Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Realised that it really is just us

132 replies

ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:28

DH and two children. I can't complain, life is good and I know that.

But this year has made me realise it is just us. In laws moved 500 miles away. She's really not interested. DM passed away 18 months ago. DF is in care in his mid eighties.

I have siblings but we aren't close. DH's bio dad is an abusive alcoholic and we haven't spoken for four years. DH has half siblings but they are all with MIL and her husband.

I know social media is the work of the devil but it's plastered with big family meet ups and I've realised that this is it for us, this is how the Christmas period will be for many years.

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
Clarehandaust · 26/12/2025 13:29

Lots of people have less family than you
It’s quality, not quantity

northernerinsomerset · 26/12/2025 13:32

Yes,I’m totally in the same boat.Possibly a worse one.Husband & one adult son,who is thinking of moving abroad.My parents are dead,as are both my sisters who died of cancer.So yep I know how hard it is.I deleted social media on Xmas eve because I’m just fed up of it all really.

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:32

Christ sorry didn't realise it was a race to the bottom.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:32

northernerinsomerset · 26/12/2025 13:32

Yes,I’m totally in the same boat.Possibly a worse one.Husband & one adult son,who is thinking of moving abroad.My parents are dead,as are both my sisters who died of cancer.So yep I know how hard it is.I deleted social media on Xmas eve because I’m just fed up of it all really.

Yeah I think that's a good move. I'm sorry to hear about your son.
It sucks I know.

OP posts:
mrsharryohay · 26/12/2025 13:33

ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:32

Christ sorry didn't realise it was a race to the bottom.

I’m sorry about your mum.

It is probably still very raw for you Flowers

mzpq · 26/12/2025 13:35

DH has half siblings but they are all with MIL and her husband.

Does this mean you can never see them?

zurigo · 26/12/2025 13:38

That's the Christmas we CHOOSE! We have family, but prefer to visit them the weekend before and then spend a chilled out, calm Christmas at home. It's calm and drama-free and whenever I come on MN over Christmas and read about the drunken relatives, arguments and horrors of either hosting or being hosted I feel extra-happy with our choice! Embrace it OP.

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:38

mzpq · 26/12/2025 13:35

DH has half siblings but they are all with MIL and her husband.

Does this mean you can never see them?

No, we do see them every now and again. But DHs stepdad has made it very clear that DH is not his child and we would be treated very differently from his half siblings. We made a decision that we didn't want our kids to feel like also rans. Then they moved shortly before our second child was born so it sort of sealed the relationship.

OP posts:
socks1107 · 26/12/2025 13:38

Same, my parents are 300 miles away and dh family all get together today. We’ve never been invited and I was told once it’s because my children aren’t family ( not my dhs and none together out of choice) so we spend most Xmas periods just us. I’ve grown to accept it and enjoy the peace but it does hurt when you know they are all together today and even though mine are now adults we still don’t get invited

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:39

mrsharryohay · 26/12/2025 13:33

I’m sorry about your mum.

It is probably still very raw for you Flowers

Show quote history

Thank you xx

OP posts:
tothewindow25 · 26/12/2025 13:39

Yes, we are in a similar situation. My mother was with us yesterday (we aren’t close) and today we are
just at home as no more family to visit.

It does feel a bit lonely and I feel bad for my kids. When I was younger Christmas’ were big with extended family, and my kids are missing out on that.

The extended family are now either all dead or estranged (largely due to my mother).

I do feel very sad about it.

But also I would say it is a lot more common these days than it used to be. Partly people moving around a lot more. Not sure what else, but i definitely see a lot of it.

Christmascherry · 26/12/2025 13:42

Yep, same. We have family but no one wants to do anything together. And even if they did it wouldn’t be that fun. We all just sit in our separate houses doing our own thing. So it’s just us every year, we have a nice day as a family of three but it’s very quiet. I’m already bored today tbh.

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 13:43

If you would like to have a bigger family would you consider building one? Invite friends, another family to celebrate with you? Family doesn't always need to mean blood relations.

PollyPlumPeach · 26/12/2025 13:45

It's hardly an unusual situation OP. Plenty of people have less

Orangesarenottheonlyfruit · 26/12/2025 13:46

I don't have any immediate family and my DH's family are far away so we had Friendmas yesterday. We invited another two families in a similar boat and had a blast! We shared our the cooking and had an entire afternoon of games and fun. It was just lovely. Plus, no family drama. Can highly recommend.

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:47

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 13:43

If you would like to have a bigger family would you consider building one? Invite friends, another family to celebrate with you? Family doesn't always need to mean blood relations.

This is a good outlook thanks. We hosted a very big party a couple of weeks ago

We are lucky with friends. We have two very close who are the kids godparents. Were due to go today but they are ill. They had family over but it was too much to have us too. It's just another reminder really that for most blood is thicker than water and that's totally fair enough but it just feels a bit shite for us

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 26/12/2025 13:47

yep - my parents retired overseas, don’t host at Christmas and by brother has no dcs so the last few years has made the most of the break and gone on holiday over Christmas (we usually meet up on NY day)

BIL left his wife a couple of years ago, and so PIL always prioritise him over the Christmas period (they work round him on Christmas Day, when he’s seeing the children and so won’t come to us, then on Boxing Day he has his dcs so they all go have a big day at PILs, which we aren’t invited to).

The last few years it’s just been us. However something I’ve noticed via the dreaded social media- it’s really getting more normal to just be parents and kids amongst our friends- so may of my parents generation have passed away, so many friends who have moved away from home towns so adult siblings bringing their spouses and dcs around just isn’t practical to be a yearly thing, outside of those with big houses to cope with multiple guests.

Your dcs will see your way of doing things as normal.

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:47

PollyPlumPeach · 26/12/2025 13:45

It's hardly an unusual situation OP. Plenty of people have less

Again, I'll repeat, I didn't realise it was a race to the bottom.

We are the only people I know that haven't seen family over the festive period.

OP posts:
PollyPlumPeach · 26/12/2025 13:48

ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:47

Again, I'll repeat, I didn't realise it was a race to the bottom.

We are the only people I know that haven't seen family over the festive period.

Show quote history

Maybe you don't know many people then. It's quite common just to spend Xmas with your immediate family. Maybe don't get your expectations from what you see on social media

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:49

Um, ok. Thanks for your helpful input.

OP posts:
Davros · 26/12/2025 13:49

Yeah, there’s just me and 22 year old DD. DH died last year and DS is severely disabled and lives in care. We had a great day because we planned ahead but without too many expectations

Original poster
ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:50

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH. I can't imagine how hard that is.

OP posts:
FreedomFreak · 26/12/2025 13:52

I’m a family of one, it’s just been me for a few years now. These days I’m bemused by the herd mentality when it comes to Christmas - all the expense and stress but I do feel I have been liberated from it all.

user46256728992 · 26/12/2025 13:52

You’ve have got siblings though, and maybe nieces/nephews on both sides? And you’ve got parents alive still. You could see your extended family if you chose to. You’re much better off than lots of people!

I’m an only child of older parents who died before we had kids, DH’s parents also died before our kids were primary school age so it really is just me, DH and the kids. I frame it as we are lucky we can suit ourselves, no having to please extended family!

icantgetnosheep1 · 26/12/2025 13:54

Similar situation but just me and the two teens. Split from ExH 3 years ago. His family are fragmented at best and dropped me and the boys out their lives - which I’m fine with! My parents have sadly passed and siblings 200+ miles away with their own families. I’m sad sometimes but it’s what it is. I’m not a huge fan of Christmas for this reason, the whole ‘family time’ thing is lost on me - I do this 24/7 and Christmas Day is just a day to eat turkey and open presents. I don’t like to impose on friends so just get through it.. the sooner things go back to normal the better I am.