When is this nightmare going to end?

[HaychEss]

RANT INCOMING… My baby is 5 months now and it has been hell since day one, not even exaggerating. My family and my husbands family have said that she is one of the most challenging babies they have known. Nothing works. It feels like she is just crying all the time and her sleep is also crappy. I feel bad for complaining because I once prayed for a healthy baby and now I feel like I can’t cope. It’s like everyone is getting on with their lives and I’m just stuck with a crying baby. I think I search ‘when do babies sleep through the night’ every other day! Tell me it gets better! What can i do to help baby settle and play better?

Have you ruled out medical issues?

Have you seen a baby osteopath
I thought it was mumbo jumbo but since having kids im not so sure and for £60 its worth a punt if you havent

thinking of you OP. Mine was a crier and a poor sleeper. The cying did ease off after the first 3 months or so and I used to put them in a sling so I could do things. Sleep was still awful, they even dropped their day time nap at 18 months and I did not get an unbroken night until they were 22 months old (sorry, not what you need to hear). They were a delightful toddler, no melt downs, very articulate, I reckoned it was all those hours awake that meant they learnt lots of words! Anyway me reminiscing isn't helping you, it really is horrendous when you are going through it, makes your world feel so small as you are so tired and always on alert for the next storm.

A few ideas:

Cranial Osteopath - she might be in pain. They are all smushed up in your tummy for 9 months and some can come out with aches and pains!

Again, CMPA. Nearly every baby I know who's been a "bad sleeper" has CMPA! Also it can cause things like reflux etc. Reflux is very misunderstood, as it's often given as a diagnosis, when actually it's a symptom of something else.

Another vote for cranial osteopathy.

I couldn't put my DC down without howls. He cried unless he was asleep and he only fell asleep when he couldn't stay awake any longer.

Apparently when the baby is born the fontanells are pushed together quite often and can trap nerves. In my DCs case it was his vagus nerve and he was in contant fight or flight with adrenaline coursing through his little body.

2 very gentle sessions of cranial osteopathy and he slept for 21 hours straight.

Soludarity. I also had an amazing non sleeping baby. There were times I actually thought I was going mad. I literally got by on Red Bull and carbs for months. It didn’t help that DH was away a lot for work at the time. I remember getting to work one day and looking so rough that my boss said he’d drive me home, then I couldn’t remember where I’d parked.

I also went down the cranial osteopathy route when DD was about 18 months old. I was very sceptical, but it did have a noticeable effect from the first session. She’s a very chilled out teenager now!

@HaychEss please please speak to a sleep consultant, for your DCs sake as much as for you. They do a 15min initial, free, no strings attached, phone call to understand a bit about what’s going on and whether they think they can help you. If they think it’s not a sleep problem or you choose not to go forwards with them you haven’t lost anything, and have everything to gain. The Little Dreams Consulting guys have supported me through 2 babies and I love them for it but I am sure the other sleep consultants are also awesome. When they start having a consistent pattern to their naps and they go to sleep
in their cot without crying it suddenly gives you the space to see if anything else might be going on but even the NHS are finally starting to promote that sleeping is almost as important as eating for a baby.

I was going to suggest this. Rhyme time at library.

I wish I'd done this with my eldest. She would cry and if I didn't get to her quick enough she would be sick. All the midwives said she was fine, nothing to worry about, but it was sheer hell. She was born via ventouse and I did wonder if it damaged her in some way as she had quite a deformed head at the start.

agree with other PPs, have you been to docs? Could be CMPA, or reflux. Both my kids had sensitivity to foods which worsened reflux. Are nappies normal? Lots of wind? Also would second cranial osteopathy.

It's so hard! I had a very angry loud baby who nobody could take off my hands even for 30 mins (a few tried but never did it a second time).

Meeting other mums and babies now I think she had undiagnosed reflux (my doctor ruled it out based on Gaviscon not working which I now understand to not be the gold standard he thought it was). And all the reflux symptoms make sense, I feel quite guilty for missing it. So I'd say push the doctors!

She's a lovely 6 year old now, just to reassure you. Big temper of course but that's overshadowed by being really funny, kind and clever!

Sending solidarity! My 7m old was like this - in the early days it was silent reflux. After we got his tongue tie cut and had a couple of osteopath sessions, the reflux resolved itself, but we was still really difficult. Screamed through changes, screamed in his car seat, screamed in the bassinet.

He learned to crawl a few weeks ago and since then has become SO much more chilled out. He still hates nappy changes and he wants to feed himself even though he lacks the necessary skills, but he's absolutely fine in the pram now (moved him out of the bassinet at 5 months) and will tolerate the car seat. Most days he's just on the floor happily playing with his toys, and honestly it felt like this time would never come. We've decided that he just hates being a baby and wants to skip straight to being a toddler. It will get better!

Edited to add: we did some gentle sleep training at 5 months (a form of pick up and put down) and it made such a difference.

People will tell you to throw money at the problem but some babies are just awful for different seasons of their lives. Once you’ve ruled out medical, it can just be personality.

Not what you want to hear but my first was atrocious and I thought I was losing my sanity the first year. No medical reason, just low sleep needs and didn’t seem to enjoy anything. An utterly miserable year.

As a toddler she’s far better but her personality is very highly strung. I know how to handle her now and life is better - but she’s still low sleep needs.

My first suggestion before ending up down a google rabbit hole of sleep consultants, osteopathy, dairy intolerance - is to ask for help from your village. Even if that means someone walks your baby around the block so you can have a calming bath or nap. The baby needs to be out the house so you can recharge a bit. Sometimes that half hour allows clarity and you to be able to re assess the situation. Follow your gut as much as you can and ignore all the strict guidance that baby should sleep x amount, feed x amount etc. Wake windows were detrimental to me that first year and once I learned to chill out and go with it, life was easier.

Exactly the same for mine. Once she hit a year old and she could do things she was awesome.

I hated the baby phase. Other mums seemed to enjoy it but it was hell on earth for me.

Haven’t RTFT but my son was like this. He’s now 6.

He had silent reflux that took ages to diagnose.
We tried cranial osteopathy which did help a bit.
It mainly just got a little easier as he grew. Once he could sit he was happier, once he could crawl he was happier and when he could walk he was happier still. So hang on in there. But sending solidarity OP because I know from experience it’s miserable.

Mine still prefers to be close to me and to sleep with me if he can get away with it, although he’s mainly in his own bed overnight.

He’s wonderful - inquisitive and kind and I love the way he sees the world. Sending love until it gets better ❤️

Our DD was like this - basically just cried for the first 9 months of her life. It was so hard. She's 4 now and just so much fun - I can't wait for her to wake up in the mornings so we can play, sometimes I look at her and think I might burst...
Anyway, I'm really sorry, it's so hard - but you'll do it (because you don't have another choice lol), and then one day you'll barely even remember it, and honestly that day's coming sooner than you might think.

I had a baby like this - I had 4 months of incessant crying and screaming and no sleep. It was unbearable. I was going back and forth to the GP who just kept fobbing me off and telling me it was reflux.

Ultimately the three things that worked were:

1. Tongue function assessment (and frenulotomy)
2. Removal of dairy from my diet
3. Craniosteopathy

Treatment from the craniosteopath was an absolute game changer!!!

Was coming on to say this - cranial osteopathy was a miracle cure. Literally like a different baby from the first session (and I cracked way before 5 months!).

Please don’t beat yourself up - it will honestly get better and eventually be a distant memory.

With my baby you could actually see her forehead was a strange shape. My phisio recommended a craneal osteopath. The first time she got this harmless massage on her head, she sighed 7 times and from then on, she was much calmer and stopped having this alarmed look in her eyes. It was like magic. In three sessions her forehead looked normal. I had never heard of this before. I recommended her to a neighbour whose kid couldn´t look left from birth and one foot was permanently pointing down. Sorted in one session.

I haven’t read the replies but suggest you try cranial osteopathy. It’s expensive but worthed as may be the solution. You need a good practitioner.

Another one saying ‘silent reflux’

All my children had it and my sisters 2 sons had it. They roared and she could barely leave the house.

Her BIL is a (childless) GP and was visiting her and after about 10 minutes of listening to the crying said ‘what wrong with him’ she said he is always like this. He said omg I feel so guilty, parents come in all the time saying the baby won’t stop crying and I say to them ‘babies cry, that’s normal’ but I had no idea it was this awful. After an hour he left the house and didn’t visit again until her son was about 8!!!

I also tried cranial osteopathy and it worked really well. My son slept for hours after it but he still had reflux that needed to be treated.

If she really is crying all the time then it sounds medical. Mine had cmpa. I'd suggest going dairy free if you're breastfeeding, if you're not, talk to the GP about dairy-free formula.

Osteopathy too. Try it as well

Another miserable baby here. Confirmed CMPA diagnosis at 11 months!

Exclusively breastfed but only had an obvious reaction when we started weaning at 6 months - baby porridge mixed with breast milk!

I'd been at the GP / HV every other week from birth though as DC was slow with weight gain, often had mucusy stools and was so blooming unhappy. Didn't sleep either. I was a second time mum and was dismissed on every occasion! Although we were referred immediately after the reaction.... but it still took 5 months to be seen in the allergy clinic.

Poor little sausage spent her first few months upset and unhappy. Still makes me feel guilty now!! The good news is she's now a happy, healthy and very lovely child. Although still my most high maintenance child (of 3!)

I found 4-6 months the trickiest baby age. After that it got easier, even when sleep didn’t get better (slept through the night at 2.5)

If there are no physical causes I do think that some babies just don't like being helpless babies! I think they find it uncomfortable and boring, I know that mine got easier when they could grip things, sit up, roll over and really interact with the world. I used to blame myself and wonder what on earth I was doing wrong to have a baby that just shrieked all the time. When I was wrung out from lack of sleep and not thinking rationally it felt as if they hated me and wanted a better mother who knew what they were doing. One of my friend's second one used to cry a lot and she said that if this was her first she wouldn't have had another one