Fibs your parents told you as a child

[GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf]

I’ll go first:

• My dad told me that under the “J2Os prohibition and monitoring act 2005” children were only allowed one J2O in a pub per visit because they have too much sugar in.
• He also told me that I hatched out of a cocoon instead of being born (none of my other siblings hatched it was just me).
• My mum told my brother he’s ginger because she drank too much orange juice when she was pregnant.
• My uncle told me he scrapped polar bears in Canada and that’s how he got his face.

My BIL used to tell me there was a little pixie with a torch, lighting up the catseyes in front of the car as we drove along!

During one meal I was told the meat was chicken, which we had fairly often. I was suspicious and they insisted it was just ordinary chicken. I was sure it wasn't and said so. They eventually admitted it was rabbit and I was appalled that they'd lied and tried to con me into eating something I would have refused to eat if they'd told me what it was beforehand.

We all believed that there was a children’s party game called ‘Sleeping Lions’. I was embarrassingly old when I realised it was just my mum’s way of getting 20 hyper kids to go and lie down for half an hour whilst she cut the cake and did the party bags 😂

Sleeping lions is a game, we used to do it at school.
I was great at it, lying on the floor is my kind of sport!

I couldn't do the splits fully and was told not to try. Real gymnasts had surgery to partially remove a bone to enable them to do this. Same with other very bendy positions. I honestly believed it for years.

Re ice cream van, my pal was told they only play music to let everyone know they have run out of ice cream.

On family trip to the cinema to see Mary Poppins, my brother told me that if you couldn’t say ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ they wouldn’t let you see the film. I was only 7 at the time and couldn’t say it. I cried all the way there expecting to be left outside while Mum, Dad and my big brother saw the film.

My dad told me all fire engines were called Dennis which is why the name appeared on the front of the vehicle. He also told me that the AF on all the spanners he had in his mechanic's garage were monogrammed; they were his initials, but it took me years to find out AF meant 'across flats' and not his name. He also told me that the wooden crosses that were used by surveyors to mark out roadworks were to commemorate all the workers who had died building the road... There were many more; I'm still not sure I've sussed all the other myths he told me!

My dad told me all fire engines were called Dennis which is why the name appeared on the front of the vehicle

But that's not a fib , they are called Dennis . (My Dad told me this too)

Just like all the lorries in Glasgow with "Malcolm" on the side are called Malcolm.

My Dad told me this and he'd never fib to me

DM told me that if I got too close to a fan, it would pull all of my hair off in one go and I'd be bald forever. I'm still wary around any kind of fan, just in case it rips my hair off.

She also told me we couldn't take my favourite teddy into any shops or they'd think we'd stolen it. We're talking about a very loved, slightly dishevelled bunny rabbit soft toy. It was only when I had my own kids that I realised she just couldn't be arsed carrying it around, or dealing with the fallout if I lost it!

I remember my Nana telling me not to put my feet by the fire or I'd get chilblains and if I scratched them they'd burst . Of course I thought she meant my toes would burst and I'd be left with raw little toeless feet .
So not a fib but I never questioned her , adults don't lie to you do they ?

My uncle ran an insemination centre for cattle and I used to love going and watch the bulls be 'milked' .... I was much older when I realised he was basically a bull wanker.

One that my mum keeps up to this day is that I was a planned pregnancy. My dad used to say “oh you know me I can’t even have the TV volume on an odd number so we had to have 6 I couldn’t live with 5”. There’s no way at 42, living in a council house she decided to have another baby. My dad has confirmed recently that I was a surprise and I don’t just exists because he hates odd numbers but my mum is adamant I was planned. I’ve told her I don’t mind and that I’m just happy to be here but she still won’t budge.

I remember an auntie telling me that if I swung my legs when sitting , it meant I want my mum to die. I have ADHD and physically can’t keep still too long and this scared the shit out of me.

I had one that did but it was quite small and on my stomach.

My mother told me that my rabbit was going to go to sleep for two years because she was sick and then would be better. The rabbit had broken its neck and was PTS permanently, poor thing. But two years later I asked about it. I think I was a bit stupid.

That Emley moor mast was Blackpool tower, we could see it from our house.

I may have told this one on here before. My DF told me what happened if a rat found a whole egg. Firstly it would fetch a ratty mate to help. One of the two rats would then lie on its back. Then the standing up rat would roll the egg onto the lying down rat’s tum. The standing rat would then pull the other rat by its tail to a safe place without breaking the egg. The two rats could then feast upon the egg in peace.

This is amazing! I had a slightly bizarre conversation with a colleague recently about how there must be people whose job it is to wank bulls off. (Also about whether it's possible to make to make cheese from breast milk 😂)

I see that a couple of posters have mentioned dandelions. The French for dandelion is pissenlit - which means piss in the bed.

We had a very large, dense woodland area near where I lived. In order to stop us from going to play in there (and risk getting lost), my dad would tell us about a "wild and dangerous pig that roamed the forest". As I grew up it was obvious that it wasn't a forest and there was no pig. So cheers dad for giving me a lifelong phobia of the curly tailed grunters.

My mum told me that you grow public hair so that it's all soft for the baby's head when it's being born. I actually think she may believe this is true.

I think dandelions are used in herbal medicine as a diuretic. So some grain of truth in the wetting the bed thing.

You may very well have been a surprise to your dad, but perhaps not so much to your mum. 😉

My DSis used to tell me that the Top of the Pops studio was above our local MoneySave supermarket .

It wasn't , she was an evil fibber !

Parents were keen walkers and would tell us there was a shop at the top of whatever mountain they were climbing to encourage us to climb up with them. Fell for it 3 times.

we couldn’t go to local fairs/arcades etc because they were “only for the holidaymakers”.

My mum would say she’s put in kangaroo petrol whenever she stalled or did that bouncing driving. I was in my 20s when a boyfriend stalled and I said gosh you must have put kangaroo petrol in. He just stared at me.

I'm so glad that my DM didn't tell me that! I suffered from migraines from the age of 7,and can recall being sent home from primary school on several occasions because I felt so awful.