Today I returned my husband's christmas gift-how would you feel?

[SootySweepAndSueToo]

I need some perspective in this situation as I'm feeling quite emotional.

This christmas i bought my husband of 13 years a watch. Background: he loves watches, always looking at them online, when we go shopping we always have to stop and look in watch shops, he picks out ones he likes best. He's been having a rough time with work and car issues (nothing financial related and we're not struggiing thankfully) so I bought him a watch he'd picked out, I thought he deserved something nice to cheer him up. It's not super expensive but is a nice make.

On opening it, he saw the box and said "oh no". Throughout christmas day he kept saying he wouldn't wear it, he already has a watch, he doesn't like the leather straps etc. This carried on into boxing day when feeling a little upset I told him not to worry I'd return it which he agreed to. He even went to his parents to print off the return form, which I filled in, packaged it all up to take to the post office today. Today he states he didn't mean to upset me but wants to keep the watch however won't wear it. I've told him no, it's being returned he doesn't get to keep it just because he knows he's upset me.

I am upset but need some perspective, am I being too emotional about this? Was it a bad gift? How would you feel? Or do I need to get a grip?

I have no issue with people wanting to return or swap presents, but the constant whining about it would be really hurtful.

I gave my DP a present he obviously didn’t like (his sister helped me pick so I think we just missed the mark) and he was really panicky about just accepting that he can trade it for something else, I assume in his family it’s seen as rude maybe? In my family we have no issues with it, why would you force yourself to keep something you dislike?

Unnecessarily rude of him to keep saying how much he didn't like it. Surely most people learn from a young age to respond politely if you get given a gift that you don't love? I'd rather someone be honest if they don't like a gift I give them and we can return for something they prefer. I wouldn't appreciate them reminding me that I got it wrong many times over the next couple of days. Has he behaved like this before?

If you have a gift receipt I would give that to him and let him take care of the return. Maybe you should agree to not exchange gifts with him if his reaction is to moan like a spoilt child.

I'd be hurt that he was so tactless. I bought my dad a gift once that he took out of the packaging and said 'Oh I'm right into that!' Sarcastically with a scornful look at me, in front of everyone. I thought he'd like it. It was years ago and I've never forgotten it.

Husband should've been nicer about it. And I'd have him return it himself, I wouldn't be doing it for him.

I understand how you felt. One year I sent my DB a gift that I thought he would like and he didn’t say anything. I said that if it wasn’t suitable it’s no problem to return it and he got really angry with me and asked me how I thought he could be so horrible. Giving gifts can sometimes be quite fraught and touch on many sensitivities. I hadn’t minded if he didn’t want it and I just wanted to be helpful.😬

I don't understand if they are lovely why won't you wear them?

The mistake is his not yours. He thought he liked it but then when he saw it in real life realised he didn’t. No big deal.

I'd want to understand a bit more about what went wrong. If he initially said he would like to buy this particular watch but couldn't justify the cost, or that he wished he owned it - was that not true, or have his tastes changed? If he just admired it in passing, I can perhaps see that it caught his eye and he objectively liked the design but the leather strap wouldn't work for him, or something like that. I'd be thinking that I need to be sure that any gift I pick for him in future is something he actually will want and use in real life, not just something that caught his attention.

His response when he received the gift was rude. He should have acknowledged that it was a particularly thoughtful gift but explained why he can't use it and seen if you could exchange it for something he would wear. It doesn't make sense to keep something he won't wear, but who says "oh, no!" like being given a gift is a huge calamity? And saying he'll keep it because you're upset is more of the same.

Yes, send it back. And if you're more upset about his overall reaction to the gift that the fact that he'd prefer something else, keep trying to explain that to him.

Don't worry. It would be worse for him to just pretend to like it and never wear it.

If he bought you jewellery you weren't keen on you'd want it to be exchanged or refunded without fuss.

It's not like it's something you can regift or send to the charity.

Men who collect watches are often very particular about the type of watch. Its kinda like how perfume or chocolate or fine wine or something is for others. Only extra.

He need not have gone on about it, but yep, I'm not surprised he wants to exchange it.

Lesson learned on both sides maybe. He needs to moan less, you need to accept some gifts are just going to trigger a peculiar side in some.

How is she being controlling?
Maybe its the fact he kept labouring the point that he didn't need it, wouldn't wear it, and didn’t even like the strap.
I would feel bloody hurt too.
He could've shown some tact and sensitivity. He didn't.
Personally, I'd have felt like ramming the watch down his throat.....

I don't get the having to be polite to your partner in gifting situations. Yes, for relatives of course. But you should be able to be honest with your life partner as you have a deeper understanding and connection.

I will be polite about it if effort has been made, but sometimes small mistakes build up and become frustrating. For eg my partner of 16 years always gifts me white chocolate, which I don't like in my stocking.

Honest yes, fucking rude and hurtful no.

A long partnership doesn't preclude courtesy.

Sometimes you just can't help it though . My very thoughtful husband knows my style and buys me clothes and jewellery that I normally love. Even gets the size right. So when on Christmas morning 8 opened a gift of a coat which I just hated I said "oh" and he said my face said it all. He was upset that he had got it wrong and I never ever wore it , but he had bought it months before and didn't have the receipt . I would not have intentionally said anything. I would have just popped it to the back of the wardrobe and not worn it. He has never bought me a coat since mind

Talk about rubbing it in. Hes sounds like a right prick.

Are you lacking basic comprehension skills? That’s not what happened. Maybe read it again.

It's fine to want to change a present but not to make a thing about it and act like a total bell end!

The thought of you gritting your teeth as you open yet another owl-themed gift, plus imagining you surrounded by all the owlish, er, stuff that you have absolutely no interest in made me laugh.
But I wonder why you didn't express your bemusement the first time you opened the owl-ish present.

Don’t personalise this. You bought him a watch that you thought he would like. He doesn’t want it. So back it goes.

Maybe you don’t need to buy each other gifts? Or maybe you tell each other what you would like for Christmas if you want to have something under the tree to open so the children see you joining in.

I did! By about the third time I was 'oh. More owls. Umm...'

But he was on the spectrum and once something was in his head ("Vroom likes owls...") then it was fixed. I could have done a song and dance with striptease act about how much I did not like owls, was completely not interested in owls and didn't care about owls as an entire species, and he would only have heard "owls."

Oh, and probably also "tits!"

I wouldnt be upset. I'd realise I missed the mark, not a big deal.

I bought dh a big present years ago, a lot of thought went into it but it really wasnt for him. I had logical thinking behind it and it took me ages to get it.
When he saw the present.he went 'oh.....er ok then, nice' stuttering like Hugh Grant in one of his early rom com films! 😆 🤣

I kept the present for myself and got dh something that was better for him.
It wasnt a problem.
No need to be upset at all.

Wtf is it with men & watches? It's for telling the time with, end of. However, I am rather utilitarian.
You say he picked the watch. Why won't he wear it? I really don't understand any of this - smh

I wouldn’t over think it, you got a present that was nearly right, it wasn’t and you’ve returned it. I wouldn’t think about it again.

😂😂😂🤣

You got it wrong, don’t overthink it.