I’m close to requesting the GP sign me off work - Meeting on Monday with manager and I need advice

[BlueOtter9]

I’ve stepped into an acting leadership role at work nearly a year ago. Since then, I’ve been dealing with ongoing issues with my line manager where:

• My authority is frequently bypassed
• meetings are held without me
• My trainee goes above me and complains. This then results in my line manager attending meetings with my deputy to reinforce her authority
• Decisions affecting my work are made without my involvement
• Meetings with directors are arranged and I’m expected to attend to rectify a problem she doesn’t leave me a chance to solve
• I am being coached by a director and I’ve been compliant but it feels like another stick to beat me with
• Expectations are changed retrospectively
• Concerns are raised about me indirectly rather than addressed with me
• I implement changes I’m told to. Then I’m told I’ve done it wrong. E.g I made a change, implemented it as told, planned and delivered this to the team, team delivered this info, trainee complains it’s wrong, manager emails me Friday evening to tell me she needs to be in my meeting with my deputy to reinforce expectations and this would have never happened if I liaised with X but I was never told to. I can’t automatically know these things when I’m being encouraged to work with so many others and be coached by one staff member and then plan with another separate colleague at deputy director level. It’s too confusing.
• Multiple senior people are pulled into situations without clear process and I’m forced to comply and look like an idiot.
• the trainee has a strong relationship with my line manager so if I raise concerns they’re dismissed but if she raises them, she complies.
• I have a health investigation happening related to the c word. It’s stressful and my capacity to complete work is different and also I’m not emotionally regulating. I asked for a OH referral for adjustments. This was dismissed and I was told to meet with HR and use the portal online.

I’ve tried to handle things professionally, but the situation has become increasingly stressful. I’ve disclosed health concerns related to anxiety, yet the pressure and monitoring have only increased. I’m now at the point where it’s affecting my sleep, weekends, and general wellbeing.

I’ve involved my union and I’m exploring other job opportunities, but emotionally I feel drained and stuck in survival mode. I’m hoping this chapter of my life closes soon and that I can regain some peace of mind.

I have a meeting on Monday and it’s ruining my weekend I can’t stop thinking about how I’ll be torn into and undermined in front of my deputy. I need advice please. What do I do? Union said push back and tell her you’ll handle the meeting. She won’t listen. She’ll arrive anyway. She’s rude. Undermines me. Speaks to me through gritted teeth like I’m stupid. Never praises me for the work I’ve implemented just chastises me.

help?

I’d do this, but I’d also see legal advice as to whether I have a constructive dismissal claim.

I think submitting a grievance could help OP & her union in negotiating a settlement figure but going all the way with it is just adding to her stress load.

Moving to a leadership role was the worst mistake I've ever made... Different issues than you, but same level of shit from my incompetent control freak twat of a director.

Been there 5 years now (2 kids and one on the way, so needed to stay for the benefits and pay), and as this is my last kid I'm finally looking to go back to a non-management role after my mat leave.

Unless there is a possibility your manager will leave soon, then just go somewhere else. Look for opportunities within your current company if you can.

In terms of complaint, you could start with an informal chat with HR to see how they respond. Explain your difficulties with clear examples, and how you tried to address them.
When I tried this, it didn't really go anywhere for me because ultimately shit management isn't a legal problem. All they did was offer support to improve communication with my director, because ultimately he is the decision maker for the department, so I'm required to adapt as long as he's being supported by management.

If you do have 'C' i would put in a grievance against this person and say you will not be attending any more of these bully meetings until YOUR grievence is dealt with, i would also email CEO and say you have C and have been denied OH

You can’t “ask to be signed off”

GPs have become much stricter in signing people off.

Can you just step back down to your old role and stop acting up?? Just give them what they want and restore your peace.

Let them THINK they've won, but you will know it's your choice and they're all welcome to each other - I bet whoever steps in / up will find the sh1tshow continues.

There isn’t really much difference in either of these routes.

To me, you raise a grievance if you want to stay in the company. If you’re intending to leave, what’s the point in raising one?

secondly, you only go off sick under these circumstances if you’re intending to leave the company. Cause you know your sick record is going to be used against you in an environment like this.

so ultimately to me, both of your options are the same. You go off sick, use that time to get a new job, leave. Whether you put a grievance in is immaterial because your focus needs to be on applying for jobs and getting out of there.

It sounds like a lot and you also have your own health issues and investigations.

if you need time take some, are you going to regret it ?

Leadership roles are not for everyone and that is ok. But have conversations and discussions relating to where communication is poor for line manager.

it is difficult if relationships with a line manager is poor. If there are things that are not ok seek support from. The Union.

Put requests for occupational health in writing and question why they were rejected. Talk to ACAS and union if you feel there is unfair treatment.

You absolutely can, I went to see my GP last year and was signed off at my request. Then I was given another line supporting a phased return, at my request.

Perhaps your GP has more important things to be doing on a Monday morning. Seeing sick people perhaps. You can sign yourself off sick for the first 5 working days of an illness- Oh I forgot you're not actually unwell!

Having been in a toxic work place in the past, here's my thoughts and a few things I did:

I wrote a letter raising a grievance. A meeting was arranged with HR. I didn't have a union but a work colleague accompanied me.

I saw the GP and got signed off.

I consulted a solicitor. The first half an hour or so is free with some. She was great. She advised me, amongst other things, to document every conversation that took place with my employer and email a copy back to him to confirm details of our conversations. A paper trail is important. The employer then has the opportunity to correct any misunderstandings in writing, or if your LM speaks to you about the content of your email, you confirm details of your latest conversation in writing again and so on. Document everything.

You may have legal assistance with your house insurance. Use it for advice too.

It sounds as though the relationship between you and your employer may have irretrievably broken down, in which case you can look for another job, walk away, go for constructive dismissal or negotiate a settlement to leave.

I know that you are feeling down, I know how hard it is to keep walking into that situation every day. Empower yourself. Know that you have options. Speak to the right people and start taking action. Accept that you may not be in the job for much longer, one way or another, take back some control over how you leave.

Good luck.

Put a formal complaint in about her to HR

You only have the legal right to be accompanied at Grievance hearings or any meeting which may result in disciplinary action. Otherwise, you can request a rep but employer has right to decline.

How long have you worked there? You only have the right to raise a Constructive Dismissal claim if you have over 2 years length of service. It’s a risky claim as you need to resign and onus is on you to prove you had no other option but to resign. If you do not exhaust the company grievance policy before resigning it weakens your claim. If you do resign, be crystal clear in your resignation letter your reason for leaving.

References are not covered in Employment legislation, therefore an employer can effectively give a negative reference.

My advice:

Discuss informally first, if not resolved then raise a Formal Grievance. If still not resolved and you have more than 2 year length of service seek a legal opinion on strength of Constructive Dismissal Claim.

I really hope things improve for you Op 💐

You can always ask to step down into a role with lesser responsibilities as you’ve also got so much going on externally? No shame in doing that.

What are the financial implications of you leaving and not finding work? Short and long term. Will you get a reference if you resign?
You can self-certify for a short period. Maybe do that and rest and take time to think over your options.

Turn it back on them. Copy the higher ups in on every email. Don’t have any conversations without them. Get meetings to explain to team
members and have the higher ups in the meeting to ensure the messaging is clear. Ask in the meeting - does everyone understand what’s been said and clear on way forward.

if you’re on Teams then use copilot to transcribe the meeting. Start taking notes in meeting and getting it signed off by seniors before they leave.

they are bullying you so play them at own game

I don't think OP is in the right frame of mind to do this. She is having panic attacks and spending a lot of time crying.

Ah, there's always one (though usually several) who don't believe mental health and/or severe stress significantly impacting health could possibly amount to be 'unwell'

I think what some people struggle with is 'asking to be signed off'.
You'd expect to present at your GP and for them to say you must be signed off or suggest that they could do so, not that the patient goes in and asks.
Do you see what I mean?

if you go on leave my advice before you do is to print off as much evidence as you can to demonstrate being undermined and any emails teams messages etc. Also you can request any information they have which name you under the freedom of information act. Also, if your doctor gives you medication for your anxiety and stress (you don’t have to take it) make sure it’s on your GP record. I’ve been in a similar situation to a lesser degree and any grievance will be in the employers favour as they guide the process and appoint a (supposedly) neutral party to oversee the case which they never are. Get tough and stay strong. I wish you luck x

This why I’ve suggested to turn the tables to gain the power back. I’ve literally been in the situation described and put on support plans and wondering how I will pay my bills. Went to a very dark place due to workplace bullying and toxic management so you either resign or fight back.

Yes, I understand what action you think OP should take. What I'm saying is that (at least for me personally) if I was having panic attacks and the thought of going into work reduced me to tears, I would not be strong enough to do the things you suggest. Fighting back takes a lot of strength.

I am glad you were able to fight back.

I didn’t fight back. I quit but have learned a lot over the last few years and now help others. If this is the path management choose then only way is to get new job but that also requires significant effort.

there comes a point where you have to make a decision as you just can’t continue

Do you work in the NHS?

They’re trying to manage you out

look for a new role. Perhaps you can return to your origianal role?