How I’ve annoyed MIL to be

[Mummylove2026]

My future MIL pulled me today because she thinks I have been very difficult lately. DP is working away so I don’t want to tell him until
he's back.

Firstly, my baby is teething. I tried to give her a teething chew from the fridge to settle her but she wasn’t interested. MIL dipped her dummy in honey and said use this instead, I asked what was on it and she said nothing. I knew it had something on so I tasted it. DD is 4 months old so not only is honey unsafe, she’s not on anything but my breast milk yet and I don’t want her having sugar. She argued that I was being a spoilt brat and I will laugh when I look back this was then followed with ramblings about her having 3 kids and 4 grandkids already so she knows best.

I packed up to leave because I was annoyed and she said there you go again, always knowing best, let’s see who knows best when that baby has pneumonia because you won’t put their coat on in the car, another thing you will feel ridiculous about.

This then turned into a rant about how I just don’t listen. She listed things I’ve done recently including booking a holiday to somewhere she told me not to book (her friends have been and apparently it was awful because it was local food only and they had to travel 6 miles for an English bar), to me that’s a selling point. I won’t tell her a present idea she can get me for my birthday, I’m on maternity leave and don’t need anything so I suggested vouchers so I could take my baby out, apparently I will regret this. I’ve had my grandmothers white gold ring resized and a design change as my wedding ring, she thinks I should have got yellow gold so that it stands out because the rest of my jewellery is white gold, it will blend in and look ridiculous.

This morning I would have told you she’s opinionated but we get on great because she accepts what I say, this evening I don’t know what to think. I was speechless by her kitchen door holding my baby. It definitely felt like she had been holding it in, I don’t really know where to go from here. I will probably let DP speak to her but I am going to tell him I won’t be going again alone, she needs reminding that I’m entitled to an opinion and that I expect an apology.

don't visit her without your DH again.

That is all

MIL sounds a nightmare!! She should apologise if she wants to repair your relationship…. and this comes from a MIL!

God, she’s poisonous and immature. Calling you a brat? Lying about the honey? Totally unacceptable.

Sounds like your FIL is a good man.

Most of your posts are difficult to comprehend.

You say young parents whittle on about silly things, and will be embarrassed in the future. Most would say potential botulism and car deaths ARE big deals. Then you say “beautifully put” to a grandmother who follows her DD’s wishes to a tee, and accepts that guidance has changed massively from when she had her babies.

You don’t really seem to have a coherent argument, and seem more intent on commenting for the sake of commenting

I hate how in every other aspect of life people accept that best practice changes, that we amass enough data about things to change how we used to do them, etc. But when it comes to parenting it’s the most offensive thing in the world to someone that 30-odd years down the line from when they had a newborn you might have knowledge to suggest not to do things they would’ve then. I would’ve been FUMING about the honey. She might think you’ve been difficult (which you haven’t by the way), but she’s been dangerous. Does she wanna whip out the pre-1990s gripe water than had like 3% alcohol in it or something because that worked for her too? 😮‍💨

I think you’ll find every post I’ve made agreed this mil needs to learn it’s not her child and not her choices any longer. The poster I said ‘beautifully put’ to followed her daughter’s instructions’ even when she thought they were silly’. No generation has it perfectly sorted. We are all doing our best.

TL:DR mil needs to get on with it and do as dil asks. Not everything the current generation thinks is ‘set in stone perfect parenting’ will stand the test of time as they’ll realise as they age.

My mil (nc now, not because of this) gave my newborn honey when I went for a wee on their dummy and tried to then give her at 8 months old a fucking wine gum. Used to complain about me not giving her water when she was a few hours old. All that kind of shit.
We lived semi rurally at the time and she asked could she take baby out for a walk in her pram and I agreed but explained that she couldn’t take the pram a certain route. Long story short she went exactly the way I said to not go, she got the pram stuck, broke the prams front wheels and almost got the pram hit by a car. All because she knew better than me. DH stopped her ever being alone with baby after that. She didn’t tell me about the car, the neighbour who almost ploughed into my baby did.

I had a MIL like this and my exh was too spineless to say anything. She was unbearable. The only thing that worked for me was divorce! 😂

She sounds dreadful not only rude to you but ignorant too, giving honey to a baby under 12 months old could be dangerous.
I would try and keep away from her and as you say only see her with your partner. How well foes he get on with her?

What things?
I am not a young parent I have grandchildren and to be honest I think my children's generation are much better and more informed parents than we were.

I’m a paternal grandmother so in her shoes.
I would have written exactly the same as Maybeitllneverhappen and thank her for it.
A couple of the beliefs my DS and DiL have I don’t agree with but my job is to zip my lip and defer to them as it’s their children and their rules. If I want to see my DGC I have to abide by their principles.
Luckily your future FiL and your DP are seriously advocating for you. That’s key.
Times have changed and she needs to shut up, listen to you, and endorse your, not her, parenting skills. She cannot enjoy your role when you’re not there without supporting you fully. This all reflects very badly on her.
I think it would hurt more if your DP didn’t hold her to account. Let silence speak for you. Leave her to sweat and your future FiL to reprimand her to effect a change.

I don't think you need to argue back with her...your dh should just be very clear that she should keep her opinions to herself. Why are you explaining yourself to this madwoman? She obviously doesn't want to hear it. Save your energy for you, your baby and dh.

in addition to this, it’s my baby. If I want to whittle on I can because I’m her mother, but I shouldn’t have to whittle because they are my decisions. In years to come I might not be bothered about some aspects…. But MIL is choosing to make things into problems. Just because I might not be bothered in future doesn’t mean she should dictate the decisions I make now.

Some people assume intelligence comes with age and that they automatically know best because they are older.

You’re probably a cooler head and perhaps a better person than me op, she’d have got a very swift ‘fuck off’ from me long before she reached the end of her ranting bile. How dare she be so rude to you?! Nothing you have done is wrong, she’s just wanting to throw her weight around and be billy big bollocks calling the shots with everything in her life. Glad you’ve got both FIL and DH on your side, at least you’re not on your own against the twit. She would never be looking after my child without me there, and frankly I’m not sure I’d want to be around her full stop.

And everything I’ve said encourages you to carry on your whittling.

Your mil needs to support that whittle even when - as others have said- she thinks it’s silly.

your child your choice and she’ll always be its grandmother even if she never becomes an actual mil because of her and your choices over this episode.

It's wittering. Whittling is something you do with wood.

To whittle means to carve or shape wood by shaving off small pieces with a knife, often as a pastime or to create art, but it also means to gradually reduce or eliminate something (like "whittling down" costs) or, in dialect, to worry or complain. It's a form of woodcarving using a knife, but can also refer to the act of paring down a budget, or even the process of making someone excited.

She's a cunt. On top of all the behaviour you describe, lying about anything to do with the baby, let alone something against guidelines like honey, would be a red flag for me and I'd stop seeing her, or at least stop seeing her with the baby.

Also, can people lay off sniping at the OP for her spelling and her posting style?

Your FIL is a gem 🥰

Glad your FIL and DP are on side! She sounds like a nightmare. I'd make it clear that unless she respects your boundaries she'll not be seeing much of her grandchild and especially not alone. My MIL didn't respect our boundaries many times and we're now LC with her!

I'm from East Anglia and whittling is both meanings.

DP is home and has a list of what she said and is currently writing the facts for each point. Although at the bottom there looks to be a selection of things he has titled not your business and the wedding ring is on there along with a few other bits I haven’t put on here (too outing because I’ve mentioned to others)

I don’t think it helps that DPs sisters are happy to just do as they are told so will have just followed whatever advice given by her and assumed it was correct.

MIL can sod off OP. She might see herself as "head of the family" but she has no rights over you or your baby so she can just do one until she has learned her place. People will only treat you as you let them so let her get away with nothing. She is spiteful and vindictive neither of those add anything to your life so drop her at your will! She will only have herself to blame ..who does she think she is treating you so badly? Nah enough she blew it. I wouldn't give her a second chance, once is enough. You are a new mum and with that comes a certain vulnerability.she should be on your side not attacking you like this.Don't put up with it. You do not need the hassle.

He doesn’t need to refute or explain any decision it’s not her business .

Your DH sounds ace, as does your FIL. They totally have your back. I love a silent but quietly rebellious FIL 😂