Feel bad that I’ve wasted a friends money

[Bellagetdown]

I’ve got a friend who is really in to astrology. I don’t mind it, but tend to steer clear as I’ve noticed that when I go through bad patches, I read star signs and watch readings for a bit of hope. Which always gets me down, as no one would watch a video entitled, “Aquarius, life is going to be really shit and you’ll probably lose your job and get divorced.” It’s all click bait titles about how your life will get better.

Anyway, this friend has been going on at me for months asking me for my time of birth. I don’t know it. There is no way of knowing it. Everyone who knows what time I was born died years ago and I can’t remember if my parents ever told me. I don’t have any old hospital records with it on, no baby book etc.

She kept asking, I kept telling her that I didn’t know. She kept telling me to call the hospital I was born in to see if they had records (I’m about to turn 47, very unlikely).

She was round for some drinks a while ago, and kept on saying, “shall we go in the loft? I bet there is something?” (There really isn’t).

Later that evening I just made up a time and told her. I made up a fictitious family member and said I’d text them and they did remember and it was 7pm. It made her really happy and she didn’t mention it again.

Yesterday, she handed me a beautifully presented, leather bound fully personalised birth chart, Astro cartography thing.

And now I feel so guilty because she’s obviously spent a lot of money on it and it’s all bollocks based on a made up time of birth.

She was so thrilled to give it to me and now I feel like a massive prick.

Stop obsessing about wasting her money. She chose this and is obviously pleased to have done so.

Your drunken white lie born of frustration has brought her joy in being able to give you a gift that she thinks is significant.

”Enjoy” the gift as best as you are able to give the giver satisfaction.

its all made up nonsense so there’s no need to feel guilty because the end result is the same.

Your mate sounds like a bit of pain to be honest to keep going on about it.

I’m not obsessing. I’ve just known her almost 40 years and she’s very short on money at the moment due to a rough time.

I just feel bad that she’s wasted so much.

Which I know is on her, it was her choice. She knows I think astrology is bollocks. She always has done.

I feel guilty because I think she’s buying expensive gifts to fill some sort of hole (horrible divorce, she’s lost the step children she adored) she’s done the same for a few other friends.

Then it's her fault. She kept pestering about something you had already told her was unknown. She was very rude to persist.

As others have said, it's all nonsense anyway, she chose to.waste her money on rubbish. Really not your problem.

Yep this

You haven’t wasted her money. Friend has behaved poorly, badgering you persistently about woo. you tried many (passive) tactics to get her to stop, she didn’t, she spent her money. Her choice.

The only thing you could have done differently is to use assertive rather than passive tactics before it got to this point. Understandable that you didn’t.

You’ve not wasted her money. She wasted her own money. Rough year or not, that’s not on you. She bought a present based on her own interests, not based on your interests. If you buy a present based on your own interests you always risk it not being well received. She’s not gifted this because you were desperate to know. She was probably desperate to do this and could justify it for you, even if you weren’t interested. You were gracious in accepting it.

Even if someone did know or you had some paperwork it could be incorrect. Details gets lost over 40 odd years. Even recently with my DC the midwife said they were born at 22.42 but on the hospital paperwork it says 22.43.

Hi OP. I’d try not to beat myself up over it. Just take reassurance in the fact you’d made your friend happy and try not to worry. She clearly gets a lot of gratification from doing it. You did the right thing otherwise it would’ve just gone on and on.
I like star signs but honestly the time won’t make much of a difference .
take care of yourself x

I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. Even if you had the correct time it would still have been a waste of money as you're not interested. It was her choice to give you the gift, it made her happy. And you won't have to listen to her going on about it any more. Forget it and move on.

In the uk time is only on birth certificates of multiples (in case of needing to inherit the throne lol!!) not singletons.

My mum had twin sisters born 10 mins apart.
They couldn’t have been more different in terms of personality, lifestyles, life outcomes etc.
Astrology is bollocks.

Time is only put on birth certificates of multiple births, so twins and triplets etc. Everyone else just gets the day.

She's done something for you that's given her the greatest pleasure. I'd say she's harmless enough.

Hopefully now she's done this, it's the matter closed.

I wouldn't feel bad. Your friend wouldn't stop haranguing you so it's her own fault.

Sounds like a good outcome for your friend to me. She clearly really wanted to do this, to an almost obsessive extent, and now you've enabled her to, so she has had the pleasure of giving the gift. It's a bit hard on you, as you've had her hassling you and now you're stuck with something you don't want. But she's happy so no reason for you to feel bad.
Some might say she'd have wasted her money if you gave her the correct time given its nonsense really; and that your lie is minor compared with the lies of people who make money from pretending they can predict the future.

I never feel guilty for any negative consequences to a person that rides roughshod over me. Just never reveal that the time is made up, she won't find out.

Well it would have been 7pm somewhere in the world at that time. Just thank her and say nothing more.

I was in to all this crap in my early teens early 20s.
Now in my 40s I look back and laugh.
Its just all made up crap a load of nonsense.

You haven’t wasted her money, she has. And likely wastes lots more of money in other ways by believing in astrology which is completely fictitious nonsense.

The months of telling that you didn't know your birth time and weren't particularly bothered, was her hint to not buy the leather bound birth chart.

She made the choice to go ahead & get it for you, despite your clearly signalled disinterest in star signs and whatever.

This is not a thing to feel guilty about.

With some exceptions on very early birth certificates (ones produced just after their introduction in 1837) time is only recorded on UK birth certificates if it is a multiple birth for inheritance purposes. The first child out of the womb, it designated the eldest and therefore takes precedence and is the heir. The second born is the 'spare'. The rules may have been recently updated but unless OP is a twin the information is unlikely to be on her birth certificate.

Regardless of this I think astrology is a load of BS so just say thanks, ignore and enjoy what's left of the holiday OP.

Next time you’re at hers hide some money somewhere.

That way you’ve given her money back but she won’t know, so neither of you feel bad.

I would have assumed it was for a Xmas present and so I’d have either not told her or did what you did but not feel guilty about it.

Out of curiosity, if you were born in Australia would it still be the same date/time or would you have to convert it to UK date/time. Do they adjust for leap years? What if you were born in a country that doesn't do different summer/winter time? Considering how old the universe is I don't think a couple of hours are going to make a massive difference.

I have the time of birth on my birth certificate. Scotland, 1960s. My mother always said they'd got it wrong.
7pm is as likely a time as any other, and as @Dartmoorcheffy says, it would have been 7 or thereabouts somewhere on the planet.

Not so. I have an original and a copy certificate, and time of birth is not on either.