Family member sells gifts on Vinted - what would you do?

[LeChiffre26]

My SIL sells gifts we have given her and her family on Vinted. We take time and thought with gifts. It's disheartening to see this. She does not need the money! What would you do? Let her know you have seen them? Just stop giving gifts? Just give her any old thing?

I completely agree with this.

We're all grown ups now and can buy our own presents. Even things that are thoughtful can just not be suitable and then it just becomes clutter and another thing to move on / sell / charity shop.

There's also the time it takes to get said unnecessary present on top of all the things you have to do if your Christmas is busy. I'd rather someone unburden someone of this and instead bought some extra Christmas food or drink or party game for everyone to enjoy.

I don't think gifts are necessary for adults at Christmas & I'm sure this will become more the norm in the future.

God I hope my relatives aren’t stalking my Vinted, I’ve sold loads of presents on there. I don’t understand why it’s rude, I appreciate the thought but can’t use some skincare, never ever wear slippers, have 10 other hot water bottles etc etc

I lean towards no gifts for adults. For kids, I ask them to share wishlists and go from there.

If sil buys for you then you are obliged to buy for her. Either suggest no gift giving, or carry on as you are.

This happened to us so now we only give to the kids. It was actually kids stuff that was being sold but we dont feel we can stop giving to the kids.

If you don't feel you can open a conversation about it with her, just use the vinted "ask the seller a question" function.

Yes I'm quite shocked by the outrage!

It's not only my stuff she sells. She's one of those people who puts labels back on clothing she has worn and sells as new.

I do feel a bit like I'm stalking. I can't even remember now how I came across her page. Maybe it is time to halt adult presents or limit to a small token thing.

I’d ask her what she wants of just give cheaper token gifts.

I agree with this entirely. I have virtually everything I need, and I would want to choose the things I do need myself because no one would know what to get, or they’d get ‘something like it’ which isn’t.

So stop buying stuff !
I would be THRILLED to not receive sh!t presents!
as a token I always gift something consumable, but with a decent shelf life, like wine or chocolate.
I can’t be bothered with Vinted but have either binned or charity shopped a number of gifts I’ve received this Christmas already, because I don’t want to store them for posterity and won’t use them!
….. I’m currently clearing out stuff I have stored for the last 10+ years and haven’t used or touched.

we just don’t need as much “stuff” as we like to give. But really we’re giving a burden, rather than a thoughtful gift.

I can totally relate to the SIL as I also put unwanted gifts on Vinted. Surely it’s better being reused on Vinted rather than in the tip. The unwanted gifts are often from my in laws who haven’t taken the time to ask what I would actually like (we have the same issue with my young daughter too)

I too, was in your shoes, a few years ago. My beloved, successfully, daughter openly gave away to other family members ; I would spot said items in other people's houses. It just shows how kind and thoughtful you are. The items I gave were carefully chosen. After a while The PENNY dropped. Now: I still give, but not such well thought -out items, which can be sold- in fact , I think she may have re- gifted back - to - me and cheap bottle of perfume my last birthday. !!!!!

I have a lovely friend that is kind and generous. But we share very different tastes. I hopefully seem grateful for what she gives me as gifts even though I won't ever use any of them. She is easier to read and clearly doesn't like what I give her.

I have to think that it's the thought that counts. And I do think I'm hard to buy for because really, I don't want 'stuff'.

Ugh. Hate those people.

But this also changes things.

I'd stop putting myself out buying her nice things tbh. Cards and flowers, nice bottle of something she fancies, plants. things that can't be popped onto Vinted, frankly.

does SIL work? could it be that they are comfortably off, but she has no access to cash? I know a couple of women who have done this just to be able to have a little financial independance for things that their OH wouldnt agree to pay for - like beauty treatments, and in one case, new underwear....

Try not to feel hurt about it - it’s hard to buy for people without asking what they want.

Honestly, if it’s not something she likes, what would you really want her to do with it? Sticking it in a cupboard for years is a waste as is using it one then it being a used item which probably can’t be passed on if it’s toiletries or similar. That only leaves handing it back to you (not really an option!), regifting it, giving it away or selling it.

Either no more adult gifts or just stop putting thought into it. Bottle of wine and a plant and candle every year.

In our family- there is

Mum, Dad
DB with SIL - two children
DS with BIL- two children
DB with BIL- no children
Me with DH - two children

We don’t buy for the adults anymore. We ask the parents for something of the children’s Christmas/birthday lists.

We plan one big day out before Christmas- so we are making memories together. Usually Father Christmas experience.

For Birthdays we go for breakfasts- as we have children from 4 months to 13 years- the little ones are tired at dinner time- so this makes more sense for us all- no crying etc.

My parents still give all us children and partners a gift at Christmas - something they have heard us say we need, vouchers or money. What ever they think we will use.

I would not say anything to my SIL if she sold something I gave her. People are realising that more things around the house, makes for a less relaxing environment. I’ve given away a lot of presents my colleagues gave me for my birthday (end of Nov) and Christmas- as I just won’t use them!

Before the children- we used to do secret Santa and make a wish list- so we would buy of the list, so we knew the person would want it!

What a great idea for the kids, 90mumof2.

A friend has a "buy yourself a gift" for the adults.
She enjoys seeing what relatives unwrap.

Many families have Secret Santa. Drawn from a hat, buying for one other person. That saves on the number of gifts and on time.. Discuss ideas with the person receiving, before buying.

Stop buying the little stuff or stop gifting all together. I can see things from all angles as I only keep things gifted from my kids. Other things I get gifted I always pass on to one adult dc if she likes it as things I have had in the past is either too small colours are all wrong for me or Is absolutely pointless. I stopped gifting adults as in family/friends years ago and just get my dc. Some people took offence at that and still buy me even though I dont buy them and then get arsey they dont get anything in return. But that's their look out.

My siblings and I only buy for the children now, not each other. Or we go for a nice lunch or day out. You could ask that without mentioning the stuff on Vinted. I understand it’s hurtful to see it.

Buy back one of the gifts from Vinted. She’d get the message when she comes to post it and sees the name and address!

I agree- gifts are clearly not something she wants and they are cluttering up her house so stop giving them!

No need to over think or ruminate on this, just stop. She isn't going to be upset if she doesn't want them in the first place!