I’m close to requesting the GP sign me off work - Meeting on Monday with manager and I need advice

[BlueOtter9]

I’ve stepped into an acting leadership role at work nearly a year ago. Since then, I’ve been dealing with ongoing issues with my line manager where:

• My authority is frequently bypassed
• meetings are held without me
• My trainee goes above me and complains. This then results in my line manager attending meetings with my deputy to reinforce her authority
• Decisions affecting my work are made without my involvement
• Meetings with directors are arranged and I’m expected to attend to rectify a problem she doesn’t leave me a chance to solve
• I am being coached by a director and I’ve been compliant but it feels like another stick to beat me with
• Expectations are changed retrospectively
• Concerns are raised about me indirectly rather than addressed with me
• I implement changes I’m told to. Then I’m told I’ve done it wrong. E.g I made a change, implemented it as told, planned and delivered this to the team, team delivered this info, trainee complains it’s wrong, manager emails me Friday evening to tell me she needs to be in my meeting with my deputy to reinforce expectations and this would have never happened if I liaised with X but I was never told to. I can’t automatically know these things when I’m being encouraged to work with so many others and be coached by one staff member and then plan with another separate colleague at deputy director level. It’s too confusing.
• Multiple senior people are pulled into situations without clear process and I’m forced to comply and look like an idiot.
• the trainee has a strong relationship with my line manager so if I raise concerns they’re dismissed but if she raises them, she complies.
• I have a health investigation happening related to the c word. It’s stressful and my capacity to complete work is different and also I’m not emotionally regulating. I asked for a OH referral for adjustments. This was dismissed and I was told to meet with HR and use the portal online.

I’ve tried to handle things professionally, but the situation has become increasingly stressful. I’ve disclosed health concerns related to anxiety, yet the pressure and monitoring have only increased. I’m now at the point where it’s affecting my sleep, weekends, and general wellbeing.

I’ve involved my union and I’m exploring other job opportunities, but emotionally I feel drained and stuck in survival mode. I’m hoping this chapter of my life closes soon and that I can regain some peace of mind.

I have a meeting on Monday and it’s ruining my weekend I can’t stop thinking about how I’ll be torn into and undermined in front of my deputy. I need advice please. What do I do? Union said push back and tell her you’ll handle the meeting. She won’t listen. She’ll arrive anyway. She’s rude. Undermines me. Speaks to me through gritted teeth like I’m stupid. Never praises me for the work I’ve implemented just chastises me.

help?

I would get signed of work with work related stress

Then I would write everything you have said down, with examples, speak to the union and raise a formal grievance against your manager

You need to leave. Its not going to get any better.

Sorry you're going through this, its sounds horrid.

Lots of good advice here. Though if you are UK based I'm pretty sure you dont need to stay for a reference. Legally orgs aren't allowed to give "bad" references.

As others have said, keep a record of interactions, maybe have a note pad to write down dates, times and conversations. Keep a record of meetings held without you, emails etc.

And absolutely get signed off. No future employer will judge you for needing time off when dealing with a cancer scare (if nothing else) and actually a decent employer would be sympathetic to employees suffering from stress after being promoted in to a "temporary" role without support or an end date.

Finally, speak to HR. If your boss is like this with you, chances are she is with other people. You don't have to make it formal, but can share the troubles you are experiencing and actually they should be able to refer you to OH rather than your boss.

It isn’t true that any time off sick would be divulged to a future employer - this is not legal to disclose

Go off and stary looking for a new job.

You say acting leadership, do you mean acting up? Can you ask to return to your substantive role?

Apart from that, I disagree with posters encouraging you not to sign off sick. You absolutely should. The number one priority is resetting your nervous system - you cannot carry on as you are and hope for anything to improve. Going off sick sets a lot in motion - firstly it gives you time to settle down, which is number one, and that will make it easier then to deal with your situation. You can't deal with it effectively when you're in a constant state of hypervigilance, it's not possible. Go off. Your GP doesn't need to put work related stress of you don't want them to - they can be vague on your line.

Once you're in a calmer frame of mind and your body isn't in survival mode, you can work out what you want to do about work. When you're off sick, don't pressure yourself to work it all out during that time or even to apply for jobs during that time. Actually take the time to recover. A couple of weeks night be enough, you might need a little bit longer, just get the immediate pressure off.

The issue is I am adamant that I dont want her to “win”

As harsh as it sounds, you'll need to swallow your pride. Do you think a grievance will change anything? Especially considering that the company/management seem to be siding with her?

Ask yourself: What do you want the outcome to be? Is that likely to happen? And given that you intend to leave regardless, will it be worth it?

I’m convinced she just wants me to have a breakdown

If you carry on like this she'll get what she wants.

I would pursue something like this as well.

You’ve had some great advice on here already. I’ve been in a situation where management were bullies and the environment was toxic. Like you @BlueOtter9 it made me really ill. My advice is get out, don’t even bother with a grievance. I considered a grievance but was advised by my union that they hardly ever get upheld. Instead I focused on me. I took a month at home to heal and then joined a different industry. I have my life back. How long is your notice period?

Genuine questions here - how did you step into this leadership role? and who approached you to do it? Is there any possibility that you could revert to your previous role if you wanted to?
I’m with Vaxtable - ring in sick tomorrow, make an appt with your GP and asked to be signed off with work related stress.
If what you’ve told us here is true about your workplace you definitely have a case for a formal grievance submission.
It’s easy for us to say look for another job, but in practice finding one often takes time. Start the search as soon as you feel able. What is your company’s sickness policy? Awful of me to say but in the circumstances I’d have no hesitation in staying away for as long as I possibly could.

OP isn't going to get a new job by Monday and is in crisis now

Having been in similar situation myself a few years ago, going off sick is only kicking this down the road and not dealing with the issues.

have you raised an informal complaints as yet with their manager, and if so what was the result?
next steps is a formal grievance.
you can also ask for a copy of their organisational stress risk assessment, and that you require one for you before you become anymore unwell.

you can also be proactive and ask what it is that you could of done differently with change projects.

it may be worth speaking to HR and asking for support (but be weary too).

having been a person who ended up off sick- I was not able to go back to that role. The longer you are off the harder it is to go back!
mine very much fell into discrimination, as I have a disability, so ended up reaching an agreement to leave in exchange for me not taking them to employment tribunal (grievance was all upheld in my favour).

personally spend you time brushing up your cv and finding a place that will appreciate you before it eats you up any further (and this so speaking from experience of just how much worse situations can get).

You can sign yourself off for a week before needing a GP note. That gives you a bit of breathing space in which to arrange an appointment with a GP to get a further sick note, which can be backdated if you can’t get an appointment in time.

Sometimes an emergency breathing space is required for distance, sanity and a refocus. And before a breakdown (which OP sounds close to). And then issues can be dealt with in a calmer and clearer state of mind

Sounds really awful and I have seen this sort of behaviour in workplaces, it’s so unprofessional but seems to happened still. The only, only solution is a new job in a sensible workplace.

Just to add another question and perspective. Is sick pay company sick pay or SSP? Depending on which it is can you afford to be of this too and for how long?

if you need to rest and are that ill, then go off, but get your grievance in. It may or may not end up making things worse or better, but main thing is to work out how long you can survive on sick pay if it’s SSP.

Your sanity is more important than reduced pay for a limited period. If you go on when the situation is untenable, stress etc will mean you're off work for longer than you taking control of the situation now and getting signed off for a limited period.

Agree with Union advice - push back and say no to meeting

Get signed off by your GP for a meaningful period. Then when you're ready to return, your GP may be able to put as a precondition for the fit note that you have a referral to OH.

I was in a toxic senior role and also was signed off with anxiety. I used the time to secure another job and now feel much better. Don’t stay - go elsewhere.

To be honest, I think OP too far gone to self certify for such a brief period and when her toxic manager may seek to go behind it. However, if the GP signs her off for a meaningful period - ie a decent numbers of weeks, rather than months - it will be a brave employer who will challenge the sick not and harass OP during her sick leave

I don't know whether you say you've been there more than 2 years here? It makes a big difference to your protection.

I don't know why raising a formal grievance would take long. It doesn't need to be every single thing that's happened. Several indefensible situations would be enough.

What are those at the top of the company like? I've situations where junior managers try to prove themselves by showing a hard side and when uncovered those above are horrified.

To succeed in a competitive interview situation for a new job you need to present your best self. If you are stressed out and anxious it will come across. I don't know the answer for this one. Been there, done it...

So sorry you are going through this. Your boss sounds like a nasty bully.

fundamentally they are not looking after your health and safety (look up HASW act, it includes mental health)

you have told them you are struggling with your health & need help and they have dismissed this.

do your grievance on this basis, don’t give them an opportunity to question your capability. This is about their responsibility to provide you a safe work environment with support and constructive feedback. You were promoted because they felt you could do the job but they have not supported you to do this and this has damaged your health.

You cannot change them, nothing you say will make a difference.

Get angry and make your grievance clear; their actions have damaged your health!!!!

good luck OP

Or, if you don't get signed off...

3.a breakdown requiring being signed off for a significantly longer period and/or things become so intolerable that you walk out and/or you lose it at work (and I wouldn't blame you) and say things from which there is no coming back. With the last two items, you lose your job anyway and risk further exacerbating your mental health

100% agree with this.

And with a grievance procedure, what are your hopes and expectations from it? That your manager will have a personality change and/or change of leadership style (or sacked)? That your trainee will be replaced? That the past will be wiped clean and colleagues/senior managers forget the public dressings down and undermine you have been subject to? Getting even?

Grievance procedures are highly stressful

HR professional here to correct the crap advice on here.

Employment references can absolutely include how much time off for sickness has been taken, just not what for. This is particularly common in situations where “safer recruitment” is required, like education and healthcare.

Similarly, another poster said employers can’t give “bad” references: they can say absolutely anything they like as long as it’s true, and again a “safer recruitment” reference will say more than for a standard kind of role.

In my time I’ve seen plenty of grievances upheld and action taken against bullying managers. But ultimately grievances aren’t decided by HR or TU reps but by the managers that hear them, so there are no guarantee.

Around 5% of constructive dismissal cases win. And there is a 2-3 year wait for hearings at the moment. The suggestion that they are less stressful than trying to deal with the situation now is laughable.

OP, my advice would be to try to avoid going off sick right now if you can. Just because they will continue to undermine you in your absence and you’ll be eating into your full pay which you might (hopefully not) need in time to come. (I don’t understand how getting a fit note would mean you didn’t get full pay though.)

I’m guessing your deputy applied for the acting up as well and didn’t get it?

If you want to remain acting up, the advice to follow up everything with an email is good - start building a portfolio of evidence. They may realise where things are heading and change their tune. Mention the union at opportune moments (not in earshot of your deputy). Start drafting a grievance with your TU and be ready to submit it when you need to. You have enough concerns already and if you have evidence for them you can go with what you have. You’ll need balls of steel but you may be able to negotiate a settlement rather than have to drag it out with sick leave etc.

Declare the health concerns to HR - you aren’t protected if they don’t know about them.

Best of luck with the investigations. Be careful what advice you take on here - there’s been a lot of misadvice on here already. Use your TU - it’s what they are there for.