, direct contact with infected saliva, particularly from young children to adults.

Mine was like this and it was CMPA. I was bf so cute out all dairy and after about 4 weeks she was a new baby.