If you notice your friend has lost some weight…

[XGiveMeStrengthX]

Friendly reminder folks:

Your comments will be very likely to make your friend feel judged.

It’s bloody hard shifting significant amounts of weight and takes calorie restriction along with consistent exercise. This is regardless of whether they have used weight-loss drugs.

So, be a supportive friend.
You really don’t need to comment unless invited.
If they don’t ask for your opinion, then keep it to yourself.
It’s rude to talk about other people’s weight loss or gain for that matter.

Thanks 🙏

I totally get that.

Maybe when people remark on weight loss it IS because of the health reasons.

I love being told I’ve lost weight

I don't understand this....I really appreciated comments on my weight loss 'wow you're looking great'. 'You've lost weight you look amazing' etc....now you're telling my my friends and families comments were wrong?

I accept this is probably true in most cases, but I've done an excellent job of hiding my eating disorder from almost everyone who knows me since it starting early 2025. I'm engaging with services and getting help, and it's not something I want public knowledge for a whole host of reasons, but even my own family (aunts/uncles/cousins so fairly close but not seeing them weekly) said "keep doing whatever you're doing because it's working" and then I had to fight myself to eat anything at all for the next several days. None of my friends know. They just see their formerly obese friend who is no longer fat but not yet noticeably underweight. I'm sure they'll cotton on eventually if I don't get it under control, but their words still do damage. Ironically it's only one school mum who handled it with any tact, explicitly acknowledging/stating that she could see a huge difference but didn't want to assume it was intentional so if it was, congratulations, and if it wasn't she hoped all was ok, without asking/probing into what/why. I appreciated that a lot.

I don't get this either...I would like people to notice and tell me.
I'm trying to lose weight and no, not with WLI - not that it matters whichever way one does it.
So far only half a stone but my golly it's hard, and it doesn't even show I've lost anything yet. I'd love someone to see it and say something, it would give me such encouragement to keep going.

Thanks OP. As someone who has lost nearly 4 stone this year I hate having it commented on. Generally with lots of fuss and some prying in to “how” and never prompted by myself.

I think it’s odd that some people think that you can’t possibly have any actual friends only acquaintances if you don’t want to discuss specific personal topics like weight.

It’s also strange to me that people want to be told “well done” or want to tell other people “well done” when they’ve lost noticeable weight. I don’t want or need anyone’s praise about it, it’s not something that falls into the pride category for me. Do people who say “well done” to people also say the opposite if their friends put on lots of weight?

I bumped into someone I know who I haven't seen for a year and it took me 30 minutes to recognise her. I knew that she had always been trying to lose weight as she always spoke to me about it. Shes must be half her size. It would have been ridiculous not to mention this massive change. I didn't go on about it but said how great she looked. I obviously don't know if she was upset or pleased about my comment but it would have been crazy not to mention it as she literally looks like a different person.

Also to add that I have lost 4 stone in the past and comments were very welcome!

It’s really quite stressful when you know that people will be unable to stop themselves mentioning it if they haven’t seen you for a while and you look noticeably smaller. I know I have lost half my body weight, I know that you’ll notice, but I absolutely don’t want to have any kind of a conversation about it. Yet I am likely to be forced into it just because I can’t hide the weight loss.

OP specified "friend". A good friend that i know i can talk about weight to? for sure, but for weight gain i would probably not say anything. Unless it is one particular friend and then i would because they have asked me to.

I have friends who have had disordered eating for years - all of us in that friendship group will never talk about food, let alone weight loss or gain, around that person. In chats, in person, not ever.

A complete stranger? i don't talk to strangers about anything other than superficial things (unless it is a situation that requires it).

The sanctimoniousness, OP, is because you are talking about how people talk to friends as though we are a bunch of 4 year olds learning to navigate social niceties.

Don't make silly posts, and you won't get silly answers.

When someone says, “You’ve lost weight! You look great!” All I hear is “You were so fat before!”

I’ll only take weight comments well from my PT and my DH, because they’re the only ones who know the whole story.

If we are honest with ourselves - and if we can't be honest with ourselves, we need to work on that - fat or overweight people know they are fat or overweight.

It really does depend on your relationship. I went to an all girls school. At any one point probably most of the class (myself included) had some degree of eating disorder. Which is why you don't talk about personal things to strangers/acquaintences and family, and only with friends if it is that kind of friendship.

I'm 4 stone down and I've found its not close friends and family who comment but acquaintances / school mums / neighbours (ie people I don't know well enough to want to discuss my medical history with!).

I smile and nod these days.

Thankfully no-one was rude enough to comment as the 4st went on (as it happens I have an autoimmune condition and have spent long periods of the past 7 years on steroids but I'm now totally off of them and on a new medication which has aided weightloss greatly but I do take MJ too)

I would never dream of asking someone about their weight? It's just odd how suddenly people you barely know feel like they have a right to comment on your body.

I agree. My mil noticed I’d lost some weight (due to illness) and made a lot of comments stating at my stomach explaining that tons had gone from my middle. Made me feel awful. Stop staring at my body.

Same and it really upsets me. My friends my age havnt said anything and it’s so nice. Theyre clearly not focussed on my body but me.

Maybe it’s an age thing. People in their 60s (mil age) seem to think it is a compliment. My age (30s) wouldnt dare and Im so thankful.

Whenever I see female in-laws they all without exception make one of these comments. It leads me to think they only value appearance and makes me deeply uncomfortable.

It seems that there’s quite a few people who need a reminder of “social niceties” - although many of them don’t agree.

and again: we don't need patronising condesension

HTH

Even if you know the person was a bit chubby before and was always moaning about it? And you knew they'd been trying to lose weight? Noticing in a nice way surely is a compliment?

@BillieWiper that’s the thing, your moaning chubby “friend” is going to raise the topic given that they are always moaning about their weight. So when they raise it, comment away.

I feel differently. I’ve lost 2 stone since the start of this year and at Christmas a few people I hasn’t seen for months commented on it and said how good I looked. I was chuffed to bits!

I'm not keen on the oh you've lost weight - you look great - don't lose anymore. Usually by someone I didn't know very well at the school gates or somewhere similar - I think I hated that more than anything - being told by people not to lose anymore, all too personal like they were the weight loss police.