If you notice your friend has lost some weight…

[XGiveMeStrengthX]

Friendly reminder folks:

Your comments will be very likely to make your friend feel judged.

It’s bloody hard shifting significant amounts of weight and takes calorie restriction along with consistent exercise. This is regardless of whether they have used weight-loss drugs.

So, be a supportive friend.
You really don’t need to comment unless invited.
If they don’t ask for your opinion, then keep it to yourself.
It’s rude to talk about other people’s weight loss or gain for that matter.

Thanks 🙏

Disagree.

Your public service announcement is a little misplaced in my opinion. You’re talking about how YOU would feel/ have felt when someone comments on your weight loss or weight gain. But people are not all the same.

By all means, think twice about your words before say something that could upset or offend someone… but also; know your friends, they may appreciate the comments or they might not.

It’s a minefield isn’t it. I have been of the opinion that commenting on someone’s body is not polite. But then a colleague lost 5 stone and complained nobody said anything.

so now if I notice weigh loss I do a blanket “you look well” type comment. Could be about weight loss or a general glow, they can interpret it how they want 🤷🏻‍♀️

im sure someone would say that that’s still an insinuation that an overweight friend doesn’t look well. I have overweight friends and still compliment them when I see them, especially if a night out and everyone is looking glam.

Yeah that's what I thought. I wouldn't say it if I wasn't aware the person was trying to lose weight. As obviously it could be a health issue or just aging rather than deliberate.

Nobody would ever say it to me for example, because I'm in recovery for ED and it would indicate a relapse.

You don't get to decide on what is and is not appropriate conversation OP. Some people talk about weight constantly within their family or social group. Some don't. Surely people can gauge what their friend wants?

i lost a lot of weight a few years ago and almost everyone commented to the point that if I met someone and they didn't comment I was surprised. They probably knew I wanted to hear it. What I didn't like was the interrogation of what I did to lose it. Even more annoying was when someone introduces my weight to a group conversation, like asking me in front of my friends or family about it so they have to listen again, then it's like I'm going on about it again. That is very different from a one to one compliment.

You know very well this is a completely different thing. If your friend gets a new haircut and you say it looks good on them it doesn't mean next time you'll say hey I see your grey roots and your split ends make your hair look shit. If you say that dress looks good on you this week you don't say that dress looks awful on you the next week. It seems you struggle to differentiate between a positive and negative remark. One is acceptable one is not, they don't fall under the same category of 'commenting on someone's looks'.

I hear this too

but it was true, it’s the truth (for me) I was over weight and fat before and I personally did not carry it well I looked bloated and tired

funny thing is if I make a comment on shedding my fat it makes people uncomfortable and they will often play it down by saying oh you wasn’t that big and I never saw you as fat as it makes them feel uncomfortable that I knew I was seen as fat

I was fat I knew I was fat and now I’m slimmer and look much better for it it’s that simple

Only if they mention it to you. Just say they look lovely. Otherwise you are validating they were fat before and you prefer them not. Their weight has no relevance to your friendship whatsoever.

“Ive lost weight”
”oh wow good for you! I hope you feel happier. I think you look lovely regardless of your weight. Youve done so well!”

I also wouldnt want someone telling me when Ive gained weight but they clearly notice if they notice and comment when I lose.

I also dont want comments on the changes of my breasts during pregnancy and after.

If you notice a random on the internet your friend is being patronisingly irritating, and setting themself up as some sort of universal law giver, here's a reminder that you don't need to pay the slightest bit of attention to their tiresome arrogance 🙏

Oh Gawd I wouldn't be saying I prefer them not. But yeah it would only be if I knew they wanted to lose it and didn't have ED.

I agree with you.

I find it perplexing , that someone thinks is okay to tell people what they should or shouldn't say, based on their subjective opinion and feelings.

By all means say how you feel on the issue, but to project onto others, as if those feelings are gospel shows naivety and a lack of introspection.

I agree with you.

I find it perplexing , that someone thinks is okay to tell people what they should or shouldn't say, based on their subjective opinion and feelings.

By all means say how you feel on the issue, but to project onto others, as if those feelings are gospel shows naivety and a lack of introspection.

I've always found people are pleased when someone notices, myself included. It's not insulting to say to someone you look like you've lost weight. What's the issue?

Good approach. I've been doing the same for many moons exclusively in the outside world. Life is easier that way. In my house? You might have a job on your hands to shut me up! 😂

They're not taking offence to noticing the weightloss. But noticing the weightloss in itself implies you thought they looked overweight before, thus getting offended.

If you want to test the waters without upsetting anyone, it’s really not difficult to mention you think they are looking great, don’t have to say they have lost weight.

Then they can tell you what they have been doing differently or not, just as they liked

You see, that's what I would find more insulting. Telling someone they look great suggests they didn't before (when bigger) so sticking to the fact that they've lost weight is more truthful.

Why would anyone be offended by someone mentioning they’ve lost weight when they’re trying to loose weight 🤯. Would this genuinely offend you OP?

of course when I lost weight due to diet and exercise my mother managed to turn it into a negative and talked about how poor my bone health will be and how bad running is for my knees. But most people aren’t my mother and are just trying to be nice!!

I've usually just said you look great, that new outfit really suits you. You look well. If they want to mention weight loss that's up to them

We really should compliment women more regardless of weight loss.

Surely it’s a case by case thing, if one of your good friends has been dieting then surely you know about it as diets exercise etc tend to come up in conversation. If they haven’t mentioned anything or it’s a friend you don’t know well then yes keep you thoughts on the inside.

Just why on earth would you say that?