When is this nightmare going to end?

[HaychEss]

RANT INCOMING… My baby is 5 months now and it has been hell since day one, not even exaggerating. My family and my husbands family have said that she is one of the most challenging babies they have known. Nothing works. It feels like she is just crying all the time and her sleep is also crappy. I feel bad for complaining because I once prayed for a healthy baby and now I feel like I can’t cope. It’s like everyone is getting on with their lives and I’m just stuck with a crying baby. I think I search ‘when do babies sleep through the night’ every other day! Tell me it gets better! What can i do to help baby settle and play better?

It will get better, hang in there.

In the meantime, can your family take her for a night to give you a break?

Have you spoken to the GP?

Your baby sounds like one of my kids, turned out it was undiagnosed CMPA (initially missed by first GP).

Oh bless you, I had a very difficult baby. Part of a big local mum and baby group and out of 20ish babies he was always crying!

The only thing that really helped was slinging him a lot during the day. Being close to me all day while I got on with household jobs really helped.

Sounds absolutely awful, poor you. You must be so exhausted with it all.

Though not unheard of, it isn't the norm for babies to still be crying this much at 5 months. I wonder if she could be uncomfortable/in pain. Has she been checked over medically? What have they looked for?

My sister's baby was like this. It was hell. She ended up paying for cranial osteopathy and it was like magic. It took six sessions but he just stopped crying after the final one. I hope it gets easier for you, hang in there.

@HaychEss sorry you’re having such a hard time. Difficult to know without more info but 5 months I’m sure there’s a lot developmentally going on but it’s so difficult to know why. Could be teething (I blamed that on everything though), undiagnosed colic (is she looking in pain after feeds / gassy), reflux etc. PP suggested CMPA whcih causes unhappy babies and poor sleep.

Does she nap in the day? Does this crying pattern get worse at any particular time of day (witching hour / evening ) Could she be overstimulated? Does she take a dummy and if so does this help soothe when crying? I personally found cosleeping a lifesaver to claw back some sleep especially because I was bf but even if not this may be a solution (even if temporary) whilst things are particularly bad?

Or is she just a Velcro baby that is only happy on you - ij whcih case as pp said sling / carrier (although appreciate depending on size / back issues not always possible)

Is your DH supportive / helping with nights if possible. Obviously you’re exhausted, but do you feel particularly anxious / low.

Agree seeing GP may be useful. Sometimes just one of those things that does get better with age. Sleep is such a tough one because there’s little you can do to change it but ssleep deprivation is genuinely one of the worst things you can experience. Also agree is you can get help with even just one night so you can get a good nights sleep that might help things seem less awful overall

sending solitary

Sending solidarity! My almost 6m old is an awful night sleeper at the moment, he never used to be but the past few weeks have got worse and worse, currently its every 1-1.5 hours waking. We are now doing some sleep training to try and help because I physically cant continue on. Have you spoken to your HV or anyone? I spoke with mine and she gave me some tips on sleep. Also if you have anyone who can watch baby for an hour or 2 on the odd day to grab some sleep this really helps. I also wear earbuds with something nice playing in them when settling if the crying is particularly bad.

I can say it gets better purely because I have a 3 year old who was also a bad sleeper but now enjoys sleeping (just the usual toddler going to bed challenges).

I know exactly how you feel though it is the hardest thing in the world and the thoughts can overwhelm you. You'll get through it (I keep telling myself the same) x

Could she possibly have undiagnosed, silent reflux?

If you’re trying to put her in a separate cot, maybe consider putting her in your bed instead? Honestly, do whatever it takes to get sleep.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and it sounds very hard what you’re going through. Be kind to yourself.

@HaychEss my first was horrific. He cried all day he cried on his sleep he woke up screaming he was off the charts. After a long time he turned into the best child you could ever imagine. Didn’t see it coming. Have had 2 kids after him which made me realise just how bad he was, but he’s wonderful now

I just have to say this. You are ALLOWED to be distressed and feel negative when in negative situations regardless of wishing to have a baby to love and it nor being perfect right now. It does pass and it's the most unsoothing thing someone could say. I'd ask a doctor for more investigation if she's really so clearly challenging to not just you, that indicates a hidden issue and u may be able to find you and baby some relief.

I had one of those and she’s now 4.5. It does get better and looking back, time flies but in the moment its so incredibly hard.

GP help needed to rule out medical issues and support you more. It’s ridiculous (and dangerous for everyone) that women are left on their own nowadays.

My baby was like this, it gets better, hang in there.
She's 5 now and all her friends mum's say how laid back she is - not something I could ever imagine!
Rope in all the help you can.

I know it doesn’t help now, but it will get better. My second baby was similar and he didn’t sleep through until 18 months (sorry) but he’s 21 now and he never caused me a moments trouble after 2! Definitely my easiest of my 3 despite the tough start. He was later diagnosed with a cows milk allergy, which explains some of the crying. He was never one as a teen to sleep in either, always up early even now.

Sympathies op!
I had a non stop crying baby too, (did turn out to be cmpa) but he was still unhappy until he turned two.
Then it was like a magic switch, and he turned into the most laidback easygoing funny child.
People on the school run used to stop me years later remembering him from being the crying baby in the pushchair. (I walked a lot - headphones on, for my own sanity)

They do tend to sleep better once they double their birthweight. In he meantime try not to listen to comments from your family. Some babies cry more than others.
I found holding my baby as much as possible and skin to skin cuddling/sleeping was very helpful as it calms baby. Offer feeding before they show signs of hunger, ie rooting, tongue thrusts etc, that also helps.

Have her checked for silent reflux.

Just hang in there, everything will get better with time.
Just ask someone to take care of her for a night or two, so that you can have a lil break..

Honestly it’s just luck. My first was like this. Screamed in the cot, screamed in the pram, screamed in the highchair or car seat. Explosive tantrums from 12 months. From 3 onwards, he’s became a wonderful boy. Helpful, kind and many praises from teachers.

It wasn’t until I had ds2 that I realised the sheer difference. I couldn’t believe I had a baby that would be put down in the bassinet and sleep. Now I still get shocked that he will happily hold my hand and not try to leg it like ds1 used to try.

It does all even out though. Although ds1 was a harder baby and toddler, he was never ill. Meanwhile ds2 is very sickly so it’s harder in that sense.

You could maybe consider CMPA if he she has eczema or slimy poos. It can make them very unsettled.

Sending hugs op it will pass soon.

I had a baby (as his nanny) like this. Same, he turned out to be allergic to cow's milk. Specialist food transformed him. Poor little mite, he must have been so uncomfortable.

That said, some babies just are temperamental. If it's this bad, though, it's definitely worth checking

My friend's son was like this, eventually at 6 months he was diagnosed with an inner ear condition that had made him dizzy all the time. Go to the doctor OP, it's not normal for a baby to cry all the time.

Consider cranial osteopathy.

Sounds like my dd! Difficult baby but easy toddler.

One of my twins was like this, it was hell on earth in all honesty, the crying nearly sent me insane. Especially with another baby to care for in the background, the guilt I felt that she didn’t get the same attention, almost broke me too. It’s HARD and a very different experience to motherhood than for mums with calm babies. I totally hear you, and can relate. It stopped though, it does get better and you will sleep again and enjoy your baby and being a mummy i PROMISE you. I tried everything we were in the GP every week desperately looking for answers, nothing changed. Once I started weaning onto solids, then he was more sturdy, more interactive, things slowly shifted as he gradually got that little bit older, and now at 4 he is an angel child. I truly believe difficult babies turn into angel toddlers / children. Sending huge hugs I totally get it! X

Make sure you get out every day and stimulate her and you, playgroupsnwere my life saver !
osteopath to check she isn’t in pain
gentle sleep training