Fibs your parents told you as a child

[GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf]

I’ll go first:

• My dad told me that under the “J2Os prohibition and monitoring act 2005” children were only allowed one J2O in a pub per visit because they have too much sugar in.
• He also told me that I hatched out of a cocoon instead of being born (none of my other siblings hatched it was just me).
• My mum told my brother he’s ginger because she drank too much orange juice when she was pregnant.
• My uncle told me he scrapped polar bears in Canada and that’s how he got his face.

Knowing him, probably firearms and alcohol.

Neither of which were approved of in the family. Especially alcohol.

My mum too. Great gaslighting - your head can’t hurt, children don’t get headaches!

I think of a "fib" as a small white lie which harms no one but is designed to get you out of a tricky situation. Like telling a toddler that the internet closes at 6pm so you can get them to bed.

When I was 8 my sister suddenly appeared in my life and I was very jealous. Rather than trying to include me and make me feel still wanted my mother (who had developed heart problems with the birth) told me her heart was broken because I was so naughty. Both parents then colluded to convince me I was being sent to a home for unwanted children because they did not love me any more. They had me absolutely convinced and I can remember one day sitting in tears waiting for the "man with the van" to come. I had to beg them to persuade HIM to take some other little girl.

My mother had shown me a postcard being put in the letter box and I rememberd the logo. Later I found one of the postcards and realised it had been for the football pools which my father did each week.

I was 8 years old when my parents played this dirty little trick on me. Not a fib, more psychological cruelty. I went low contact with them as an adult.

My grandmother told me if I drank coffee I would turn into a little black girl.

If I ate a lot of fish I would grow up to be brainy. She would have been pleased that I became an academic in later life.

@Friendlygingercat That's not a fib that was down right evil and tantamount to child abuse.
That was obviously a very frightening time for you .I hope you've had help with that experience.
Sorry you went through that.

Derbyshire in the 50s too.

I actually think my parents didn't lie. They'd just say they didn't want us to do things because they were dangerous or unhealthy or whatever. No need for lies. When I asked where babies came from my Mum told me the truth. We did 'stockings from Santa' but we didn't do the whole footprints in the snow or going on holiday to Lapland or whatever. I am pretty sure they didn't lie to us about anything. We've followed the same with our DC.

🤣🤣 this is brilliant. You're lucky to family like this.

I got angry with Dad.
He told me to go outside and spit in the wind and i will get my own back.
I did.
And I did.😖

My Mum said it was not her, as all ladies farts smell of perfume.
I believed this for years. 😄

My dad was a generational fibber to be honest. His dad (my grandpa) once told me he escaped the titanic. I was doing a project on it and he told me he’d been on it and escaped in the nick of time. I interviewed him and he told me “his story”, almost welling up. I was going to submit my interview but my Nan came in and told him to stop winding me up. I still handed the interview in but just said it was a work of fiction, got an award in assembly (sweets) and my grandpa told me I was legally obligated to share them with him or he would take me to court as he had helped with my project. I can see where my dad gets it from.

I love that 😂

My mother didn't 'fib', she downright 'lied' about everything but had the audacity to call me a liar

The first thing I remember her lying about was the existence of the easter bunny, tooth fairy and santa.

After my dad left us, she lied and said that he'd gone because he didn't love 'me' and never wanted to see me again. It turned out that she was blocking his access.

She told me that the man she was seeing when I was 14 was a 'lovely guy' and that he was moving in with us. He turned out to be a raging paedophile who regularly practiced his proclivity on me for the following 4½years. To this day (almost 40 years later) she still doesn't believe a word I've told her about what he did.

My son went to live with her when he was 10 (his choice, supported by socservs after we'd had tears of major issues with him which had serious effects on my disability. We later discovered that he was ND). She told him that his younger brother and I had been killed in a car crash because it's been driving whilst drunk. I've never driven with alcohol in my system, in fact, there are only 3 times in my life that I've had enough alcohol to have been considered over the driving limit, and want planning to go anywhere near my car keys, never mind my car on those occasions. She came unstuck a couple of years later when we bumped into him in his local town centre. She had to explain herself but never apologised for having lied!

Thankfully, I decided about 10 years ago to have no with her. I will know when she finale falls off her broomstick because my DSis still has contact, so I'll eventually be able to completely get her out of my head.

My parents told us when the ice cream van played a tune, it meant all ice-creams had been sold for the day!

Australia has a extra day

😆😆😆

I was told it was cold walls that give you piles!

So many of these have made me laugh out loud, but this one induced added tears!!! 😂😂😂

If you drank from the bathroom tap a beetle would come down it and into your mouth 🤮

That the starving children in Africa would be glad of my rice pudding/tapioca etc.

Oh yes, sleeping lions is a game, especially intended to calm children down, my youth group called it "dead soldiers". Another "cunning game to quieten children down" game is Keeper of the Keys: one child creeps up and tries to grab a bunch of keys on the floor, without being pointed at by the keeper, who is blindfolded, and points at any sound they hear.

I used to ask my parents "why can't I see the pattern on the scarf, when I'm blindfolded"? Their fib was that it was magic, and actually made me blind. They couldn't be bothered with the scientific explanation!

Carrots make you see in the dark.
If you pull a face and the wind changes it will stay like that.
If you pick your bellybutton your bum will fall off.
Pick your nose and your brain will fall out.
Is it yeah?
Watch too much tv you will get box eyes.
If you eat your veg you will get hairs on your chest.

If you eat the pips of an apple a tree will grow in your tummy

If you dig deep enough in the sand, you'll come out in Australia

If you have a bad dream its the demons so you have to shout out Jehovah very loud and the demons will leave you alone

Can’t think of any, except the Father Christmas/Tooth Fairy ones, and I’m very glad I experienced that all too short-lived magic as a child.

Dad also had a big scar on his write that he told me was because they caught him stealing. He told me this after I had tried to steal a freddo and got caught. Never shoplifted in my life since.

Can't remember when it started, but my dad used to go outside on 1 April, ring the doorbell then shout up the stairs: "Arlanymor, your REAL dad is here!"

It was something to do with a notion that I was swapped at birth with a gingerbread baby and that I should be living in a gingerbread house in the forest with them. I think it came from me being a very idealistic child.

It stopped the one day I called his bluff and came down the stairs at about 6/7 years old with a suitcase and said: "I'm ready to go home!"