Have parents given up parenting

[Dearparents]

So I was just watching some news.
And apparently their is a rise in reception school children, that 1 in 4 children are not potty trained ,can't eat or drink independently and try to swipe pages in books.

Some parents are saying it's down to the teachers to teach these thing's.

Most say it's because their child has some sort of SEN.

It got me thinking of a family member that has 3 kids 3/4 and 5 that are all in nappies and sippy cups and all glued to a screens.
The 4 and 5 year old dont go to school as teachers said they have to be potty trained first.
I said to said family member the teacher is right, it's your job to parent ther job is to teach.
But im wrong apparently because her kids all have SEN.
I just see 3 normal kids that have not been taught the basics.

Now i do understand some children are unwell and can not do these things.

But im talking about kids that can but parents are playing on the sen to back out of parenting the basic things.
Am I wrong about it?

No school in the UK will say that because they can't refuse. It is discrimination.

I do as well or the parent should be called to change them

Really??

State schools are required to support children with toileting needs as all children are entitled to a state education. That's the law.

Children who require toileting support at school will have an intimate care plan as a minimum. My child really isn't anything unique or special, his school simply follow the law and know that I'm very aware of the law though they never tried to say he can't attend school due to his disability.

Luckily the school my son is going to have no problem with the possibility he still might be in pulls up by then.

Not sure which nurseries you’ve experienced but that sounds horrific. Nothing like our experience with a forest nursery, where kids have to be potty trained by the time they move from the outdoor toddler section into the ‘forest’ at 3yrs old. They have to be able to remove their own trousers/pull them up again, put on their own coats, use a (compost) toilet and follow safety instructions. Kids who have gone through from babies, as mine has, is supported full heartedly in learning all of these skills in preparation.

I appreciate this is not everyone’s experience but it’s terrifying to think of such a disparity in childcare settings.

And that support can be that the parent is called to change them. They can't refuse them to come into school but they can refuse to change the nappy.

You don't want to admit it, but you have Rose tinted glasses because you have actually received support. You are in the minority.

I also think that people use a child’s diagnosis of SEN to perhaps take their foot off the gas with expectations, because they have a reason and they don’t want to push anything as a result.

Whereas years ago, your undiagnosed ASD toddler needed to be toilet trained to go to school, so parents worked relentlessly to get it done, even if it was really bloody challenging, taking far longer than expected and didn’t seem to be going as smoothly as friends kids. There was no choice and no known reason for the issues arising, so the expectation was that it must happen. So they stuck it out because there was no “he has SEN” to fall back on (even if he did have SEN).
Some parents DO use their kids SEN as a reason. This might be because they find the backlash from the child distressing, rather than because of laziness, but it is having an impact on the expectations set for children.
As a result, we are seeing less kids reaching milestones at ages they have done previously.

The screen culture must also carry some of the blame here. It’s far too easy to stick your kid on a screen to shut them up for an hour while you get something done. Brain rot rather than human interaction. People are going to get less intelligent as time goes on.

No it can't because again, it goes against the policies schools should be following including that it is not acceptable to call parents to school to change their child.

All of this is made very clear in both the equality act 2010 and the children and families act 2014.

I don't have rose tinted glasses, I just know the law. Some schools will rely on some parents not knowing the law.

The law is irrelevant. You cannot force people to change nappies and they shouldn't provide intimate care without proper training anyway. The law says a lot of things, but staffing and funding are what makes the decisions.

Please don't tar all nurseries with the same brush. We take potty training very seriously and would never put a child back in a nappy.

Of course the law is relevant. Schools can't discriminate against disabled children no matter what reason.

As my MIL said the other day, if you could have your second child first, you wouldn't need to Google half as much as to how to parent your child.

Yes what would happen if they refused

i know my dm would have refused, she was a primary school teacher.

haven’t they got a recruitment crisis with TAs and teachers anyway, perhaps they should start refusing or calling parents to come in

I do think a fair few children are now using SEN as an excuse because parenting well is bloody hard work.
My very very noisy next door neighbour told others that their noise is because their 3-4 year old has ADHD. Said as a fact, not as a suspicion. ADHD isn't diagnosed until 6 on average as far as I know? Because the behaviour is the same as toddlers apparently.

I actually think it's a real shame that there are so many parents out there that seem to be setting up their children to fail. Not because of SEN (of which I would think required even more parenting skills), but because they cannot be bothered to do basics to set them up to do well in life.

Would it be assumed that nappies at age 4/5 = disability, even if that was the only sign/there was no diagnosis? I know a lot of SEN can't be diagnosed until the child is older. So can any child in nappies attend school, or only those who have a diagnosed disability?

Not a goady question, I'm just unsure how it works.

An iPad is waaaaaay more expensive than a book.

There should be more for sure. But that doesn’t mean teachers should be changing nappies.

Agree! My daughter's nursery were so supportive with her potty training and they actually urged a few parents to start potty training when they hadn't started by 3. Generalisations about all nurseries are awful as there are some absolutely amazing ones out there xx

My neighbour had a chat with a couple of the youngsters in her office (early 20's). Not read a book since school, never watched a film - openly admitting they can't concentrate or follow it. Everything is 2 min videos on youtube and tiktok. Generations of people are missing out on so much.

It is any child for exactly that reason. 4/5 is young for a diagnosis, especially now with how long waiting lists often are.

Schools supporting a child with genuine 'toileting needs' is a world away from teachers having to change nappies on children whose parents are too stupid and/or bone idle to toilet train their offspring.

Parents should be made to come into school each and every time their child needs changing, and do it themselves. If it's a massive inconvenience to them, well, tough.

I wish there was a way to pin this to the top of every thread that was started about children's development.
All the judgement needs to stop.

and how do you tell the difference at age 4? That's the issue which is why support with toileting needs applies to all children who start school requiring support.

Not to mention the fact that school have a duty of care to the child and leaving them sat in their own mess waiting for the parent isn't considered to be carrying out duty of care which is why it is frowned upon.

And do you know what they end up doing? Saying we don't have the facilities to help your child and that child is left without a school. As I said, you have rose tinted glasses.