Page 4 | Realised that it really is just us

ForTheForseeable · 2025-12-26T13:28:31+00:00

DH and two children. I can't complain, life is good and I know that. But this year has made me realise it is just us. In laws moved 500 miles away. She's really not interested. DM passed away 18 months ago. DF is in care in his mid eighties. I have siblings but we aren't close. DH's bio dad is an abusive alcoholic and we haven't spoken for four years. DH has half siblings but they are all with MIL and her husband. I know social media is the work of the devil but it's plastered with big family meet ups and I've realised that this is it for us, this is how the Christmas period will be for many years. Anyone else in the same boat?

Original poster

ForTheForseeable · 27/12/2025 13:54

KnickerlessParsons · 27/12/2025 13:42

You could get together with friends if you’d like a bigger Christmas gathering. It’s not just for families.

Again I had arranged to spend boxing day with friends but they cancelled us as they were feeling under the weather but kept their family commitments.

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blackheartsgirl · 27/12/2025 13:58

Yes I am. I have no dh (died), my parents are dead and my only rather horrible messed up brother lives abroad. I only have a few friends who all either have their own sad shit going on or have huge family units. No other family at all, apart from my lovely nephew all either dead or just never existed

I do have lovely older dc who make an effort in their own way and 2 teens. Christmas Day and Boxing Day it was just us 3 plus a visit from dgd1

I miss the Christmas of years ago when life was busy and I did have a wobble on Christmas Day.

Despite all this, I’ve had a lovely, stress free Christmas, no arguments or dealing with relatives and I managed a long solitary Boxing Day walk which was heaven!

My life has changed so much in four years but I’m trying to embrace it now

MylipstickiscalledHugMe · 27/12/2025 14:04

I hear you OP. As well as avoiding social media, I wonder if it would help you to journal your sadness and anger at having an unloving family.

You could also write them (unsent) letters telling them exactly how you feel, or use the "empty chair" method where you imagine they're sitting opposite to you and then say/shout what you need to (wait till everyone's out!)

I have found these methods productive, after many years of keeping it all inside.

Also online support groups - there are some on reddit, even just reading other people's feelings about having shit families really helps.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/12/2025 14:10

You're looking on the wrong direction @ForTheForseeable You've got two kids. At some point they're going to have partners, and kids of their own. Right now your family is getting smaller, but it will likely grow again.

OneNewEagle · 27/12/2025 14:16

I’m estranged from my family, not by choice. So I know I have 80plus relations if I could aunts cousins and so on on all sides and none of which bother with me or my adult DC. It’s hard.

I had cards from a handful, I live away, but not one person replied to my happy Christmas text (I was stupid should have never have sent it). I spoke to my mum and heard what she had been doing with silbings and nieces nephews. Very hard conversation. DH heard nothing at all from any of his relations no cards or texts. It feels like we just don’t exist as no one thinks of us.

I was at home with my DH, but we aren’t getting on at the moment and my health has not been good recently. I’ve had cold food some days, a tin of soup and an omelette as on top of everything else my DH decided he doesn’t want to do food for me and also didn’t give me a gift. Saw my adult dc after he finished work and on Boxing Day he did his gifts. He and the pets are the reason I’ve got through it all. I’ve had a truly awful time.

and yes it’s the knowing there are family but they don’t want to include you that’s the bit that makes it hard. If I had none it would be easier as I’d know they aren’t excluding me.

Tryingatleast · 27/12/2025 14:17

Oh god will everyone stop comparing? If someone says they’re finding things tough don’t say at least it’s better than. Sorry to all of you for how tough Christmas can be x

OneNewEagle · 27/12/2025 14:18

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/12/2025 14:10

You're looking on the wrong direction @ForTheForseeable You've got two kids. At some point they're going to have partners, and kids of their own. Right now your family is getting smaller, but it will likely grow again.

That’s how I used to get through it. I was a lone parent so I thought ok one day I’ll have a partner and they will have family and my Dc will meet someone so on. I have a partner now but my sons in his 30s no partner and no grandchildren. So that won’t definitely happen.

Luckyingame · 27/12/2025 14:18

Just my husband (thirty years older) and myself.
Wouldn't want it otherwise.
😊

OneNewEagle · 27/12/2025 14:18

Tryingatleast · 27/12/2025 14:17

Oh god will everyone stop comparing? If someone says they’re finding things tough don’t say at least it’s better than. Sorry to all of you for how tough Christmas can be x

Thank you. And yes sending warm wishes to everyone else also struggling x

Original poster

ForTheForseeable · 27/12/2025 14:19

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 27/12/2025 14:10

You're looking on the wrong direction @ForTheForseeable You've got two kids. At some point they're going to have partners, and kids of their own. Right now your family is getting smaller, but it will likely grow again.

That's exactly what DH and I said last night. We've a friend at church who has two children and 6 grandchildren. I admit to being envious to seeing them all together in church on Christmas Day watching their father/grandfather sing but that's what we said, we are looking to be the grandfather rather than his children. :-)

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Original poster

ForTheForseeable · 27/12/2025 14:23

Tryingatleast · 27/12/2025 14:17

Oh god will everyone stop comparing? If someone says they’re finding things tough don’t say at least it’s better than. Sorry to all of you for how tough Christmas can be x

Thank you. I really didn't intend on this being some kind of misery bingo and we've had a nice Christmas but some of these responses are really weird!

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iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 14:41

If it makes you feel better, I’m single and no children and my family all live in another country. I still manage to have a lovely Christmas 🤣

canuckup · 27/12/2025 14:42

Yanbu

My family are back in the UK, just my parents and brother, my parents are not really interested and all the effort to see them is on me.

She's family are a bit more involved, but love far and have their own lives really.

It's just a bit disappointing, DH's

Disturbia81 · 27/12/2025 14:43

Most peoples Christmasses are small, we just see the big ones on social media.

Original poster

ForTheForseeable · 27/12/2025 14:52

Disturbia81 · 27/12/2025 14:43

Most peoples Christmasses are small, we just see the big ones on social media.

I literally do not know anyone else around me who hasn't seen any family over Christmas and despite a PPs insistence to the contrary I know a lot of people. I'm not talking gatherings of 20+ just seeing parents or a sibling.

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MumofOne28 · 27/12/2025 14:55

I feel the same. Single mum, 1 daughter and difficult relationships with family. We had a lovely day but then I see the big family gatherings and feel super alone. Despite being incredibly grateful for my daughter, roof over our heads etc…. I got quite low and remembered the poor parents of that lovely girl in Bondi who prob would give anything to have a quiet day their princess. I think we will go away next year, less pressure x

PruthePrune · 27/12/2025 14:56

Ive got a tiny family as well. Its really just me, DH and DD. Not close with my sisters, live 100s of miles from them and havent spoken in years.

TennisLady · 27/12/2025 14:58

Hi OP. It’s mainly me and DH, we’ve been TTC for a few years but nothing. I also got a twinge of jealousy at this time of year seeing the photos of large family meet ups all smiling on photos. But I try to remember, that not everything is as it seems at times. You only have to look through threads on MN to understand that.

Eyesopenwideawake · 27/12/2025 15:03

ForTheForseeable · 26/12/2025 13:47

Again, I'll repeat, I didn't realise it was a race to the bottom.

We are the only people I know that haven't seen family over the festive period.

Show quote history

Why have you used that phrase again? Having a small family unit is nothing to do with privilege or morals or popularity or any other measure with which that phrase is associated. It is just a fact. Stop with the 'woe is me'.

Original poster

ForTheForseeable · 27/12/2025 15:06

Eyesopenwideawake · 27/12/2025 15:03

Why have you used that phrase again? Having a small family unit is nothing to do with privilege or morals or popularity or any other measure with which that phrase is associated. It is just a fact. Stop with the 'woe is me'.

Show quote history

Eh? God what a weird approach, I have no idea why you're going in about privilege or morals? Bizarre.

Thanks to everyone who has responded kindly with some positive ideas. I've messaged my other sister, she doesn't usually contact me much but I've messaged asking if she wants to meet up.

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Original poster

ForTheForseeable · 27/12/2025 15:11

TennisLady · 27/12/2025 14:58

Hi OP. It’s mainly me and DH, we’ve been TTC for a few years but nothing. I also got a twinge of jealousy at this time of year seeing the photos of large family meet ups all smiling on photos. But I try to remember, that not everything is as it seems at times. You only have to look through threads on MN to understand that.

That's very true. I really hope 2026 brings you the baby you've so longer for, it must be very difficult

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mrswhiplington · 27/12/2025 15:24

OneNewEagle · 27/12/2025 14:16

I’m estranged from my family, not by choice. So I know I have 80plus relations if I could aunts cousins and so on on all sides and none of which bother with me or my adult DC. It’s hard.

I had cards from a handful, I live away, but not one person replied to my happy Christmas text (I was stupid should have never have sent it). I spoke to my mum and heard what she had been doing with silbings and nieces nephews. Very hard conversation. DH heard nothing at all from any of his relations no cards or texts. It feels like we just don’t exist as no one thinks of us.

I was at home with my DH, but we aren’t getting on at the moment and my health has not been good recently. I’ve had cold food some days, a tin of soup and an omelette as on top of everything else my DH decided he doesn’t want to do food for me and also didn’t give me a gift. Saw my adult dc after he finished work and on Boxing Day he did his gifts. He and the pets are the reason I’ve got through it all. I’ve had a truly awful time.

and yes it’s the knowing there are family but they don’t want to include you that’s the bit that makes it hard. If I had none it would be easier as I’d know they aren’t excluding me.

💐

Glitchymn1 · 27/12/2025 15:26

I’m sorry about your mum, it really is hard seeing your family change with the passage of time.
We used to be a really big family and have huge Christmas’s and a constant flow of guests etc.
It’s now dwindled to DM, she tries her best but doesn’t seem to realise you can’t resurrect or manufacture our old Christmas’s.

Everyone has passed away, my grandparents, my cousins, friends, our family in NZ. Aside from my aunt, but my uncle has dementia so they’re keeping to themselves. When DM goes I think we will just go away on holiday possibly.

DH’s side of the family consists of MIL who has a boyfriend and lives away, his dad now has early stage dementia.

I suppose DD may have children in the future, so there’s that! Life keeps going I guess, but it just looks a bit different and it hits hard at times. I try to think, it’s only really one day.

MrsZiggywinkle · 27/12/2025 15:28

Same here but no kids.

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 27/12/2025 15:46

It was just me and my two DS's. Parents have recently died, eldest sister died, other sister is a cow. I have cfs and have a brother who's one of the most active people in England so there's no way he'd want to spend Christmas with me! But then I read stuff on here about people struggling with family and I feel quite lucky.

You're being quite stroppy and defensive but you have to remember that many people are completely alone with no family or friends. You have a husband, two children and friends. Of course people are going to be a bit