Do you have sex in the house with your DH when kids around?

[Bigfatglasses]

We did when the kids were very little but haven’t done for years. I remember walking in on my parents at it in their bedroom when I was about 6 and DH did on his parents too when he was 10 or 11. As a result, we never have done - only when kids out or we on a kid-free weekend away. I am told this is not normal? Normal to me though - but my kids are all away at uni now so we are making up for lost time!

If so many people did not have sex in their own bedrooms because they had a child in the house, there would be far fewer children with siblings.

lt’s not realistic or healthy to refrain from having sex because you have children. We are not talking about a sex show for kids here, we are talking about private time.

Indeed. We wouldn’t have had a DC 2 and 3 if we didn’t have sex with a child in the house, unless we both booked a weeks annual leave around ovulation time every month for 3-4 months ish when TTC, which wouldn’t really have been practical!

You said that the dad and girlfriend who went upstairs midday to have loud sex knowing a child could hear it all was not abusive.
Have a look on the NSPCC website, it’s clearly abusive for really obvious reasons.
Having quiet sex behind a locked door is completely different.
The dad in the post you referred to, told his son to sit in the front room, took his phone off him and had loud sex knowing his son was downstairs hearing it all, can you really not understand that that is damaging and abusive.
I wouldn’t do that to my son for all the money In the world, and if that opinion meant my husband fucked off with a work colleague then good riddance.
Luckily my husband also agrees that it’s wrong.

That’s not what you said and you know it, you said you couldn’t believe the deleted thread, like it was justified. You said children listening to sex noises is fine if they can’t see it. It’s absolutely not

Why ask for advice if your just gonna be rude thats why you find alternative places and times to have sex gosh you really sound like a sex addict.

I stand corrected, had misread the context. However, I don't think most teens would want to hear references to their parents' sex life even tangentially.

Like you ours thinks I’m being attacked 🙄
but ours barks if we send him down … oh well back to the drawing board lol

I used to wonder about this as well, as I lived at home until I was 24 and never heard a thing to make me think my parents were at it! They never had nights away without me, and our bedrooms were close together.

Yes. We do. That's what a lock is for.

Me too! Putting a lock on our bedroom door would be wierd.

Also I would rather have no sex than quiet, restrained, listening-out-for-kids sex. I would be unable to relax and anxious - more stress than it’s worth and no pleasure for me (albeit DH would have liked). And never wanted to treat my teens or tweens as fools by saying mum and dad are “going for a nap”. Kids aren’t stupid!

Yes. But we live in a tall terrace and our bedroom is the only room on the top floor. There is a door to the bedroom and to the stairs to the top landing before our bedroom.. so it feels quite separate to the kids. Would only do it at night quietly when kids are in the house.
And yeah I sleep naked anyway so and am often wandering to the bathroom in just my knickers. Pretty normal in our house. No one bats an eyelid. And we do live next to a main road so I doubt the kids have ever heard us in the night above the noise of that.
We all knock before entering rooms too.
And its very rare any of the kids come up to our door during the night.

I remember i heard my parents having sex once when we were in a holiday cottage in my middle teens. Yeah it made me a bit uncomfortable but I wasn't traumatised by it. I knew they must have had sex to get me. I knew people in relationships had sex with each other. I just put my headphones on.
I never heard it at home as there was a bedroom in between us so they'd have had to be incredibly loud for me to hear! But I assume they did have sex. As they were a married couple clearly in love.

Well, some of us don’t have the luxury of child free time, so it’s quiet sex when the kids are in the house (asleep) or nothing basically! I personally don’t want to be in a sexless marriage and I don’t think my DH does either, so we’ve had to work with our circumstances.

This is why there should be boundaries about children walking into their parents' rooms. We always had to knock before going into my parents' room from a young age so it was second nature. I never went in there if my parents weren't. To get to a situation where your child thinks it's ok to come in to her parents' room in the night without knocking means something has gone awry.

That sounds pretty awful. Did / do you have a good relationship with your parents now you’re older?

This is really such nonsense that something has gone awry if kids walk into their parents without knocking 🤪
so if they have a nightmare they should knock on the door before coming in 🤪

Agreed

Yeah..when the kids were at school. On the beach, in the boat, on the hill, the joys of working for oneself and living in the Highlands with no neighbours for miles

Pretty sure when I was a kid and I needed my parents in the night (and was past the age at which I just yelled for them from my bed they came to me) I knocked on their door and shouted ‘MUMMY! DADDY!’ rather than just going in. I didn’t feel neglected by that! It was just that I just accepted that bathrooms and bedrooms - my parents’ room, and my older siblings’ rooms - were not places I barged into without knocking. When I was five, my siblings were 12 and 15 so there were very obvious reasons that privacy was something I had to understand and it was totally normal to me.

Having a nightmare is a very different situation to just going in to your parents' room to get something! Is that not obvious?

Good grief DD would be an only child if we’d never had sex with her in the house. Our first child free night was when she was 16! she has left home now but it is likely that adult DS (special needs) will never leave home and I’m not giving up sex with my amazing DH!

It’s certainly better but it’s required work. They were very young and didn’t have great childhoods so I’ve been able to forgive certain things.

Locks are a thing!

This thread has been eye opening. I am amazed people are putting their lives on hold. Regular sex is normal and healthy irrespective of kids and completely separate to the abusive situations some have described. Having kids isn't a reason to stop having regular sex for years (decades 🤯) and shouldn't be an excuse. If you don't want to sleep with your spouse then don't obviously but if you do then instigate some ground rules, get a lock and be mindful. You can still have great sex a bit more quietly. Early mornings, late nights, weekend lie-ins. Just insert it into your day and prioritise it.