Do you do these things for your guests?

[Loyaltotheoil]

Hi there! Just wondering, if you were hosting guests (family or close friends) for a few days, would you do these things?

• Hanging and folding their laundry
• Baking things they requested aside from the 3 meals a day (for example making crepes or baking a cake if they requested it for a snack)
• Buttering their toast, or would you just put everything on the table for them to do?

Thank you!

Just say - ‘ I think you’d better butter it yourself as I don’t seem to have the knack’. With the rest I’d just say ‘ Im busy atm but I can show you where the iron/ pancake making stuff is’ and let him do it.

is your husband treating you like this as well? If yes, run. if no, BIL can also learn to be better.

I can see why!

You shouldn't have any visitors when heavily pregnant! Get rid of him and enjoy your mat leave.

This sounds like a cultural thing. You know what they ask of you is wrong. I’d be more worried about what your husband expects of you. It sounds like BIL doesn’t work. Set some boundaries now otherwise you will end up in an unhappy marriage.

No way.

I was going to ask if this was a cultural thing. I can’t imagine any world where a MIL would text instructions of what yo cook for an entitled freeloading manbaby.

Fok no !

I've just read your updates. I'm astonished. Why on earth are you allowing him to stay in your house? He needs to leave today. He has a home and a mother who seems content to pander to him. Leave the nutcases to it. Do not be involved. No more hosting. No more cooking. No more washing, ironing or folding. No. Who are you? Cinderella? Stop it. It is 2026 and you live presumably in the UK. It doesn't matter what culture you're from. You are nobody's slave. Tell him "No more". Tell him to get out. If you need to,
Put his stuff in bin bags and put it outside the front door. Change the locks.

Not unless they are under the age of 4 and not accompanied by an adult. If they are over 4 I might wash their clothes, but would expect some 'assistance' in putting them away.

So when you were a guest in MIL’s house, you had to wait on BIL. And now BIL is a guest in your house, you have to wait on BIL.

Hardly seems fair, does it?

I have now seen the age of this leech. Two words: fuck and off.

Beware! You’ll find it hard to get rid of him - especially if you pander to him like this. That is the voice of bitter, bitter experience.

I stayed at a friend's house overnight once, many years ago. She started to butter toast for me for breakfast, and was taken aback that I would rather do it myself - because she was so used to her dickhead husband who would insist she prepare his breakfast right down to buttering his toast. It was a strange experience for both of us I think, I felt like I could see the scales falling from her eyes.

She left him a couple of years later, and is much happier now 🙂

I'd not do any of the things on OP's list except laundry if requested. For a friend I'd roughly fold t-shirts etc, and minimise any suggestion that I'd been handling their underwear (no neatly folded pants!). If they had a load all of their own I'd help them work the washing machine/tumble dryer and then otherwise leave them to it. For family I'd treat their laundry like ours, fold tops, pair socks etc.

Good lord, your BIL is mad! Your home, your rules. you’re not the problem, he’s a fool!

I’m not able to bake today as I’m not your personal chef but there’s flour in the cupboard and recipes online if you fancy it.
There’s the washing machine and powder, I’m sure you know what to do, if not try google.
I only butter toast for under 5s.
Sorry, you seem to be confused, this is my home, not a hotel- I can recommend some good ones if that’s what you prefer?
I didn’t quite catch the please or thank you there, did you mean to be so rude?

OP - You've got a 100% response that you shouldn't be doing any of these things. But why on EARTH did you do them when you were living with your in-laws?

When I see "cultural factors" trotted out, my heart sinks - in other words, gross misogyny and sexism.

Does your husband condone this behaviour? You need to act very swiftly before your new baby arrives - because in this family, a boy will be yet another misogynistic prince, and a girl will be yet another downtrodden slave.

No. This is a highly abnormal situation.
What I will do is:

-a big food shop the day before any guests arrive, with instructions to help themselves to anything they see in the fridge. If my brother stays (not often as we moved so far), he tends to make everyone a full breakfast every morning.

-provide their own room (my spare room) with bed freshly made, and room tidied and cleared from any clutter we store in there,

-provide clean towels, face wash, toothpaste etc (we have two bathrooms).

Anything more, they know they can feel free to ask me.

Most guests upon arrival will tell me they're going to go to the nearest supermarket and will buy a cake or something by way of thanks. But that's certainly not an expectation of mine! Just their way of saying "thanks for letting us stay". They certainly don't make demands.

We have a fair few guests since we moved to Northumberland a few years ago, which is now for some reason really trendy and everyone wants to come and stay!

I thought for a minute you were that poster who's taken in her son in law, because his partner/your daughter will stop her seeing her grandson otherwise, and that was a very abusive situation. He screams at her, has pizza delivered at 2am, plays video games all day, etc. That's not you is it?

Id get DH to speak to him qnd tell him straight how things are. From now on if you're staying you do your own washing, make your own food unless [OP] is making dinner and decides to make you some, and you adjust your attitude to be polite and kind to OP. If you can't do that then you will need to leave. If DH won't I would have the conversation myself, but slightly more politely ie given I am heavily pregnant and starting to struggle I just wanted to let you know I won't be doing XX any more for you.

You have a baby to prep for and think about, you don't need a man child. I cant believe you've gone along with any of it in the first place! If MIL or anyone complains about the above say my house, my rules, have him back if you want to baby him.

I might bake a cake prior to their arrival but I would definitely NOT be doing any of their laundry - they can take their skiddy pants home - and I’m certainly NOT buttering their toast.

No.

I certainly would if my guests were little kids. In my experience children are quite poor at laundry until at least double digits.

Please tell me this isn’t real because otherwise @Loyaltotheoilyou’re being treated like a mug!
I might say he can shove a load of washing in but I wouldn’t then iron and fold it for him!
I’d have laughed in his face if he’d told me to butter his toast and I’d have totally ignored MIL’s messages that he wants crepes.
When are you getting rid of this arrogant man child?

I'd butter toast for a guest if I was serving soup to everyone with a large shared pile of pre-buttered toast to eat with it.
No to the other things unless I was a Granny looking after my preschool grandchild for a couple of days (and even then I'd have them making the cake too!).

1. If they'd used the dryer and I needed their stuff out of the way, yes.
2. Yes if they asked and it was something I often made.
3. Yes as I serve toast hot and buttered.

How long has he been there, OP?

In your situation, with laundry, he can either run his own load, or your DH (who should be doing more if you are heavily pregnant) can run a general load at the weekend and pop BIL ‘s stuff into a basket out of the dryer, for him to sort, fold, hang, whatever

I don’t understand this at all. Is your MIL there to? Or is he sat in your kitchen, texting his mum to ask her to text and ask you to make him pancakes?