Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

Never in my life has a guest requested I bake a certain cake.

No that would be awkward and weird.
I would:
Get extra snacks and drinks in
Give the house and good clean and put spare towels in the guest room
Leave a bottle of water and a glass in the guest room

No more!

Our guest would tend to pay for a take away one night (we obvs wouldn't make them...) Or get a small shop in and make a dinner as a thank you.

No, my guests pitch in. I’ve bunged on a wash load for dd and hung on line though whilst she’s at work (one of her locations is near me)

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You sound ripe for abuse.
If you have an ounce of self respect you will tell him to leave and tell your husband to tell him too.

Do not allow him near you or your home again.

You sound spectacularly vulnerable to be accepting such treatment from anyone.

This is not normal behaviour.

When his mum says can you do xxxx just say no, he's an adult and can do it himself.

If he asks you to butter toast - fuck off is a valid answer.

As for making pancakes - tell him to do it himself, he knows where the stuff is. Or tell him to buy them so you don't have to make them.

I might do those things if they were my young grandchildren perhaps.
Everyone else can have clean sheets and be grateful.

Time for him to go home….

I wouldn’t expect to do laundry for such a short trip but if they needed it eg because something had got unexpectedly dirty, I would fold etc.

Cannot imagine a situation in which anyone except a toddler would ask for a specific baked good. If a toddler asked eg for pancakes for breakfast then I’d do it if it fitted in with other plans. I do generally bake though.

I would never butter another adult’s toast unless they were such an invalid they couldn’t do their own. To me this is overstepping and the idea of someone buttering my toast makes me feel a bit sick.

We once had a visit from a brother-in-law (married to DH's sister) who seemed to expect me to do his laundry. I showed him how to use the washing machine.
End of story.

You can show your BIL how to use all the domestic appliances so that he can wash his own clothes and make his own bloody pancakes

I'd butter someone's toast, I butter toast as soon as it's ready so it melts in.
I wouldn't wash and fold clothes unless they were staying with me because they were struggling and needed some extra help.
I'd bake if I wanted to but only if I wanted to, I've probably done it once or twice. No guest has ever requested it.

Maybe 1 if they needed laundry doing, probably 2 because we like baking and it's a good excuse to eat crêpe, 3 is just weird if they're old enough to be trusted with a knife. Do they want their toothpaste squeezed too?

I should add to my post above that of course your problem is bigger than this.
You are living with a man who have been brought up to disrespect women.
The most important question is - is your husband the same OP?
Does he also speak to you as if you are a domestic servant?

Cheeky fellow your BiL
i would quite literally tell him to grow up and make his own food and do his own laundry. If your MiL texts I would respond ‘I think you’re confusing me for a hotel’

Furthermore, given your state, the nature of your relationship, and his age I would expect him to help with your housework

OP, what the fuck? Tell him to fuck the fuck off immediately, he can do his own laundry and butter his own bloody toast, and if he doesn't like it and he can't be polite to you, he can get the fuck out of your house. Put your foot down RIGHT NOW.
I know how one can end up being gaslit into thinking this is normal but it isn't. He's a spoiled little misogynistic brat who thinks all women are his servants. Tell your DH he's rude and treats you like a skivvy and if he doesn't react with horror that's a red flag in itself.
And for the love of god, never make this man a pancake again, unless it's laced with high-strength laxatives and you're serving it to him just as he's leaving your house. And what is his mother on, texting you that you have to make him pancakes?
Tell her to fuck off as well!
And then put your feet up and get some well-earned rest, you're heavily pregnant and you should be the one being waited on 💐

I hope your husband doesn’t behave this way.
You need to speak with your husband and he needs to tell you BIL and his mother you’re not his servant and won’t be doing anything for him. Whilst he’s there he needs to be shown where the cleaning products are and washing machine as he needs to chip in as part of his keep. If your DH won’t do this you’re in a whole world of trouble and you’ll be back here asking for advice on him in a couple of years.

No of course not . Not unless they were my children and that would be a stretch.

Sounds like his dad knows his true colours! Don't feed into his nonsense and his mother should know better. BIL sounds very lazy and entitled

I'd hate to be a guest and have my toast buttered for me.

I always butter everyone’s toast if it’s a brunch I’m serving. I didn’t know it was weird. But don’t do any of the other stuff.

Wow! Seen your updates - they are even worse than what I thought from the OP.

Please grow a backbone and tell the both of them where to go @Loyaltotheoil He (and she) are totally taking the piss. He should be helping you out as you are heavily pregnant not asking rudely for ducking pancakes.

Not meaning to be rude to you - just angry on your behalf. I had one of these stay with me for a few weeks - the relationship broke down super quick.

The guest (aka BIL) in question complained about the buttering. I think it’s more of a demand from him than a culinary choice from OP.

No to all three. He's a grown man. I wouldn't be doing any laundry for him, he's getting too comfortable and I'd want him gone, pronto.

You have a pretty short window to get rid of him before your child arrives. Take the opportunity.

And start to set expectations with your husband that he will be doing the running around after visitors who arrive after the baby is born, and all the household laundry. Babies make a lot of laundry. Hours of making tea and making home made cakes for him will discourage further invitations.

Also interested if there are cultural expectations at play here.

Have you booked a departure date for him??
I would get that written in stone asap or this could drag a bit...

But overall @Loyaltotheoil you need to draw a firm line now and absolutely stop waiting on him. Maybe that will help hasten the departure 😉

Fuck no. And even more fuck no to your BIL who clearly is a ridiculous, rude man-child. I would not be having him to stay again unless he stopped the rudeness and his brother, your DH, does the work with him, not pissing off to work and leaving you with him.