Men of Mumsnet come hither and tell...

[TooBigForMyBoots]

...what do you do to further the lot of women and children? What do you do to lessen the threat to us?

They're generally here to moan about not getting enough sex.

Or to give advice and share their expertise on the sex board.

Yeah me too. I’m cringing from the inside out. Wish I’d scrolled on past😬

Excellent question and one to which I have no really satisfactory answer.

What things I do, such as challenging poor male behaviour and attitudes, is very much not even going to cause the smallest of ripples.

Any good that it might do is nothing compared to the societal changes that are required.

So why am I not out campaigning then?
My honest answer to that is that I have other priorities in my life. I work full time and single parent two children, plus have just begun seeing someone.

I will do what I can to be a better person as an individual and will support issues that lead to better protection for women and children but unfortunately I am just a flawed individual trying to do right but too often failing.

My most illustrious students were female. I worked in an inner city school with poor behaviour, and tutored a talented girl, who now has a successful career.

In another school, a girl came from abroad with no English. I could see she was talented, so I took her under my wing. When I left to move to the school above, she wanted to follow me (not uncommon in her culture) so I explained what a terrible idea that would be, and left instructions behind to ensure she'd be given the opportunities she deserved. She lives and works in Zurich and has had a successful career in finance. She sends me a gift every year.

In my last school, there was a girl, bright but not especially talented, but I spotted her potential and took every opportunity to promote her education. She went on to study medicine.

At the same school, there was a Russian girl with low self-esteem. I told her consistently that I admired her intelligence. When I retired, she bought me 14 red roses: the only gift I got from a student, not that I wanted any.

Really, though, this was just me doing my job.

I know all about biological sex. Particularly female biological sex, being a woman and all. I know that men are not and can never be, women.

I am not trolling. I'm having a discussion.

Thank you for your contribution @LochSunart. It's been really interesting.

Women often swear at people intervening in this situation because they know their abusive partner will direct their anger about it towards them when they get home, rather than the person intervening. They could very well get beaten up because of it.

It doesn't mean people shouldn't intervene, but it might help your partner to understand why he might get sworn at. It's a fear reaction.

Yes, it has. Thank you for engaging with me.

What do you do if you find yourself walking behind a woman or girl? What do you say to your friends and children to do?

If you were a man, what would you do?

I agree. The kind of man who is prepared to attack his female partner in public will not take kindly to being admonished by others. If this occurs he will blame it on the woman and take out on her when they get home.
This is likely to also be the case for parents who verbally or physically attack their children in public.

I shudder to think what I would be like if I was a man.

No idea. I'm a woman.

Oh Goody, another "we hate men" thread on MN. So refreshing since it's at least 10 microseconds since the last one.

What utter nonsense this is. I've seen men stepping in to intervene where a woman was being harassed and that was taken as an immediate signal by the other man that he wanted a physical fight. Obviously ANYONE who has the means to safely help and intervene should do so, ideally the more people the better. But calling a man meek and pathetic for not feeling confident enough to enter into a physical altercation is actually highly toxic behaviour and actually feeds into the toxic stereotype that men have to be physically strong, confrontational and able to physically defend. I'm a woman and I'm much bigger than some of my male friends. I have also done martial arts and the first rule of most martial arts and self defence is a) avoid physical altercation and b) get to a position to run away.

"I would stab the attacker in the eye with my keys followed by punching the man in the throat to save the woman's life."

In reality you have no idea whatsoever how that situation would go the second you entered into it. You go to take a jab with your keys and he produces a knife or other weapon then what? The second you enter that situation all bets are off so its highly unreasonable to expect everyone else to willingly put themselves in that situation.

"He says he doesn't mix with 'these sort of men. So called 'good men " can attack and abuse women. But no his precious friends would never harm a woman. So he thinks"

He hasn't said that is what he thinks has he. He's said he doesn't mix with men who are OPENLY harmful to women. Do you think he should only hang around with women?

Wise up. These kinds of responses are why men shut down completely when actually there needs to be much more open dialogue about this type of stuff. This is a huge part of the reason why men won't engage with discussions about positive v toxic masculinity or ending violence against women and girls. Because they're not stupid and they know there is no 'right' or 'safe' thing they can say without someone being ready to tear them a new one just because they want to. Its unfair at best and misandrist at worst.

Loads of us have had highly, highly traumatic and harmful things done to us by men, that is not a carte blanche to tear men down, especially when in reality we do actually need them to create a safer society all round.

I'm lucky never to have directly encountered violence. The father of a kid I taught was imprisoned for eight years for GBH: someone threw a bottle at his car, so he knocked them to the ground and drove over him. We're not talking Queensbury Rules.

I do fuck all, I've got problems enough of my own.

What, in your opinion, should I do?

On the contrary, this is a thread about what men are doing to improve life for women and children.

And the first few answers from women encourage the same toxic masculinity that so many say man should stop.