Fibs your parents told you as a child

[GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf]

I’ll go first:

• My dad told me that under the “J2Os prohibition and monitoring act 2005” children were only allowed one J2O in a pub per visit because they have too much sugar in.
• He also told me that I hatched out of a cocoon instead of being born (none of my other siblings hatched it was just me).
• My mum told my brother he’s ginger because she drank too much orange juice when she was pregnant.
• My uncle told me he scrapped polar bears in Canada and that’s how he got his face.

When the gypsies used to come round to sell dishcloths in the 80s my mum used to make us hide as she didn’t want to buy any. She told us we were hiding because they took little children away. I had nightmares for years about that.

I genuinely thought this too!

We had the ice cream man that didn't have any ice cream if his music was playing. They were foiled when one of us announced, "But he must have some lollies, then, or he wouldn't keep coming!"

Also, "If you eat your crusts, your hair will curl!" That was one way to put me off eating crusts as a child, because my hair was wild enough and difficult to manage as it was, let alone with any extra curls!

If the tooth fairy forgot to collect our teeth overnight, it was because she was on holiday. As we got older, it was because she had developed arthritis, so it took her longer to do her nightly visits to everyone who had lost teeth that day!

My dad told me that when you’re born they tie the umbilical cord in a knot to make your belly button… and that they have a different knot for each county/year of birth. I thought it would help to identify you in an accident… and believed it until I was 15!

oh and also my mum told me to always crush eggshells before putting them in the bin so that witches can’t use them to float down the river.

There is no such word as "can't" - there clearly is!
Father Christmas is real.

We love you and your brother equally.

If you pick dandelions you'll wet the bed.

If you don't eat your crusts you won't get curly hair.

The ice cream van plays a tune when it's run out of ice cream.

Apparently I refused to sleep in my own bed until I was about 4 so my mum told me they had a pet tarantula called Harry the spider who lived in their bed. He was really friendly to adults but he didn't like children. I never slept in there again and I've also had lifelong arachnophobia, thanks mum 🤣

My dad took us fell walking a lot and when my sister and I were getting tired and moany he would tell us there was an ice cream van at the top of the hill. He would also say "it's all downhill once you get to that bit!" then when we'd reach 'that bit' to find loads more hill he'd say "no I meant the next bit!"

Also my mum to this very day tells me she has a black belt in karate and I just can't believe it. I think the lie has gone on too long so she can't admit it.

I used to ask my parents where all the sheep were going when I saw them in big lorry’s on the motorway, they said the farmers were just moving them to another field!

When I was about 4 I was playing with some stuff and I came across an emery board. I asked my mum what is was. She told me that you could use it to file your nose down if you didnt like the shape of it ( yes my mother was a bit of a wind-up merchant)
You can guess what happened next.........

Mum would tell me ,with great excitement, to look out for the lights of Monte Carlo ....heading home from North Berwick to Edinburgh. Every time. For years.

I had one on my neck and it faded away, but you can clearly see it in my baby photos.

One night when I couldn't sleep and was scared because of the thunder my mum told me not to worry and that it was only God up in heaven moving his furniture about 🤣.

If we were on holiday and saw a play park. We weren’t allowed to play on it as they were for local kids only.

They spent ages to trying to convince us that chicken drumsticks grew on chicken drumstick trees.

That people in Australia were upside down and had Velcro on their shoes to stop them falling. We did not fall for those!

Your tummy will burst if you any more one afternoon, I was terrified it would and kept watching it.

The witches are out tonight /Halloween during a long car journey so I hid on the floor in back of the car. Days before seatbelts.

A few others but to say the fear only lasted at the time so no future trauma! Xx

That when baking bread you shouldn't talk, shout or be noisy as the bread won't rise.

That around twice a year you need to get a little teaspoon and taste all the cupboard jars, and, yes that does include the English mustard too.

I trusted my dad implicitly and a child and followed these two rules strictly in the kitchen 😂

That if I put my feet too close to the fire, they would be burnt off, like Pinocchio’s.

If I wore shoes without socks, my shoes would walk away without me after I took them off. (We were made to wear shoes sockless before PE at school.)

Too much TV would make your eyes go square: but being blindfolded afterwards would prevent this.

That if you sat on a hot radiator to warm up when we got to school then we would get piles.
My mam also said she was going to see a man about a dog..it was either mind your own business or she was going to the toilet!
She told us our dog ran away...turns out he was nipping, she didn't trust him and returned him to the pound. My siblings laughed at me so much when I mentioned him running away at the age of 25 still not realising it wasn't true.

Reading all these though has made me feel quite sad that my children won't have any of these memories...I don't say anything like this to my children, do any of you?

Mum, who was a nurse, told me never to use tampons because she had to take stuck ones out of women on a daily basis!

Actually that is what it was called, but my mum.isnt English and I thought she made it up!

I got told it wraps around your heart 🙈🤣

@INeedANewNameTodayPleaseI wasn’t allowed to have a screwball because of the bubble gum. 😰

I always though internal lights in the car were illegal!

My dad who had very curly hair, is absolutely adamant that it was because he ate his crusts. He can’t explain why, my hair is poker straight and I had to eat crusts!

My sister used to tell me that if you unscrewed your belly button, your bottom would fall off.

Mum told me that I couldn’t be poorly on Monday as this was Mondayitis. She told me that if I was naughty she’d drive me to the “home for naughty children” near our house. I later discovered it was a nursing home. She’s 90 now and recently told me that the menopause doesn’t exist and she’s sick of hearing me moan about it. 🤣