I’m close to requesting the GP sign me off work - Meeting on Monday with manager and I need advice

[BlueOtter9]

I’ve stepped into an acting leadership role at work nearly a year ago. Since then, I’ve been dealing with ongoing issues with my line manager where:

• My authority is frequently bypassed
• meetings are held without me
• My trainee goes above me and complains. This then results in my line manager attending meetings with my deputy to reinforce her authority
• Decisions affecting my work are made without my involvement
• Meetings with directors are arranged and I’m expected to attend to rectify a problem she doesn’t leave me a chance to solve
• I am being coached by a director and I’ve been compliant but it feels like another stick to beat me with
• Expectations are changed retrospectively
• Concerns are raised about me indirectly rather than addressed with me
• I implement changes I’m told to. Then I’m told I’ve done it wrong. E.g I made a change, implemented it as told, planned and delivered this to the team, team delivered this info, trainee complains it’s wrong, manager emails me Friday evening to tell me she needs to be in my meeting with my deputy to reinforce expectations and this would have never happened if I liaised with X but I was never told to. I can’t automatically know these things when I’m being encouraged to work with so many others and be coached by one staff member and then plan with another separate colleague at deputy director level. It’s too confusing.
• Multiple senior people are pulled into situations without clear process and I’m forced to comply and look like an idiot.
• the trainee has a strong relationship with my line manager so if I raise concerns they’re dismissed but if she raises them, she complies.
• I have a health investigation happening related to the c word. It’s stressful and my capacity to complete work is different and also I’m not emotionally regulating. I asked for a OH referral for adjustments. This was dismissed and I was told to meet with HR and use the portal online.

I’ve tried to handle things professionally, but the situation has become increasingly stressful. I’ve disclosed health concerns related to anxiety, yet the pressure and monitoring have only increased. I’m now at the point where it’s affecting my sleep, weekends, and general wellbeing.

I’ve involved my union and I’m exploring other job opportunities, but emotionally I feel drained and stuck in survival mode. I’m hoping this chapter of my life closes soon and that I can regain some peace of mind.

I have a meeting on Monday and it’s ruining my weekend I can’t stop thinking about how I’ll be torn into and undermined in front of my deputy. I need advice please. What do I do? Union said push back and tell her you’ll handle the meeting. She won’t listen. She’ll arrive anyway. She’s rude. Undermines me. Speaks to me through gritted teeth like I’m stupid. Never praises me for the work I’ve implemented just chastises me.

help?

Getting signed off sick is just kicking the can down the road.

All these problems and possibly more, will still be there when you return.

Find another job. Why are you allowing this shitshow of poor professional behaviour make you miserable. No job is worth that.

Rather than being signed off, I'd spend the weekend updating my cv and browsing Indeed.

Can your union rep attend the meeting with you?

Don't go to work on Monday, get a GP appointment and get a fit note for a couple of weeks. Your job sounds untenable and you need to leave. Use your time off work to practise self care and look for another job. No career is worth this level of stress and unhappiness. A sympathetic GP will sign you off with work related stress.

Agree with this

This!

It’s breaking me. I’m having panic attacks on my way in. The issue is I am adamant that I dont want her to “win” I know this sounds silly but I’m mapping a grievance with my union rep. I feel backed into a corner constantly. Crying to my family on a weekly basis nearly and my sleep being ruined.

I just need to keep looking for another job, praying something comes through then map my grievance out. I’m convinced she just wants me to have a breakdown.

Get signed off then make arrangements with Occ Health to discuss what happens next. DH has been signed off with stress by the GP and OH has contacted him and said he's still not fit to return. Five months now....

Currently searching. Cv is updated. Applications have been made. Just the waiting game. She hates me and I’ll never understand why. I do everything I’m told. I do my best and something else always comes up.

Im not able to go off sick as yet as in my profession it impacts my ability to access full pay if my GP signs me off. I’m going to have to go to my meeting on Monday but then slowly plan my way out. I just really need some advice on how to approach the meeting. Union said push back tell her no but she’ll get worse.

Bastards refused my OH request.

Go online NOW, and make a private GP appointment, they will give you a sick note for stress/anxiety. This isn’t false since it’s exactly how you’re feeling.

Immediately, you will feel lighter. That will give you the energy to update your cv and apply for a better job, where your skills will be appreciated.

Good luck OP.

@user1476613140 says. Once you’ve been signed off for a certain amount of time, their OH will contact you.

I’m desperate to get signed off. My fear is:

1. pay because I have a mortgage
2. finding something in my full pay timeline

i

First of all— can you step back down and explain that this acting leadership post is too inconsistent?

Then, outline the issues listed above with your manager and explain that you need clear support and transparency. Insist that everything is written down, emailed and recorded so you can clarify if you weren't notified of something.

Basically, throw the issues back at your manager. Try and develop the thickest skin possible and remember its very hard to sack someone so what they gonna do. Easier said than done I know, just sick of idiots stirring and manipulating situations in the workplace.

Take care 💐

Please don't try and get even, get revenge, or get these people to acknowledge they are in the wrong, It's not going to happen. You work in a toxic environment and you need to get out with your sanity intact. You can take legal steps towards a constructive dismissal claim retrospectively. Seriously, the only way you are going to win, at the moment, is to leave and get another job. Don't play into their hands and try to beat them at their own game, people like this know what they are doing.

i do have Bupa health cover so I’ll contact them now actually

You’re so right. So no grievance? Just get out?

Not RTFT but I was thinking the same thing. This sounds like constructive dismissal to me OP (not that I'm an expert on these things so I may be wrong) and no job is worth this level of stress.

If you do attend the meeting, I agree with pp that having a union rep with you would be a good move if possible.

If you quit couldn't you make a case for constructive dismissal?

I think you posted a few weeks ago ago the OH referral being declined.
Did you follow the advice to see HR and what support they can offer?
At that time you were citing the C word, but assume no further forward in diagnosis? Generally if there is a strong chance they are very quick to move the referrals forward.
Can you explain what you mean by being signed off affects yours sick pay? What is your sick policy?

If I were you I would take some time off, as previous posters have recommended.

In addition, while you are waiting to get your new job and leave, I wonder whether you can remove at least some of the stress by changing your approach slightly. You mentioned wanting to win -

I’ve had to change my approach which means accepting being spoken to through gritted teeth. Nodding that I’m wrong. Allowing her to walk all over me.

union said not to attend meeting without representation. The hr team have mo healthcare knowledge so they’re in no place to advise. Also, with ref to this I have a procedure planned as per the consultant request. The letter just doesn’t seem to have got to me and I’m chasing it daily.

At the end of the day, what you want out of this current employer is a good reference, nothing more. So focus on that. It might be that you get it by sticking it out, and playing along for 12 weeks or whatever until you find the next post. Or it might be that you need to negotiate this with the help of your union rep, as it seems possible your employer is trying to manage you out. If this is the case then it can be part your agreement to resign. I worked at the job centre for a couple of years as a new claims advisor and for those who had won a grievance or tribunal case against their previous employer, I would say it took more out of them than they gained in any financial recompense in most cases.

Winning is a better job, OP.

Don’t go off sick until you need time for interviews. The next job will know you scarpered when the going got rough if you claim stress now.

Admit it when you’re wrong - be strong enough to take criticism and improve. That’s an essential of any job. Changing makes you a better person not a weak one.

You have been wrong - that Friday email doesn’t sound helpful to the team at all.

Focus on your performance, not your feelings. Spoiler: You’re not being paid to have feelings.