How I’ve annoyed MIL to be

[Mummylove2026]

My future MIL pulled me today because she thinks I have been very difficult lately. DP is working away so I don’t want to tell him until
he's back.

Firstly, my baby is teething. I tried to give her a teething chew from the fridge to settle her but she wasn’t interested. MIL dipped her dummy in honey and said use this instead, I asked what was on it and she said nothing. I knew it had something on so I tasted it. DD is 4 months old so not only is honey unsafe, she’s not on anything but my breast milk yet and I don’t want her having sugar. She argued that I was being a spoilt brat and I will laugh when I look back this was then followed with ramblings about her having 3 kids and 4 grandkids already so she knows best.

I packed up to leave because I was annoyed and she said there you go again, always knowing best, let’s see who knows best when that baby has pneumonia because you won’t put their coat on in the car, another thing you will feel ridiculous about.

This then turned into a rant about how I just don’t listen. She listed things I’ve done recently including booking a holiday to somewhere she told me not to book (her friends have been and apparently it was awful because it was local food only and they had to travel 6 miles for an English bar), to me that’s a selling point. I won’t tell her a present idea she can get me for my birthday, I’m on maternity leave and don’t need anything so I suggested vouchers so I could take my baby out, apparently I will regret this. I’ve had my grandmothers white gold ring resized and a design change as my wedding ring, she thinks I should have got yellow gold so that it stands out because the rest of my jewellery is white gold, it will blend in and look ridiculous.

This morning I would have told you she’s opinionated but we get on great because she accepts what I say, this evening I don’t know what to think. I was speechless by her kitchen door holding my baby. It definitely felt like she had been holding it in, I don’t really know where to go from here. I will probably let DP speak to her but I am going to tell him I won’t be going again alone, she needs reminding that I’m entitled to an opinion and that I expect an apology.

She sounds very forthright.

I'd cool seeing her for a while and give her time to relax a bit. Let your partner deal with any fallout.

The honey isn't acceptable and is against NHS guidance. It is also a sign she ignores you if she think she knows best.

she sounds unhinged OP, I’m sorry. Forget the apology that will just draw her back in and put oil on the fire. Create some distance. And I’d be having words with husband to be so that he’s on your page with this. Your mother in law is way too involved

Stop going to see her. Let DP see her. She sounds awful.

Uuurghh. Do not return any time soon.

Don’t ever let her look after your child on her own!

It has really taken me by surprise. I can’t see the issue with each problem she highlighted, although I’m the trouble causer so why would I 😂? DP is flying back tomorrow, he has an important/high stress meeting first thing so I’m not mentioning it before.

I had already decided that I won’t be.

Whenever we leave her house she asks for her coat and we repeatedly explain the car seat not needing one, I have even sent her a video and told her a (fake) story about someone I know who had their kid in a coat and had a crash in the hope it would shut her up. She once said we fasten the straps too tight too, my child would probably be safer in her boot she ignores than many safety rules.

She’s not safe to be around your child then. Just because MOST children don’t die or suffer life changing injuries from being in a car crash / eating uncut grapes / being laid to sleep on their stomach / contracting botulism from honey etc., doesn’t mean it’s ok to ignore the safety guidance - which is there because CHILDREN DIED! Honestly she sounds genuinely stupid, not just ill-educated, but actually stupid, and that is dangerous.

It sounds like she’d been waiting for your DP to be away to ambush you. Tell your DP everything and demand that apology OP - don’t let her think she has any power over you. And honestly, let her think you’re difficult. Who cares? Difficult in her eyes just means impossible to push around. Own it.

This post absolutely nails it.

It sounds as if you're good at ignoring her "suggestions" so keep on with that. I mean, who tells people they shouldn't have the wedding ring they want?! As for the honey thing, she lied to you and was also out of order. You are right not to give the baby sugar.

I hope your DP can tell her to back off. I wouldn't expect an apology. She sounds as if she's trying to put you in your place and won't think she's done anything wrong, but can learn to keep her opinions to herself, until you ask for them. It's a shame that she can't see she's alienating you. I'd be keeping my distance.

Life is so much easier going LC or NC with these types. I'm NC with my MIL and life is good.

She has too much time on her hands, and within her group of friends they are quite bitchy. They have had some parties in the past I was invited to and as a group all of the ones with sons would bitch about their daughter in laws, I thought I was lucky that she didn’t do the same about me but I think I misjudged it and she probably does.

The more I think about it the more I remember, she’s always got something to say about someone, she has a large group of friends but one has always wronged her and then a week later it is forgotten and it is someone else.

I’m sure my MIL is annoyed virtually every time I breathe or speak, and thinks I’m a dreadful wife and an appalling mother, but as I’m genuinely not bothered, and am quite fond of her, despite her monumental bossiness and tactlessness, it’s never occurred to me to give it a second thought.

I think my fondness has gone. The “issues” aren’t anything that impacts her so there was no reason for her annoyance, I also don’t like her approach of waiting for my partner to not be there. She very much is “head of the family” so I think it was me being put in my place.

She argued that I was being a spoilt brat

I just read to here. I wouldn't be spending any time with her any more. DH can take baby round if he wants.

DH can take baby round if he wants.

So she can feed the poor baby honey and whatever else she fancies? Nope.

Don't see her on your own again, and don't send the baby there without you. It needs to be both of you, or just pull back entirely from seeing her. I can't stand people who override boundaries, it's never a good sign.

Don't spend any time with her. She's a crank. I'd be reluctant for my child to see her at all. She thinks she knows best about everything but her information is outdated. Everyone knows babies shouldn't have honey. I'm surprised she didn't try rubbing whiskey onto you child's gums.

But bluntly, so what? Why does her negative opinion matter to you? You know you’re right about honey and car seats.

I mean, I only mentioned my (slight) lingering fondness for my MIL because it’s not reciprocal. She dislikes and disapproves of me, but I’m not bothered by it. She also views herself as matriarch (she’s the eldest of 13, and had six children herself, so the family is huge), but that’s her view. I don’t need to buy into it.

What I’m saying is ‘Why do you care?’

She is making a monumental mistake as you hold all the cards here in reality (access to her granddaughter). In your position I would tell DH what happened and then just not contact her, ignore her if she contacts you.
No doubt she will go mad and try to enlist your husband against you and then I would graciously agree to meet with her maybe once per month in the presence of your husband. Providing she can behave herself.
If husband is agreeable I'd try to avoid him going to see with her with DD alone too - would he accept this? Could he be trusted to push back on her behaviour as you do? She is not safe, she lies.

Oh blimey, I was going to suggest sending her some info on the coat in car seat dangers, but you've already done that!

She sounds like an insufferable twat. Definitely detach.

The honey on the dummy would have done it for me, that would now mean I don’t trust her with my child.

She’s forgotten it’s your child not hers but she’s so correct that some of the things young parents feel are hills to die on -raising kids wise -will in a few years seem ridiculous to you as you age. All any of us can do is observe these behaviours and hope we will do better. I don’t think it’s worth massive rows or no contact but maybe a gentle cooling while she learns she can’t push you around.

I would withdraw from seeing her unless absolutely necessary. Ie Christmas and birthdays. Life is too short to spend it with nasty people like her.

Wait until your DH get homes. You’ll have had time to work out exactly how you want to have a relationship with his family
moving forward. He can see her but you’ll need to agree that he doesn’t allow her to look after your children and he isn’t to be pushed around by her.

Firstly it is very dangerous to have a coat on a baby in a car seat. Ignore her.