I’m close to requesting the GP sign me off work - Meeting on Monday with manager and I need advice

[BlueOtter9]

I’ve stepped into an acting leadership role at work nearly a year ago. Since then, I’ve been dealing with ongoing issues with my line manager where:

• My authority is frequently bypassed
• meetings are held without me
• My trainee goes above me and complains. This then results in my line manager attending meetings with my deputy to reinforce her authority
• Decisions affecting my work are made without my involvement
• Meetings with directors are arranged and I’m expected to attend to rectify a problem she doesn’t leave me a chance to solve
• I am being coached by a director and I’ve been compliant but it feels like another stick to beat me with
• Expectations are changed retrospectively
• Concerns are raised about me indirectly rather than addressed with me
• I implement changes I’m told to. Then I’m told I’ve done it wrong. E.g I made a change, implemented it as told, planned and delivered this to the team, team delivered this info, trainee complains it’s wrong, manager emails me Friday evening to tell me she needs to be in my meeting with my deputy to reinforce expectations and this would have never happened if I liaised with X but I was never told to. I can’t automatically know these things when I’m being encouraged to work with so many others and be coached by one staff member and then plan with another separate colleague at deputy director level. It’s too confusing.
• Multiple senior people are pulled into situations without clear process and I’m forced to comply and look like an idiot.
• the trainee has a strong relationship with my line manager so if I raise concerns they’re dismissed but if she raises them, she complies.
• I have a health investigation happening related to the c word. It’s stressful and my capacity to complete work is different and also I’m not emotionally regulating. I asked for a OH referral for adjustments. This was dismissed and I was told to meet with HR and use the portal online.

I’ve tried to handle things professionally, but the situation has become increasingly stressful. I’ve disclosed health concerns related to anxiety, yet the pressure and monitoring have only increased. I’m now at the point where it’s affecting my sleep, weekends, and general wellbeing.

I’ve involved my union and I’m exploring other job opportunities, but emotionally I feel drained and stuck in survival mode. I’m hoping this chapter of my life closes soon and that I can regain some peace of mind.

I have a meeting on Monday and it’s ruining my weekend I can’t stop thinking about how I’ll be torn into and undermined in front of my deputy. I need advice please. What do I do? Union said push back and tell her you’ll handle the meeting. She won’t listen. She’ll arrive anyway. She’s rude. Undermines me. Speaks to me through gritted teeth like I’m stupid. Never praises me for the work I’ve implemented just chastises me.

help?

Okay so, the plan is 2 diff routes.

Toute 1: work, keep applying for jobs, get the reference, involve union so that I can ensure that this is a fair reference. Go off sick, forget the grievance

Route 2: Keep working, apply, get something, grievance, go off sick

DH ended up in a toxic work environment this year, he tried hard but in the end got his union involved and ended up leaving with 3 months salary (was a fixed term contract anyway).
So I would ask them to come to a meeting with you and your manager.
You can self certify off sick for 7 days so you can always do that for this week and decide if you need to try and get signed off for longer by your GP.

Just to add he agreed a good reference for the job he left too so you need to negotiate that

If I sound unsympathetic, I’m not, believe me. Remember what you’re being paid for - if you stick to the firm’s processes & your performance, others will also have to. That way problems get fixed.

Or come up into daylight.

Can you run a grievance when you’ve got another job? Is it worth it?

I agree this is your best plan. If your job is in education, there are very clear processes to follow and not following them is grounds for a grievance.

Whatever field you work in, I would be considering a grievance against your LM who frequently undermines you.
You could ask HR directly for a referral to Occ. Health.

That sounds horrendous OP. Get signed off if you feel you can’t cope with this but keep an open dialogue with your employer and be mindful they can manage your absence. In the meantime raise a grievance against your LM and the trainee and anyone else complicit (check your grievance policy on how). Outline all your complaints, clearly and succinctly. Names , dates, and examples of the treatment with the emails or evidence to back it up. Times you have attempted to resolve the issues and the impact on you and that the conduct amounts to bullying and harassment . Don’t make it pages and pages, impactful complaints can be a few pages. Ask for an investigation and be available to meet and talk through your concerns, you can give the context. If you are planning to leave then you have nothing to lose. And they may recognise that they have a problem. If they drag their feet , keep asking for updates and keep all your audit trails. There is a chance they may settle with you to leave, but follow all internal processes to try and resolve. Failing that ACAS for early conciliation. You may not have any intention of litigation but it’s a nuisance for them and means they will probably have to pay for legal advice. Make sure you have a plan B in place so get looking for a new job. Good luck x

Do not go to the meeting. Start looking for a new job and if you can't face them then get a sick note from doctor.

I agree with this. From what you’ve said OP (ie nodding along and agreeing you were wrong) it sounds like you’re not being assertive enough or putting your case forward.

If something similar was happening in my team I’d perhaps suggest a split between task management and line management. It sounds like your manager has a really clear idea about how she wants the trainee’s work to go and feels things are being lost in translation with you. This is easily done so I’d suggest she directly task manages the trainees work, freeing you up to focus on your objectives / part of the project and dealing with the people management side of the trainee. An alternative would be for weekly meetings on the work that you all attend so you’re all on the same page.

How does something like that sound for your work? You’d come across a lot stronger and in control if you came with a workable solution to your Monday meeting.

I'm in a very similar situation, I'm sorry, its awful ❤️

I'd spend some time building a timeline, if you have written evidence, like emails or calendar entries, reflections on how the situation is making you feel / the impact. Exclusion is bullying and your workplace is failing in its duty of care to support your wellbeing (what was the reason for your OH request to be refused?)

Look at your grievance policy (mine is under dignity at work, but your organisation might be different).

I did take time off sick and as I made it formal, so when I was fit to return (following support for my mental health via the GP), the return to work process included adjustments to my role.

Use some time to focus on your skills and writing a personal statement / review your CV. This helped me build my confidence again, as you start doubting yourself.

Document everything, so if you do go in on Monday, make notes, follow it up with an email.

Good luck x

1. If you attend this meeting, HAVE A UNION REP WITH YOU. If none are available, walk in, say ‘thank you for coming, however due to the nature of the matter to be discussed I am postponing this until I can have representation’. IMMEDIATELY follow this up with an email to that effect (or better still, send one beforehand postponing if you can’t get a rep in time).
2. Every single email with instructions that you followed (& any more) need to be blind copied to a personal email set up for this purpose. Corporate email accounts can be purged and emails lost, meaning evidence is also lost, especially if they are trying to cover themselves.
3. Any instructions to you from now on need to be by email, in writing, to ‘avoid any misunderstanding’ - really so that you have everything you need.

4 any meetings, of whatever nature, either HR or the union go with you (preferably the union).

But I would be going off sick. You have enough on your plate & it sounds like you need time out.

Get out before they ruin your health. I didn’t and it took nearly 10 years of my life away from me.

When I was going through similar health situation last year I got signed off as I just couldn’t focus on work properly and that was without all the other stuff ! I’d get signed off but you must start to look for a new job for longer term

Yep. Self-preservation is your way forward here, OP.

I got sacked from a senior job last year. Working again now, and it's gradually fading into the past. You only get the one life. Best of luck

I would say from what you’ve written, you’re possibly in no fit state to be in work at the moment. You don’t initially need to see a GP to sign you off, you self certify for a week. So you can do that and aim for a GP appointment by the end of next week.
‘Whilst you’re off, I would suggest you look at what you’ve written here in your first post and try to write some examples of the things you’ve bullet-pointed. For example, you’ve said meetings are held without you - you need to state which meetings, the dates and why you think you should have been at that meeting. That way, if you do think you need to raise a grievance, you will have the documented evidence to back up your claims.

OP I say this with all kindness. You are either being bullied or are incompetent. I say this because this is what it will look like to people who don’t know and are being asked to evaluate.

Have they discussed performance in any way? If so, you can take stress leave but this will have to be resolved before you go back. If not raise a grievance now. This is important if you leave by mutual consent you could get more money. You can still take stress leave after you raise the grievance.

Unfortunately I have never seen a grievance upheld so be prepared for this but this is about getting a settlement sum by mutual agreement and maximising this figure.

I am sorry this is happening to you. I truly wish you all the best.

Health issue aside these are all workplace grievances so not a gp matter. If you aren’t fit to work then that is separate but you litany of reasons bar the last are simply not medical. Signed off sock is due to incapacity to work not your job being crap

I strongly disagree with your advice.

it is entirely appropriate and valid for the OP to be signed off and gives the employer a message that they are human, and deserves respect. The reason for their absence is workplace stress caused by the manager and the OP needs to ensure that is made very clear. I strongly encourage them to maximise the support they can get from their Union Rep, that's why they pay their subs. Unions are there as a show of strength, but the OP needs to get their ducks in a row, with everything meticulously documented and ready to fire off as a grievance. It doesn't matter if the grievance isn't upheld, it's crucial that the manager's behaviour is outed. In my experience the organisation will never admit wrongdoing, but behind the scenes they most certainly will be taking issue with how the employee (in this case the OP) has been treated.

Spoiler: You’re not being paid to have feelings. oh, what rubbish! The OP should absolutely expect to be treated with respect, not be sidelined, disenfranchised, undermined and bullied out of their job!

Admit it when you’re wrong - be strong enough to take criticism and improve.

the bullying manager sounds appalling and the last thing the OP should do at this stage is throw themselves on their sword. Why should they! All that does is plays into the manager's hands and lets them off the hook. The list of grievance point the OP has given is shocking. That should be formalised asap.

OP stay strong, believe in yourself, and remember you got this role because you were considered suitable. The fact your manager has turned on you, with no justification, is not how a decent manager should behave. They are acting unilaterally and undoubtedly not with the support of their leadership, these people so often mask their behaviour when it suits them.

Don’t waste any more time or energy on them don’t try to win it’s no worth your health get out of there and start again I appreciate that’s easier said than done but no job should be causing you so much stress I hope you get sorted OP and wishing you the very best with your health

This is really good advice.

OP, what is the purpose of the meeting tomorrow and who is scheduled to be there?

if you self certify do you get full pay? If so I think you should do so for this coming week, you are clearly suffering from severe work related stress and could use the time to get your ducks in a row.

I’d make a list evidencing each of these points. Examples that show that you are not receiving the information or support that you need, I’d raise each at the meeting. I would never allow a colleague to attend a meeting like this. It would be my manager, union rep and me. I wouldn’t take time off as I would never give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they’d got to me. You’re either being bullied or you’re incapable. I don’t spoon feed my team, if I delegate then I expect that person to figure it out, to use their experience and knowledge to get things done. If I had time to do it myself then I would have. If they need help that’s fine but I would expect them to ask for it.

I’m really sorry — this sounds exhausting. Being undermined like this, especially while you’re unwell, would knock anyone’s confidence.
For Monday, don’t get drawn into defending yourself. Early on, calmly ask something like:
“Can we just clarify who’s leading this work and how decisions are meant to be handled?”
If she corrects you or changes the goalposts in front of others, try:
“That’s new to me — can we agree expectations clearly so I know what I’m delivering?”
Take notes, then follow up afterwards with a short email confirming what was agreed to protect yourself.
You’ve done the right thing getting the union involved and looking at other options. This doesn’t sound fixable by you working harder. Focus on getting through it, looking after your health, and getting out with your confidence intact.

If its an acting leadership role why dont you step down and revert back to your old role? Were you happy in that job with no questions to your capability of that role?
I definitely wouldn't go off sick. If you are looking for another job your sickness record would probably be divulged to any potential new employer that could affect future employment opportunities.
Are you doing a bad job and cant see it. Or do you feel you are being treat unfairly? If the latter then why dont you raise a grievance with HR?
My only issue is, rightly or wrongly, people who raise grievances are often seen as trouble makers. If you intend to leave the organisation anyway, then I'd raise my concerns informally, but try to suck it up until you find a new job so that they cant give a bad reference.

Look for another job. This is the culture and the people not you. The woman I manage is like this goes above me and doesn’t keep me in the loop. I’m new to this job but unless she changes her behaviour by herself I will be out of there because you can’t change people like and even if you do after all that time and effort you won’t get any recognition for it. Life’s too short to be messing with these type of people.

Apart from the good advice you've already had about looking for another job, taking some time off etc,

• Have you ever raised a grievance about your LM? (When you are feeling stronger) can you ask her for a meeting and set out what you've said here, and also put it in an email? If you don't feel you can do this,can you do it with the director who is coaching you? Follow their grievance procedure. However horrendous it's been, if you have never complained then there is no prospect of resolving it or of a constructive dismissal claim.
• Have you been employed for more than 2 years?

If you do attend the meeting insist your union rep is there or a close friend to witness how you’re being treated. I’ve faced shit like this and it is mentally destructive to say the least!
My management made up all manner of lies and when 8 asked for documentation to prove it…….hey presto! There was NONE! They wanted me out and my deputy in. My case was escalated through the union and the regional rep attended………management weren’t happy about that either but I was cleared of all accusations, gave it a couple of months and resigned.