Feel bad that I’ve wasted a friends money

[Bellagetdown]

I’ve got a friend who is really in to astrology. I don’t mind it, but tend to steer clear as I’ve noticed that when I go through bad patches, I read star signs and watch readings for a bit of hope. Which always gets me down, as no one would watch a video entitled, “Aquarius, life is going to be really shit and you’ll probably lose your job and get divorced.” It’s all click bait titles about how your life will get better.

Anyway, this friend has been going on at me for months asking me for my time of birth. I don’t know it. There is no way of knowing it. Everyone who knows what time I was born died years ago and I can’t remember if my parents ever told me. I don’t have any old hospital records with it on, no baby book etc.

She kept asking, I kept telling her that I didn’t know. She kept telling me to call the hospital I was born in to see if they had records (I’m about to turn 47, very unlikely).

She was round for some drinks a while ago, and kept on saying, “shall we go in the loft? I bet there is something?” (There really isn’t).

Later that evening I just made up a time and told her. I made up a fictitious family member and said I’d text them and they did remember and it was 7pm. It made her really happy and she didn’t mention it again.

Yesterday, she handed me a beautifully presented, leather bound fully personalised birth chart, Astro cartography thing.

And now I feel so guilty because she’s obviously spent a lot of money on it and it’s all bollocks based on a made up time of birth.

She was so thrilled to give it to me and now I feel like a massive prick.

Well all that astrology stuff is totally made up bollocks anyway so using a made up time is irrelevant.

Why you didn't shut her down on the third or fourth ask I do not know. It's straight forward,

• I have no one still alive who can tell me that information. You going on about it just reminds me the number of people I have lost & is upsetting for me. Please stop.

As for asking the hospital that's just plain daft, the NHS has a million better things to do than look upsomeones time of birth for a charlatan to make up an astrology reading.

Because whatever the time was it's irrelevant (as it's made up mumbo jumbo) and it made her friend happy who previously been suggesting calling a hospital to look for records which don't exist, from 47 years ago. Your comment is typical Pisces.

The only risk is if the OPs friends astrology report warns her that due to her rising sign at the time of her birth a friend will one day betray her by lying about the hour of her birth.

In Scotland maybe, not in England though unless it's a multiples birth.

😆

I’ve told her that so many times. Not just this year when she ramped it up, but other times over the years.

Not the bit about it making me upset about people I’ve lost, because that’s not true, but that I couldn’t find out and can’t be arsed to find out even if there was a simple way as I’m not into astrology.

I kept telling her. She didn’t listen.

This year, she ramped it up a notch, but I couldn’t tell her to piss off with what she’s been going through. I think it was a distraction for her.

You need to learn the art of assertive, not aggressive.

and don't talk to people like her when you've had too many, if you have a tendency to be brow-beaten into doing things when you've said no til you're blue in the face.

I've got a friend who fixates on shit - the other day it was how old is my husband and what job does he do. I told her to stop asking (aka mind your own bloody business). She kept going on so I changed the subject.

people like that need to be told just stop asking, I'm not going to jump through hoop no matter how many times you mither on, just.give.me.a.break!

@HumbleStumble Your comment is typical Pisces

Beautifully done!

@Bellagetdown , ignore all the people who claim it should’ve been straightforward to stop your friend pestering you. People are not straightforward, particularly when they’re going through a really tricky time. I think you’ve identified yourself why she’s needed this distraction this year. As you’re good friends, and I imagine she will discover that doing this thing for you hasn’t actually eased her distress at her personal circumstances all that much, you can be there for her over the next few months (as you would’ve been anyway). This will be worth much more to her than the money you are worried she’s wasted.

Your friend has brought herself something that she wants rather than putting thought into what you might actually want. You
dont need to feel bad about this.

Leather bound astrology chart

Maximum she likely spent… £30?

www.etsy.com/uk/market/leather_journal_astrology?ref=lp_queries_external_bottom-16

No, it’s much nicer than any of those.

Very personalised, even the covers, what’s inside, the paper is amazing quality, gold edging. It’s not just a birth chart, it’s lots of other things, astrocartography (prob spelled that word wrong!) personalised maps, all sorts. It’s not something generic that she’s bought online. She’s put a lot of effort in to it.

It is actually very beautiful.

So it’s of other personalised stuff not just astrology?

Is it a journal too?

Everything you've written in this post shows that you've given it the time to admire and appreciate what she has done.

Honestly you are doing "enough" here. Please don't feel bad.

No, not a journal.

It’s beautiful maps of where I should live/travel when (based on my fictional time of birth), maps of the solar system, personal year number and life path number stuff.

Pages of how my children’s dates and time of birth relate to me (she does know my children’s time of birth she’s their godmother and was actually at the birth of my eldest!)

Shes out a lot of thought and effort into it. She didn’t just put some dates and times into a website and order it, it’s clear more went into it than that.

I might have lost track of the exact timelines, but reading this it strikes me that she might have paid whoever did this to start making it with the info she already had before she had your time of birth, so in her mind it would’ve been even more of a waste of money if she was forced to give it to you ‘incomplete’.

This might make you feel better:

I had a friend who was similarly obsessed with astrology. I told her my time of birth (3.20pm) and she ordered the chart, but when it arrived the time was wrong (5.20am). I told her and she complained and had another one sent out.

I went through both book, page by page, and there was maybe a couple of sentences different (and they were very meaningless sentences - Barnum statements, I believe they're called).

So the time time isn't that important afterall! But, I second the opinion that it's all BS.

As you’re good friends, and I imagine she will discover that doing this thing for you hasn’t actually eased her distress at her personal circumstances all that much, you can be there for her over the next few months (as you would’ve been anyway).

people as thick-skinned as this friend is never going to be introspective enough to join the dots about what a good friend the OP is. Their distraction is astronomy at the expense of the OPs sanity.

It sounds like nothing is going to get through to them no matter how insistent or forceful you are, @Bellagetdown it depends if they bring other positives and happiness to your life that you're prepared to put up with this aspect of their personality. I can only take my friend in small doses, it just gets too overwhelming for words and it spoils what could be a very positive relationship which I'm sad about.

Scottish birth certificates record time of birth for all babies.

Actually, you might be right.

The loft stuff at the party was fucking insane really. She was probably panicking at that point wanting to get it right.

She’s a really wonderful person.

Aside from the odd, “you must try to find out your time of birth, rising sign is more accurate” thing over the years, she’s never been like this.

I cut her slack this year when she was going on and on as when someone is crying on your shoulder about the awful time they are going through, it’s not really the time to be assertive and tell them bluntly to shut up. It’s best to be kind and think that she was leaning in to her interest as a distraction.

Dh loves computers. He spent weeks sitting up to 3am every night re building his and taking abou it when his mum was sick - I wouldn’t have told him to shut up either, it was a way to cope. I don’t doubt she was doing the same thing.

I have had quite similar, told a friend I was born at 6.22pm (which as far as I was concerned, I was 😂) turns out I was born 6.22am (which you’d think wouldn’t change anything but apparently it does) and a friend had personally gone through my Excalibur rose bush Capricorn rising moon (or similar…) and spent days doing it herself despite knowing I think it’s a load of nonsense, having been told this multiple times . I’ve never told her the truth tbh and I don’t feel guilty (and nor should you)…she knew I wasn’t into it but decided to spend her time (in your case her money) doing it. That’s on her whatever the intentions

Also, who’s to say you WEREN’T born at 7pm!

Honestly op I wouldn’t beat yourself up

There will be very very little variation in these “personalised” gifts.

YOU didn’t water her money , SHE did. She sounds like a bit of a pain posing and pushing, I don’t blame you for making something up to shut her up. Don’t feel bar about this!

don’t worry op i am a little bit psychic and i consulted my crystal ball. Long story short, it told me that you were actually born at 7pm! So all good, no need to feel guilty. xx