I’m close to requesting the GP sign me off work - Meeting on Monday with manager and I need advice

[BlueOtter9]

I’ve stepped into an acting leadership role at work nearly a year ago. Since then, I’ve been dealing with ongoing issues with my line manager where:

• My authority is frequently bypassed
• meetings are held without me
• My trainee goes above me and complains. This then results in my line manager attending meetings with my deputy to reinforce her authority
• Decisions affecting my work are made without my involvement
• Meetings with directors are arranged and I’m expected to attend to rectify a problem she doesn’t leave me a chance to solve
• I am being coached by a director and I’ve been compliant but it feels like another stick to beat me with
• Expectations are changed retrospectively
• Concerns are raised about me indirectly rather than addressed with me
• I implement changes I’m told to. Then I’m told I’ve done it wrong. E.g I made a change, implemented it as told, planned and delivered this to the team, team delivered this info, trainee complains it’s wrong, manager emails me Friday evening to tell me she needs to be in my meeting with my deputy to reinforce expectations and this would have never happened if I liaised with X but I was never told to. I can’t automatically know these things when I’m being encouraged to work with so many others and be coached by one staff member and then plan with another separate colleague at deputy director level. It’s too confusing.
• Multiple senior people are pulled into situations without clear process and I’m forced to comply and look like an idiot.
• the trainee has a strong relationship with my line manager so if I raise concerns they’re dismissed but if she raises them, she complies.
• I have a health investigation happening related to the c word. It’s stressful and my capacity to complete work is different and also I’m not emotionally regulating. I asked for a OH referral for adjustments. This was dismissed and I was told to meet with HR and use the portal online.

I’ve tried to handle things professionally, but the situation has become increasingly stressful. I’ve disclosed health concerns related to anxiety, yet the pressure and monitoring have only increased. I’m now at the point where it’s affecting my sleep, weekends, and general wellbeing.

I’ve involved my union and I’m exploring other job opportunities, but emotionally I feel drained and stuck in survival mode. I’m hoping this chapter of my life closes soon and that I can regain some peace of mind.

I have a meeting on Monday and it’s ruining my weekend I can’t stop thinking about how I’ll be torn into and undermined in front of my deputy. I need advice please. What do I do? Union said push back and tell her you’ll handle the meeting. She won’t listen. She’ll arrive anyway. She’s rude. Undermines me. Speaks to me through gritted teeth like I’m stupid. Never praises me for the work I’ve implemented just chastises me.

help?

union said not to attend meeting without representation

Follow this advice!

See above. Constructive dismissal claims rarely win and they are hugely stressful. The only bit of the advice I agree with (from a professional position of having dealt with these situations for over 20 years) is that OP needs to protect her sanity and mental health.

This.

OP, I was in a very similar sounding situation to you from about 2015 to 2018. It obliterated my mental health and made me physically quite ill - indeed, I still have some physical symptoms left over from that time.
I wish, in hindsight, I'd had the nerve to quit a lot sooner than I did. I didn't though, I stayed, hoping it would get better, hoping I could make the so-called improvements required.
In the end, I lost my dad very suddenly, and that seemed to give me the push I needed to realise that life was too short to be so actively miserable at work.

I quit completely out of the blue in July 2018, rather surprising myself! I was sat in yet another meeting and just found myself going, "you know what? I'm going to think about it overnight, but I think I'm going to hand in my notice in the morning." And I did.

I've since gone on to have the happiest 7 years of my life.

I would ring in sick this week with a virus, to give yourself some time to work out what you want to do, and space to clear your head.

There is a lot to unpick here, I would start with the current issue that the meeting is about and then deal with everything else. The first thing to establish, is was what you delivered incorrect? If so, the trainee was right to raise concerns, but needs to be told the appropriate way to do this rather than going directly to your manager. If she does the same next time she has a concern, then you would need to remind her that she has followed the incorrect process again. Follow this up in an email. If you are managing her then it is your job to ensure she is following the correct processes.

Then I would compose an email to your kind manager regarding the other issues, and request a reply. Give examples. When you are writing it, think about the following:
Do you feel that you have the ability to do your leadership role to a good standard? Do you have a job description with roles and responsibilities? Are you meeting these? You say that you couldn’t be expected to know that you needed to liaise with X, but surely after a year in your role you should know this? If not, highlight the reasons why. Do you require extra training to enable you to do your role to the required standard? Are you already meeting these required standard? Give examples. I suspect you won’t get a helpful response, so then raise it with her manager.

If you are doing your job competently then I wouldn’t be in a rush to leave. I was given a leadership role in a previous career, but it was a new job within the company, designed to take the pressure off higher managers. It took me a long time to implement different processes to raise concerns etc as staff were used to going straight to the manager above me. She was also a dick and liked to roll her eyes in management meetings and say that it was stuff I should be dealing with. I developed some very clear processes and pulled staff members up in supervision if they didn’t follow them, and eventually things improved.

Being signed off for stress/stress related issues (or however the GP chooses to rephrase it, if avoiding the 'stress' word) is absolutely a medical issue and a GP matter. Your post is unkind and unnecessary to a poster in a state of distress, stress and deep anxiety

I would ring in sick this week with a virus,

but that's not true and if the OP lies about the reality of this situation it will harm their ability to demonstrate through the assessment of their GP that they are suffering from workplace stress (which should be highlighted in the context of their grievance if they choose to lodge one.)

Organisations are absolutely allowed to give bad references where justified. In fact, organisations could be legally liable for giving a (false) good reference for an employee they, say, dismissed for gross misconduct consisting of dishonesty or violence in the workplace.

The likely reality in today's workplace is that references tend to be bland statements such as 'X worked in Y company in Z role for [three years]. Her final salary was £ [ ]'

Absolutely this

OP, no job is making yourself unwell over. You can want to "win" all you like but the reality is that you can't make an organisation run differently unless you own it. Management are undermining you and once that happens, the relationship is broken beyond repair. They're not respecting you.

I agree that getting signed off is kicking the can down the road, and personally I think it makes you look the weaker party. Spend today updating your CV, get job hunting and walk away with your head held high. Life's seriously too short

Sorry - didn't mean to suggest that constructive dismissal claims aren't stressful!! Just that a grievance procedure would be insanity but that if OP can't let go of 'getting even' and this colouring her approach, perhaps it would help her to know she can let go of a grievance procedure now in the knowledge that she has a brief window after her departure consider a constructive dismissal claim ...

Yes, get signed off then get going to leave ASAP, grievance procedures are stressful in of themselves - you are putting yourself through extra stress for nothing, even if you "win" you will still end up leaving, the bastards will keep on going regardless - the real win is getting out and recovering your health.

Another here to support being signed off

Martyring yourself to the detriment of your own health is not winning

Being signed off with stress from this complicated situation is taking care of yourself. Nothing wrong with having some breathing space and to plan your grievance and job hunting

i wish you well

im inexperienced with work politics

but- you need to get this whole episode behind you and as quickly as you can. This is the only win you need to worry about.

no point with battles and grievances. It’s not worth it. You need to find a new job. Something fun if possible. Good luck

Which won’t get anywhere if she can’t evidence an attempt to fix the issue and she would need a “last straw” event which made staying utterly untenable.

I stand corrected - I must be confusing policy where I work with law.

OP - I agree you should rely in your union. There is some ACAS info about references available too https://www.acas.org.uk/providing-a-job-reference/what-employers-can-say-in-a-reference

I fully disagree that you shouldn’t take any time off sick as you sound like you are at the end of your tether and need the time to plan next steps, recover a bit etc so you can be stronger when you do have difficult meetings on your return a self cert week is neither here nor there, I would take it

Forget “winning”. Just get out of there as soon as you possibly can. It sounds utterly toxic.

Follow your union's advice. They have a lot of experience. Make it clear that you are happy to leave if they reach a settlement with you including a reference.

Your LM and trainee want you gone, so let them pay you to go.

I'm so sorry this is being done to you.

Why have you been on temporary promotion / acting up for almost one year? Surely your employer should be advertising the role and appointing based on fair and open competition.

If you are being investigated for cancer and you have Bupa surely you should have seen a consultant and started having investigations promptly.

I think you need a different role and need to focus on that. You won’t win and I have rarely seen someone benefit long term from pursuing a grievance. You may win in the short term but it is likely to come at a huge personal cost.

Yes. I second thisadvice

Not quite the extreme you are dealing with but i had a toxic work environment. They close ranks and make you look bad.

By all means get signed off to have some breathing and thinking space but longer term I would suggest that you beging making plans to find another job. It won't change other than to get worse. I worked in a job with similar issues and had a terrible time. Ironically it was a national charity whose warm and caring public persona was light years away from its toxic, badly managed and bullying reality.

Similar happened to me some years ago. It is workplace bullying plain and simple. Document and time stamp all instances, keep written copies of everything, get signed off sick. You’ll feel the stress fall away as soon as you do. I sued for bullying and constructive dismissal and won. ChatGPT is helpful. Good luck

I can tell who on this post has actually been in this position just by the replies.
Taking up a grievance is honestly not worth your time and effort. Move on.

Get signed off asap and look for another job. Bad references are very rarely given these days as it can create a lot of liability for the company, they would have to prove any issues were all due to incompetence so they are nearly always left quite bland and only have accurate details in them like salary or how long you worked for the company.

It's very obvious from your post you are unwell. I look back when I was in that position and only wish someone had knocked sense into me and I'd done what I'm advising you.

There are ways a potential employer can gather information regarding sickness absence. Here’s the government guidance
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5d53cda640f0b6098d57dad5/Questions_about_disability_and_health_after_a_job_offer_has_been_made.pdf

You don’t need to be signed off work. You need to find a new job.

Have you made any attempt to adress the issues with your management?

Are you in the civil service, you reference deputy director, what grade are you?

To me, it doesn’t sound like they want you there. The issue you have is responsibility without the responsibility if that makes sense, your remit isn’t clear - and it seems like your deputy is the one your director wants in your role, not you. So if you don’t have the authority and autonomy, you’ll never succeed in role.

going off sick is a nuclear option in your head, but I’m going to be honest with you. They. Are. Already. Attempting. To. Get. Rid. Of. You. Read it slowly and digest it. They are setting the scene for a performance or capability dismissal, the longer you stay in role, the more evidence they will gather. Going off sick, is the only way you can protect yourself.